Much of our behavior and thinking about ourselves and the world has been conditioned by our upbringing. On the path to achieving our goals in life, we all face internal obstacles that overcome our positive choices, emotions, actions, and beliefs to create conditions which are contrary to our best interests.

There are probably times when you've found yourself saying or doing something you hated when your mother or father did it, and it makes you cringe. You don't want to perpetuate their dysfunction, but you feel powerless to stop. And the more you fight it the worse it gets.

Enmeshed in anguish and confusion, you can lose sight of your purpose — to manifest your unique expression of spirit in the "real world," and to find joy in what you do.

Despite the constant superficial chatter of your thoughts, you are joined in spirit with every living thing in a breathtakingly vast and magnificent creation. You can tap into that creative consciousness simply by quieting your mind and paying attention to the still small voice inside that is your source of inner wisdom, the whispered guidance of your guardian angels.

In the biblical story of Abraham, we discover a classic example of how counterproductive attitudes and behavior are programmed into us, how they're passed down, and what it takes to break the cycle. (And I should know. My family was dysfunctional too. I was timid and withdrawn; my mother was pathologically self-absorbed; my father was distant and depressed; and my sister was nearly banished when she was only five, then got lost in schizophrenia.)

Abraham originated monotheism, the notion of One God at the foundation of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity. But along his spiritual journey, Abraham's personal problems may have engendered far-reaching conflicts in and between those three religions that still exist today. Here's the story through my lens:

Abraham grew up in a culture that worshipped many gods, in the land of Shinar, which is now Iraq. His father, Terah, made and sold religious idols, and Abraham worked in the shop. A sensitive, thoughtful kid, he looked at the different gods and goddesses as facets of Nature, then grew convinced that there was something more — One God, the All-That-Is, the eternal, almighty source and sustenance of consciousness and creative power.

Abraham's new ideas frightened and alienated the customers. In his fervor to communicate his vision, he even destroyed some of the merchandise. Terah ordered his son to stop proselytizing, but he wouldn't. He felt that he had to spread the truth that could change the world, and he was gaining converts. So Terah went to King Nimrod and asked for help. The king demanded that Abraham get off it, but the boy refused again. The king then ordered Abraham thrown into "the fiery furnace," and challenged this supposed deity to save him. Miraculously, Abraham emerged unharmed. Seeing him now as an even greater threat to society and business, the king banished Abraham to the desert.

Cut off and traumatized by the treatment he had suffered at the hands of his father and the king, Abraham was deeply imprinted with a pattern he was destined to repeat. Rejected but resolute, he set out with a small group of believers to build a new life. One of these was Sarah, whom he married. After many unsuccessful attempts to bear a child, Sarah urged her husband, for the sake of his legacy, to impregnate her favorite maidservant, Hagar, who bore a son they called Ishmael.

But Sarah grew jealous as she witnessed Abraham becoming attached to Hagar and their son, and she insisted that he cast them out. In this emotionally-charged situation, Abraham "became" his father, acting out the drama of his own condemnation and banishment by exiling Hagar and Ishmael.

Abraham's tribe eventually became the founders of Judaism, out of which Christianity grew. While in the course of their wanderings, Hagar and Ishmael formed a new tribe that produced Mohammed, the founder of Islam. Though all three religions share Abraham's "One God"

perspective, the strife between them now may have been born in a single dysfunctional family.

The Bible says the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons, a poetic way of warning that unworkable patterns are passed down from generation to generation. Abraham's story implies that the havoc they wreak can go beyond the personal to acquire a political significance that still influences the world thousands of years later.

But difficult circumstances often provide the seed of their own solution, and the catalyst for life-altering changes in understanding. If you try to ignore or repress your thoughts and feelings, they come back to bite you. Being out of harmony with your purpose and passions is painful — physically, emotionally and spiritually — and can spark self-destructive or anti-social behavior. Heeding the call of your spirit ends the contradiction and, as we can see in Abraham's next chapter, leads to fulfillment.

Not long after Hagar and Ishmael departed, Sarah unexpectedly conceived a child and Isaac was born. She was thrilled to have a child, and Isaac was an obedient son. But as his son neared manhood, Abraham's trauma in the fiery furnace was re-stimulated. Still bound by unresolved issues from his own childhood, Abraham couldn't differentiate between the voice of wisdom inside and the jabbering of his demons, and he came to believe that God wanted Isaac as a burnt offering.

Together father and son climbed Mount Moriah, near what is now Jerusalem, and built a funeral pyre. Abraham sharpened his knife in preparation for the sacrifice. But at the height of his emotional stress, Abraham's love for Isaac broke through his veil of confusion and he woke up to realize that God wanted only that Isaac be dedicated to the universal order that Abraham had seen in his original vision.

Abraham's innate wisdom was restored, and the cycle of pain and misperception was broken. He sheathed his blade, and the two came down from the mountain purified and at peace.

Perhaps the current quagmire of banishment, blame, and battle in the Middle East is an aftermath of Abraham's family difficulties which, passing down through generations, have hardened into intractable actions and reactions.

Continually wrestling with difficult situations leaves people feeling deprived of the possibility to realize their dreams. The way out of this futile downward spiral of dysfunction is to rediscover your purpose, build a life you love despite challenges and crises, and to find common ground that supports everyone. May the heirs of this primal familial struggle awaken, as Abraham did, before they sacrifice their own loved ones, well-being, and that of the world.

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Suzanne Gold (BA, MA in psychology) is a personal and spiritual counselor in California. Also an award-winning vocalist and songwriter, she once sang the National Anthem for the San Francisco Giants at Candlestick Park. Suzanne works with individuals, couples, families, and small groups in person or by telephone. Her email address is {email Suzanne@SuzanneGold.com}Suzanne@SuzanneGold.com{/email} Send her the stories of the everyday wonders in your life. © copyright 2005 by Suzanne Gold.

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