Over the past twenty years there has been an enormous shift in family dynamics. Gone are the days when Mom can prepare a healthy family meal every night of the week. Gone are the days of lazy Sunday mornings with Dad. Gone are the days of unstructured time with friends. What is occurring in so many homes today is parents are working more hours; families are running from activity to activity; and our children's homework and social lives dominate our existence. As a result of this frenetic pace many families are out of balance. Values are being replaced with schedules, and families are stressed out.

When our lives are so busy we miss the teachable moments that occur during unstructured time. We the miss out on watching our children's beautiful souls evolve. We miss out on instilling our values and heritage. So how can we as parents slow down our lives and reconnect with our kids?

When we are proactive our lives become balanced. When we are reactive our lives become chaos. Being proactive involves taking steps that will lead to more balance. Some ways to become more proactive are:

* Look at your family's schedule and determine what activities are important and which ones can be eliminated.

* Become more organized.

* Develop a routine.

* Have clear behavioral expectations, boundaries and consequences.

* Get up an hour earlier than they do to have some time to center yourself, through prayer or meditation, before the day begins.

* Give your children five minutes of attention when they first get up or first get home. This will help them feel loved and be less demanding of your attention.

At least once a week have a family night. During this family night plan a special dinner that everyone can help cook together. Make it an event, have a BBQ or a pool party, invite their friends. Dr. Stephen Covey in his book "7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" stresses the importance of the family meal to instill values in our children. After dinner do something fun that will also foster communication, i.e. go bowling, ride bikes, drive to the beach, or watch a sunset together.

Family time can also revolve around doing chores. Schedule a day when each of you can participate. Invite their friends and pay them for extra chores that they complete. Doing chores together as a family is very empowering for children. Doing chores helps children learn responsibility, the power of task completion, and how to work together as a team. But perhaps the most important lesson that children learn from doing chores is that they are contributing members of the household, that their presence has a purpose.

Finally, schedule family meetings to discuss behavioral expectations, boundaries and consequences. Family meetings are an excellent way to assure you have everyone's full attention to address challenges in a non-emotional manner.

Before committing to anything, for you or your children, take time to see if it is in the best interest of your family. When we volunteer for every event or place our children in activities that have enormous time commitments we put huge demands on our family. Before committing to anything simply say, "Give me some time to think about that and I'll get back to you." This allows you to truly make a decision that is in integrity with your values.

Keeping the lives of our families in balance does require being proactive, reprioritizing, and scheduling. But the payoffs from this effort can be extraordinary. By reconnecting with our children we can be a part of helping them discover who they were meant to be. As Kahil Gibran said so eloquently in "The Prophet," Our children are ours for such a short time." Let us make this short time together a time of reconnection, growth and love.

Debbie Milam is the co-creator of "Empowering Our Children: Creating Connected Families, Classrooms, and Communities " . She is an occupational therapist and life coach whose work has been featured in over 300 media outlets including The Miami Herald, Elle, Ladies Home Journal, PBS and The Hallmark Channel. Visit her website for more books and resources to help you be a highly effective parent. Visit her online at www.bestyoucanbe.org and sign up for her newsletter to receive your special report, "Creating Peace Within Yourself and Your Family." © Copyright 2008 Debbie Milam.UPI Religion & Spirituality Forum is a big tent for all expressions

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