Tuesday, June 20, 2006 at 2:02am
'Neutrality' is the first casualty of War
Column: Writing Down Your Soul
In her "Spiritual Geography" books, Janet Conner walks beside the broken hearted, guiding and encouraging them as they travel through the seven countries of spiritual healing. Everyone's journey begins in the Country of Betrayal with a relationship trauma, and proceeds through the Countries of Pain, War, Illusion, Surrender, and Choice. The journey culminates with the miracle of forgiveness and the receipt of a whole, holy, and healed heart in the Country of Peace. Today, we continue our exploration of the spiritual gifts in the Country of War.
* * * *
When people look at the map of Spiritual Geography (www.spiritualgeography.com) for the first time, their eyes track the countries from West to East beginning with Betrayal and ending with Peace. Invariably their eyes go back to War and settle there for a moment, looking at Battle Mountain Range and the Combat Zones. Then, they look up at me and I can see the question in their eyes: "Isn't there some way to bypass War?"
People expect me to smile and say that the point of the map is exactly that — to demonstrate how to avoid War. But that's not the point of the map. The purpose of the map of Spiritual Geography is to portray the healing process — the total healing process. Each of the seven countries has a spiritual purpose. Each offers a spiritual task to be accomplished and, in the process, a precious spiritual gift to be received. That means there is a purpose and meaning to your pilgrimage through every country — including War.
You don't have to stay long but, if your relationship has imploded, you do have to visit. If you don't, you miss the opportunity to study your personal form of battle. You miss the chance to identify your weapons and how you use them. You miss the opportunity to explore how your attitude and intention exacerbates or relieves the situation. And, if you skip War, you miss your best opportunity to study yourself in action — high-stress, high-stakes action — and evaluate your results.
Do you want to end the war? Of course you do, everyone says they want to end the war. Well, if you want to end the war, you have to change the war, starting with yourself. You can't change the other guy's tactics. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. You can only change your own. But when you do, you will see a shift in the whole dynamic. The paradoxical truth is that you can end the war by consciously going to the Country of War and discovering what you've done to create and hold on to your personal war. You change, and your partner will change, too.
So, off to War we go. And what do we find there? Two kinds of wars: hot war and cold war. That's it. Two kinds. And they are easy to decipher.
You know when you're in a hot war. The external clues are obvious. Pretend, for a moment, that you are an observer, not a participant. What do you hear? Screaming, cursing, banging doors, screeching brakes. What do you see? Frantic calls to attorneys, nasty letters, phones slammed hard into their cradles, calendars packed full of attorney and court appointments. You see action! In the end, hot action is the herald of hot war. People taking action to outwit, outsmart, outthink, outmaneuver, and outplay their enemy. People struggling to get something, whether they actually want it or not. People moving, shoving, talking, pushing. People in action; that's hot war.
How about cold war? Ah, that's another thing altogether. Go back as the observer. What do you hear? Sighs, perhaps. A few quiet sobs. A little talk, some snide remarks, but not much, really. What do you see? Faces turned away, children waiting, phones unanswered, things not said, things not done. Cold war is harder to watch and harder to identify because you can't tell where to focus. There doesn't appear to be a thread of action with one thing leading to another, to another, and then, another. Oh, but there is. There certainly is. It is the thread of "not": not speaking, not doing, not responding, not being ready, not answering, not telling the truth. "Not" is a most interesting thread to try to follow. "Not" is the polar opposite of "hot."
Which war are you fighting? Choose, because it is one or the other. There is no "neutral" zone. You may think you're being neutral, you may declare to the heavens that you're not the problem, he or she is, but trust me, if you're in the Country of War, you're either playing "hot" or "not." Most people start out in the hot zone. But when that doesn't produce the results they want — and it rarely does — an awful lot of them start shifting location to the not zone.
Those that stay in the hot zone have a fairly easy decision to make: Am I going to keep fighting at full throttle or am I going to stop? Unfortunately, there are plenty who answer with a prolonged battle yelp to keep on fighting a hot, hot war until there is a clear winner, and, of course, they're sure it's going to be them. But many look at their results — the wounded souls, the depleted financial stores, and worst of all, the leaking hearts of the children — and decide there has to be a better way.
But those warriors in the "not zone," they have a much harder time ending the war. Why? Because they don't think they're in one. They don't, or won't, or can't acknowledge that their less histrionic "un-actions" are still actions, still weapons, still battle tactics, still war strategies. It's war all right. A passive-aggressive war. War by attrition. War by wearing down. War by ignoring. War by indirect action. It's war fought in and through noncombatants like children, bankers, financial planners, mothers in law, and employees. It's subtle, but it's war nonetheless.
So, where is the spiritual healing in identifying your mode of war? Truth is, it already started. When you admitted you were in the Country of War, it began. When you observed your behavior and acknowledged your hot or not strategy, it began. When you looked at what you were doing and identified your weapons, it began. When you looked at your results and decided you didn't like them, it began. When you realized war isn't working, it definitely began.
Follow the trail of thought that brought you into War and you can and will find your way out. Just ask Spirit, "Is there another way? There has to be another way. Show me another way" and you will find your exit and receive the essential spiritual gift that War — and only War — can bestow: wisdom in action. Study your actions, hot or not, set your intention to change, and ask Spirit to show you the way.
There's a big surprise coming your way when you do: your ex will shift his or her behavior, too. Not right away perhaps, but eventually you will see a change. Hot will decrease. Not will release. And the lights on the exit sign will brighten.
(Next week: How do I put my weapons down?)
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E. (Spiritual Explorer), is an expert on the power of practical spirituality to heal your broken heart and transform your world. She is the cartographer of the map of spiritual healing and author of the seven travel guides in the Spiritual Geographyseries. In addition to divine dialogue, she welcomes human conversation at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Janet Conner
— — —
UPI Religion & Spirituality Forum is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by UPI Religion & Spirituality Forum.
When people look at the map of Spiritual Geography (www.spiritualgeography.com) for the first time, their eyes track the countries from West to East beginning with Betrayal and ending with Peace. Invariably their eyes go back to War and settle there for a moment, looking at Battle Mountain Range and the Combat Zones. Then, they look up at me and I can see the question in their eyes: "Isn't there some way to bypass War?"
People expect me to smile and say that the point of the map is exactly that — to demonstrate how to avoid War. But that's not the point of the map. The purpose of the map of Spiritual Geography is to portray the healing process — the total healing process. Each of the seven countries has a spiritual purpose. Each offers a spiritual task to be accomplished and, in the process, a precious spiritual gift to be received. That means there is a purpose and meaning to your pilgrimage through every country — including War.
You don't have to stay long but, if your relationship has imploded, you do have to visit. If you don't, you miss the opportunity to study your personal form of battle. You miss the chance to identify your weapons and how you use them. You miss the opportunity to explore how your attitude and intention exacerbates or relieves the situation. And, if you skip War, you miss your best opportunity to study yourself in action — high-stress, high-stakes action — and evaluate your results.
Do you want to end the war? Of course you do, everyone says they want to end the war. Well, if you want to end the war, you have to change the war, starting with yourself. You can't change the other guy's tactics. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. You can only change your own. But when you do, you will see a shift in the whole dynamic. The paradoxical truth is that you can end the war by consciously going to the Country of War and discovering what you've done to create and hold on to your personal war. You change, and your partner will change, too.
So, off to War we go. And what do we find there? Two kinds of wars: hot war and cold war. That's it. Two kinds. And they are easy to decipher.
You know when you're in a hot war. The external clues are obvious. Pretend, for a moment, that you are an observer, not a participant. What do you hear? Screaming, cursing, banging doors, screeching brakes. What do you see? Frantic calls to attorneys, nasty letters, phones slammed hard into their cradles, calendars packed full of attorney and court appointments. You see action! In the end, hot action is the herald of hot war. People taking action to outwit, outsmart, outthink, outmaneuver, and outplay their enemy. People struggling to get something, whether they actually want it or not. People moving, shoving, talking, pushing. People in action; that's hot war.
How about cold war? Ah, that's another thing altogether. Go back as the observer. What do you hear? Sighs, perhaps. A few quiet sobs. A little talk, some snide remarks, but not much, really. What do you see? Faces turned away, children waiting, phones unanswered, things not said, things not done. Cold war is harder to watch and harder to identify because you can't tell where to focus. There doesn't appear to be a thread of action with one thing leading to another, to another, and then, another. Oh, but there is. There certainly is. It is the thread of "not": not speaking, not doing, not responding, not being ready, not answering, not telling the truth. "Not" is a most interesting thread to try to follow. "Not" is the polar opposite of "hot."
Which war are you fighting? Choose, because it is one or the other. There is no "neutral" zone. You may think you're being neutral, you may declare to the heavens that you're not the problem, he or she is, but trust me, if you're in the Country of War, you're either playing "hot" or "not." Most people start out in the hot zone. But when that doesn't produce the results they want — and it rarely does — an awful lot of them start shifting location to the not zone.
Those that stay in the hot zone have a fairly easy decision to make: Am I going to keep fighting at full throttle or am I going to stop? Unfortunately, there are plenty who answer with a prolonged battle yelp to keep on fighting a hot, hot war until there is a clear winner, and, of course, they're sure it's going to be them. But many look at their results — the wounded souls, the depleted financial stores, and worst of all, the leaking hearts of the children — and decide there has to be a better way.
But those warriors in the "not zone," they have a much harder time ending the war. Why? Because they don't think they're in one. They don't, or won't, or can't acknowledge that their less histrionic "un-actions" are still actions, still weapons, still battle tactics, still war strategies. It's war all right. A passive-aggressive war. War by attrition. War by wearing down. War by ignoring. War by indirect action. It's war fought in and through noncombatants like children, bankers, financial planners, mothers in law, and employees. It's subtle, but it's war nonetheless.
So, where is the spiritual healing in identifying your mode of war? Truth is, it already started. When you admitted you were in the Country of War, it began. When you observed your behavior and acknowledged your hot or not strategy, it began. When you looked at what you were doing and identified your weapons, it began. When you looked at your results and decided you didn't like them, it began. When you realized war isn't working, it definitely began.
Follow the trail of thought that brought you into War and you can and will find your way out. Just ask Spirit, "Is there another way? There has to be another way. Show me another way" and you will find your exit and receive the essential spiritual gift that War — and only War — can bestow: wisdom in action. Study your actions, hot or not, set your intention to change, and ask Spirit to show you the way.
There's a big surprise coming your way when you do: your ex will shift his or her behavior, too. Not right away perhaps, but eventually you will see a change. Hot will decrease. Not will release. And the lights on the exit sign will brighten.
(Next week: How do I put my weapons down?)
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E. (Spiritual Explorer), is an expert on the power of practical spirituality to heal your broken heart and transform your world. She is the cartographer of the map of spiritual healing and author of the seven travel guides in the Spiritual Geographyseries. In addition to divine dialogue, she welcomes human conversation at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Janet Conner
UPI Religion & Spirituality Forum is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by UPI Religion & Spirituality Forum.