Monday, August 7, 2006 at 12:12am
To heal betrayal, first learn to see
Column: Writing Down Your Soul
In her "Spiritual Geography" series, Janet Conner walks beside the broken hearted, teaching them how to locate their position on the map of spiritual healing and unlock the personal divine guidance that will move them from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Everyone begins in the Country of Betrayal and travels through the Countries of Pain, War, Illusion, Surrender, and Choice, accomplishing a spiritual task and receiving a spiritual gift in each country. The journey culminates in the Country of Peace with the miracle of forgiveness and the receipt of a healed, whole, and holy heart. Today, we conclude our exploration of Betrayal.
Everyone is on the map of spiritual healing — everyone who's ever had a broken heart, that is. (I think that's just about everyone over 17, don't you?) The moment your heart breaks, you are catapulted into the Country of Betrayal, a strange land full of chaos, confusion, and fear. Suddenly, nothing is clear. Suddenly, everything you take for granted is gone. Suddenly, everything you think you know may not be true at all.
Want to get out? Want to end the chaos? Restore some clarity? Quiet your fears? You can accomplish all that and more, but first you have something important to do.
Every country has a purpose — a spiritual purpose. You are in Betrayal because you were unwilling to see the truth of your relationship. Little things happened, little things that didn't feel right, but you turned your head away, unwilling to name the problem or look it in the eye. I know you did this. I did it, too. We are really quite funny in that way. We look the other way, hoping the problem will simply disappear while we're not looking. Mother Nature invented a comical version of this all-too-human behavior — the ostrich.
At first, we get away with our little self-subterfuge, because the problems are little — little slights, little putdowns, little snubs. Look away for a moment, and the little problem passes. But over time, unfortunately, the problems get bigger. One day it's not enough to simply turn away or pretend not to see. The trouble is too big, too loud, too obvious.
I was the all-time "Look Away Queen." The universe had to work hard to get my attention. My husband came home at ten o'clock at night. "Oh," I told our son, "your daddy works so hard." He called his secretary's name in his sleep. Wow, I thought, he's so dedicated he even dreams about work. The office phone went to voicemail in the afternoon. Hmm, I guess the whole office is working on a really important project. I had to work HARD at not seeing! And I did a really good job of it.
Finally, I think my angel was fed up with me, and decided to take matters into her hands. I walked into my home office one day. My husband was on the computer sending an e-mail. Over his shoulder I read: "I want to find a place just for us." When he realized I was in the room, he quickly minimized the screen. But it was too late. At long last, I couldn't look away. It had taken a lot of effort to NOT see, now it was time to learn to see.
My story may seem a bit extreme, but the truth at its core is the truth of all broken hearts: Before your heart can be broken, your eyes have to stop seeing. So, of course, our first task in the journey to wholeness is to learn to see. It has to be. Until you can trust that you see what you see — and you know that you see what you see — you don't have the essential tool that allows you to explore the rest of the map. You want to have a whole, healthy, and holy heart, don't you? Then, first you must learn to open your eyes.
But don't expect your eyes to snap open all at once and stay open. It took years to develop the habit of not seeing. It will take time to build the practice of looking — really looking — and digesting the truth of what you see. But gradually, as you look back at your relationship, you will begin to see what you have been refusing to see.
The problem then becomes one of looking forward. No matter how hard you peer into the future, you don't know — can't know — what's going to happen. Everything about the future is an unknown. Where will you live? How will people react? What will happen to the children? What will happen to your possessions, your shared friendships, your savings? Welcome to one of the many great paradoxes of spiritual healing: Your eyes are open and you've learned to see; yet you have to leap blind into the unknown.
I know what you'll do. You'll glance back and think, "Well, maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe we should try again." And for a brief moment, you will. You'll take one step back, but then your stomach will tighten, you breath will become shallow, your neck will start to ache, and you'll realize that you can't go back; you can't live that life anymore.
Now that your eyes are open — even a little — you simply cannot go back. So forward it must be. Despite the darkness. Despite the fear. Despite the fact that nothing is known.
Ready, set, go. With your eyes open, you take a feeble jump off the cliff surrounding the Country of Betrayal and tumble through the air racked with fear. But as you fall, you have a nascent awareness: I am floating in God's breath.
And so, you fall into the journey that will heal your broken heart, knowing you have one exquisite spiritual gift: You can see. And that means you can never be spiritually blind again. Not bad for just the first leg of the journey.
Next week: Where will you land?
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E., is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Spiritual Geography has been hailed by professionals in the mental health, legal, and ministerial fields as the first system to not only map the total healing process, but also provide practical spiritual tools that anyone can use to move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. In her workshops and keynotes, Janet shares her unique take on the power of sacred journaling, personal prayer, and forgiveness to heal the broken heart. In partnership with Robert A. Evans, PhD, she offers Spiritual Geography Group Process Certification. The first three books in the Spiritual Geography series are available through Amazon and major retailers. Visit Spiritual Geography for interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Janet Conner
— — —
ReligionAndSpirituality.com is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by ReligionAndSpirituality.com.
Everyone is on the map of spiritual healing — everyone who's ever had a broken heart, that is. (I think that's just about everyone over 17, don't you?) The moment your heart breaks, you are catapulted into the Country of Betrayal, a strange land full of chaos, confusion, and fear. Suddenly, nothing is clear. Suddenly, everything you take for granted is gone. Suddenly, everything you think you know may not be true at all.
Want to get out? Want to end the chaos? Restore some clarity? Quiet your fears? You can accomplish all that and more, but first you have something important to do.
Every country has a purpose — a spiritual purpose. You are in Betrayal because you were unwilling to see the truth of your relationship. Little things happened, little things that didn't feel right, but you turned your head away, unwilling to name the problem or look it in the eye. I know you did this. I did it, too. We are really quite funny in that way. We look the other way, hoping the problem will simply disappear while we're not looking. Mother Nature invented a comical version of this all-too-human behavior — the ostrich.
At first, we get away with our little self-subterfuge, because the problems are little — little slights, little putdowns, little snubs. Look away for a moment, and the little problem passes. But over time, unfortunately, the problems get bigger. One day it's not enough to simply turn away or pretend not to see. The trouble is too big, too loud, too obvious.
I was the all-time "Look Away Queen." The universe had to work hard to get my attention. My husband came home at ten o'clock at night. "Oh," I told our son, "your daddy works so hard." He called his secretary's name in his sleep. Wow, I thought, he's so dedicated he even dreams about work. The office phone went to voicemail in the afternoon. Hmm, I guess the whole office is working on a really important project. I had to work HARD at not seeing! And I did a really good job of it.
Finally, I think my angel was fed up with me, and decided to take matters into her hands. I walked into my home office one day. My husband was on the computer sending an e-mail. Over his shoulder I read: "I want to find a place just for us." When he realized I was in the room, he quickly minimized the screen. But it was too late. At long last, I couldn't look away. It had taken a lot of effort to NOT see, now it was time to learn to see.
My story may seem a bit extreme, but the truth at its core is the truth of all broken hearts: Before your heart can be broken, your eyes have to stop seeing. So, of course, our first task in the journey to wholeness is to learn to see. It has to be. Until you can trust that you see what you see — and you know that you see what you see — you don't have the essential tool that allows you to explore the rest of the map. You want to have a whole, healthy, and holy heart, don't you? Then, first you must learn to open your eyes.
But don't expect your eyes to snap open all at once and stay open. It took years to develop the habit of not seeing. It will take time to build the practice of looking — really looking — and digesting the truth of what you see. But gradually, as you look back at your relationship, you will begin to see what you have been refusing to see.
The problem then becomes one of looking forward. No matter how hard you peer into the future, you don't know — can't know — what's going to happen. Everything about the future is an unknown. Where will you live? How will people react? What will happen to the children? What will happen to your possessions, your shared friendships, your savings? Welcome to one of the many great paradoxes of spiritual healing: Your eyes are open and you've learned to see; yet you have to leap blind into the unknown.
I know what you'll do. You'll glance back and think, "Well, maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe we should try again." And for a brief moment, you will. You'll take one step back, but then your stomach will tighten, you breath will become shallow, your neck will start to ache, and you'll realize that you can't go back; you can't live that life anymore.
Now that your eyes are open — even a little — you simply cannot go back. So forward it must be. Despite the darkness. Despite the fear. Despite the fact that nothing is known.
Ready, set, go. With your eyes open, you take a feeble jump off the cliff surrounding the Country of Betrayal and tumble through the air racked with fear. But as you fall, you have a nascent awareness: I am floating in God's breath.
And so, you fall into the journey that will heal your broken heart, knowing you have one exquisite spiritual gift: You can see. And that means you can never be spiritually blind again. Not bad for just the first leg of the journey.
Next week: Where will you land?
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E., is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Spiritual Geography has been hailed by professionals in the mental health, legal, and ministerial fields as the first system to not only map the total healing process, but also provide practical spiritual tools that anyone can use to move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. In her workshops and keynotes, Janet shares her unique take on the power of sacred journaling, personal prayer, and forgiveness to heal the broken heart. In partnership with Robert A. Evans, PhD, she offers Spiritual Geography Group Process Certification. The first three books in the Spiritual Geography series are available through Amazon and major retailers. Visit Spiritual Geography for interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Janet Conner
ReligionAndSpirituality.com is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by ReligionAndSpirituality.com.