Tuesday, August 15, 2006 at 2:02am
The lonely headwaters of Cry Me A River
Column: Writing Down Your Soul
In her "Spiritual Geography" series, Janet Conner walks beside the broken hearted, teaching them how to locate their position on the map of spiritual healing and unlock the personal divine guidance that will move them from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Everyone begins in the Country of Betrayal and travels through the Countries of Pain, War, Illusion, Surrender, and Choice, accomplishing a spiritual task and receiving a spiritual gift in each country. The journey culminates in the Country of Peace with the miracle of forgiveness and the receipt of a healed, whole, and holy heart. Today, we begin our exploration of the Country of Pain.
When your relationship imploded, you were catapulted into the Country of Betrayal. There, you learned an astonishing lesson: Your relationship disintegrated over time because, at least in part, you averted your eyes. You justified, avoided, and pretended your way into a relationship that simply did not exist. Not really. At least not in the form you imagined. And so, although it was hard, you forced yourself to open your eyes a crack, and then a bit more, until finally you began to see what you had been unwilling to see. It wasn't fun and it wasn't pretty, but you did it. You remembered how to see.
Having accomplished this first, most important, spiritual task, you received the gift of Sight and leaped off Ready Set Go Cliff into your great unknown future. Where did you land? Some people plummet into the Country of War, where they take on the critical spiritual task of learning wisdom in action.
Others plop into the mushy, swampy bogs of Pain. Despite the volatile emotions headed your way, I say, "Welcome." Welcome to the Country of Pain, the next step in your journey from the life you had to your new, conscious, and (someday) joyful life. Welcome to step two in the journey that heals your broken heart.
To help you understand why you're here and what to do to receive the rich spiritual gifts Pain has to offer, here is a brief introduction to the country. You can read the full-length Welcome Section in the second book in the Spiritual Geography series: "Spiritual Geography: The Country of Pain".
Spiritual Task and Gift: This whole journey started in Betrayal because you stopped trusting what you saw and over time your spiritual eyesight shut down. In the same way, you've lost touch with your heart — your deep, feeling heart. You are in Pain to reconnect with that heart and allow its deep seated feelings to surface where you can look at them, befriend them, and heal them. Your spiritual task is to feel what you feel, even the feelings that surprise you with their ferocity and intensity.
Grief, anger, sorrow, rage — even hatred — demand, deserve, and will get, your attention. Every experience in the Country of Pain is designed to help you accomplish this important task of feeling — really feeling — your true emotions. Accomplish that task, and you will move through Pain and receive a second essential spiritual gift — the gift of your open, feeling heart.
Physical Terrain: Pain is a swamp. What else did you expect? You're a soggy mess and so is the country you are traveling through.
Weather: No surprises here: rain, rain, rain. The weather is a mirror of your emotional state.
Emotional Landscape: You will experience a roller coaster of emotions. You'll start with overwhelming sadness and quickly find yourself rocked by more foreign emotions. Whatever you thought you would never do, feel, or say — watch out! — it's about to happen.
Landmarks: You'll experience a massive need for sleep coupled with sleeplessness. Your relationship with food will be on the same teeter-totter: can't eat, or can't stop eating. Watch out for two big defining moments in Pain. One day you'll take off your wedding ring, and, if you were in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, at some point, you'll recognize that, and begin to label what happened as abuse.
Unique Features: Cry Me A River dominates the topography of Pain. Swept along on waves of emotions, you will cry streams and rivers of tears, all of which feed this Amazon-size river. Notice that Cry Me A River starts in Betrayal and terminates in a large delta that feeds Victim Gulf.
Road Signs: As you explore Pain, you'll wrestle with several big questions: Why do I feel so ashamed? What's wrong with me? Why can't I stop crying? Where did this hate come from? How did I get so angry? Why do I feel so out of control? Is life ever going to get better?
Dominant Fear and Prayer Ticket: The dominant fear in Pain is the fear of feeling your feelings. Sounds silly, doesn't it? What else can you do with your feelings but feel them? But, no, we humans are cleverer than that. Just as we learn to shut our eyes, we learn to ignore our feelings, especially the "icky" ones that work so desperately to get our attention. Well, in Pain, they will not be denied.
Are you afraid to feel those deep, dark feelings, the ones that you wish belonged to someone else? The prayer on your prayer ticket soothes that fear. Say it several times a day while you're traveling through Pain: "I am safe and loved." That about covers it, don't you think? You are safe and loved. In God's hands, you are safe and loved.
Exit: You'll know you are ready to leave Pain when you realize you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. One day you'll discover that you have the desire to stand up, the energy to move forward, and a burgeoning will to fight. And, with the essential spiritual gift of your open feeling heart in your pocket, you can go forward to take action, knowing you can trust your emotions to give you the clues you need in order to know what is truly happening.
If the road seems too dark and too scary, remember this: You are on a sacred pilgrimage that opens your soul to heaven and transforms your life on earth. You can, and you will, heal your broken heart. Traveling through Pain is part of that journey. Be not afraid. God is in charge and all is well.
Next week: Who's crazy?
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E. (Spiritual Explorer), is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Visit Spiritual Geography for interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Janet Conner
— — —
ReligionAndSpirituality.com is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by ReligionAndSpirituality.com.
When your relationship imploded, you were catapulted into the Country of Betrayal. There, you learned an astonishing lesson: Your relationship disintegrated over time because, at least in part, you averted your eyes. You justified, avoided, and pretended your way into a relationship that simply did not exist. Not really. At least not in the form you imagined. And so, although it was hard, you forced yourself to open your eyes a crack, and then a bit more, until finally you began to see what you had been unwilling to see. It wasn't fun and it wasn't pretty, but you did it. You remembered how to see.
Having accomplished this first, most important, spiritual task, you received the gift of Sight and leaped off Ready Set Go Cliff into your great unknown future. Where did you land? Some people plummet into the Country of War, where they take on the critical spiritual task of learning wisdom in action.
Others plop into the mushy, swampy bogs of Pain. Despite the volatile emotions headed your way, I say, "Welcome." Welcome to the Country of Pain, the next step in your journey from the life you had to your new, conscious, and (someday) joyful life. Welcome to step two in the journey that heals your broken heart.
To help you understand why you're here and what to do to receive the rich spiritual gifts Pain has to offer, here is a brief introduction to the country. You can read the full-length Welcome Section in the second book in the Spiritual Geography series: "Spiritual Geography: The Country of Pain".
Spiritual Task and Gift: This whole journey started in Betrayal because you stopped trusting what you saw and over time your spiritual eyesight shut down. In the same way, you've lost touch with your heart — your deep, feeling heart. You are in Pain to reconnect with that heart and allow its deep seated feelings to surface where you can look at them, befriend them, and heal them. Your spiritual task is to feel what you feel, even the feelings that surprise you with their ferocity and intensity.
Grief, anger, sorrow, rage — even hatred — demand, deserve, and will get, your attention. Every experience in the Country of Pain is designed to help you accomplish this important task of feeling — really feeling — your true emotions. Accomplish that task, and you will move through Pain and receive a second essential spiritual gift — the gift of your open, feeling heart.
Physical Terrain: Pain is a swamp. What else did you expect? You're a soggy mess and so is the country you are traveling through.
Weather: No surprises here: rain, rain, rain. The weather is a mirror of your emotional state.
Emotional Landscape: You will experience a roller coaster of emotions. You'll start with overwhelming sadness and quickly find yourself rocked by more foreign emotions. Whatever you thought you would never do, feel, or say — watch out! — it's about to happen.
Landmarks: You'll experience a massive need for sleep coupled with sleeplessness. Your relationship with food will be on the same teeter-totter: can't eat, or can't stop eating. Watch out for two big defining moments in Pain. One day you'll take off your wedding ring, and, if you were in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, at some point, you'll recognize that, and begin to label what happened as abuse.
Unique Features: Cry Me A River dominates the topography of Pain. Swept along on waves of emotions, you will cry streams and rivers of tears, all of which feed this Amazon-size river. Notice that Cry Me A River starts in Betrayal and terminates in a large delta that feeds Victim Gulf.
Road Signs: As you explore Pain, you'll wrestle with several big questions: Why do I feel so ashamed? What's wrong with me? Why can't I stop crying? Where did this hate come from? How did I get so angry? Why do I feel so out of control? Is life ever going to get better?
Dominant Fear and Prayer Ticket: The dominant fear in Pain is the fear of feeling your feelings. Sounds silly, doesn't it? What else can you do with your feelings but feel them? But, no, we humans are cleverer than that. Just as we learn to shut our eyes, we learn to ignore our feelings, especially the "icky" ones that work so desperately to get our attention. Well, in Pain, they will not be denied.
Are you afraid to feel those deep, dark feelings, the ones that you wish belonged to someone else? The prayer on your prayer ticket soothes that fear. Say it several times a day while you're traveling through Pain: "I am safe and loved." That about covers it, don't you think? You are safe and loved. In God's hands, you are safe and loved.
Exit: You'll know you are ready to leave Pain when you realize you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. One day you'll discover that you have the desire to stand up, the energy to move forward, and a burgeoning will to fight. And, with the essential spiritual gift of your open feeling heart in your pocket, you can go forward to take action, knowing you can trust your emotions to give you the clues you need in order to know what is truly happening.
If the road seems too dark and too scary, remember this: You are on a sacred pilgrimage that opens your soul to heaven and transforms your life on earth. You can, and you will, heal your broken heart. Traveling through Pain is part of that journey. Be not afraid. God is in charge and all is well.
Next week: Who's crazy?
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E. (Spiritual Explorer), is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Visit Spiritual Geography for interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Janet Conner
ReligionAndSpirituality.com is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by ReligionAndSpirituality.com.