Thursday, August 24, 2006 at 1:01am
Have the patience to love and be loved
Column: Our Place in the Universe
I'm the oldest girl of 11 children, so I come by the role of "big sister" honestly. I have 7 younger brothers and two younger sisters. I was 16 when the youngest was born, so the three "little ones" were my pride and joy, and my special charges.
I remember carrying them up to bed — one in each arm, and one on my back. They slept in the attic, and I still have the arm muscles to prove it! Even though my "baby" sister is in her thirties, I feel that same fierce protectiveness now as I did when she was young.
Some say that growing old is a shame or a pity, but I'm appreciating it. When our dad passed away, and we were all together, I could tell one brother, "Oh, I went through that, and this is what I did." I could tell my sister, "I had that experience too, and this is how it turned out."
My mom says, "I'm telling you this because you have broad shoulders." This is all making me very glad that I've been through the experiences that I have — the heartbreak, the sorrows, the difficulties, the set backs, as well as the joys and gladness. Each time I've learned something it can become another gift I offer to my family.
This past week the women of my family, my two sisters, mom, daughter and niece, went on our first ever vacation together. It was amazing! The first night, the girls, both 21, got into a wrestling match that evolved into the challenge of Queen of the Bed. Who doesn't have memories of jumping up and down on the hotel bed while on vacation?
There they were, both pushing and pulling to knock the other off to become Queen, while I lay watching in the other bed laughing at them and remembering when I had done the very same thing. Suddenly, my laughter caught their attention and then I was at the bottom of the heap with the two girls on top of me!
Later that night, after I had pooped out and fallen asleep, my two sister tried to put toothpaste on my hand to have me rub it on my face, but their giggling woke me up and their plot was foiled. The next night I made sure that I wasn't the first to fall asleep.
Every morning I'd get up early to have coffee with mom. We'd go downstairs while the others were getting ready for the day and she'd confide in me her worries and concerns about the family, She loves us each so much, recognizing our strengths, and supporting our weaknesses. She'd ask advice, and mostly I'd just counsel patience.
In fact, when my sisters too came to me for advice, or even just for an ear to listen, I found myself saying quite often that I've found patience to be the virtue most valued in my life's adventures. Patience, something not advertised much in this fast-paced, fast food, fast and furious culture of ours.
When I was in high school I remember writing a poem about patience:
Patience is a funny word; it makes the nest built by the bird.
It comes unknown to quarrel or fuss; you need it waiting for the bus.
And when your friends refuse to call; you think you have no friends at all . . .
I never had the patience to finish that poem, but I was always interested in the connection between being patient and building relationships.
On our trip, being close as never before since we all became adults, had its share of tension and misunderstanding. The biggest obstacle, though, seemed to be in believing that we were loved and trusted by each other. And each confided in me having that love and trust for the others.
Reminded me of the tulip tree that I'm nurturing in the back yard. It was droopy when I got back from the trip, not having been watered for the days that I was gone. I got out the watering can, and patiently sprinkled water over it for a while. It's doing better now!
— — —
Anne E. Ulvestad is a freelance writer residing in Maryland. She has her masters in earth literacy, and is available for public lectures and group presentations on Spirituality and the Environment. Anne can be reached at {email anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com}anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Anne E. Ulvestad
— — —
ReligionAndSpirituality.com is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by ReligionAndSpirituality.com.
I remember carrying them up to bed — one in each arm, and one on my back. They slept in the attic, and I still have the arm muscles to prove it! Even though my "baby" sister is in her thirties, I feel that same fierce protectiveness now as I did when she was young.
Some say that growing old is a shame or a pity, but I'm appreciating it. When our dad passed away, and we were all together, I could tell one brother, "Oh, I went through that, and this is what I did." I could tell my sister, "I had that experience too, and this is how it turned out."
My mom says, "I'm telling you this because you have broad shoulders." This is all making me very glad that I've been through the experiences that I have — the heartbreak, the sorrows, the difficulties, the set backs, as well as the joys and gladness. Each time I've learned something it can become another gift I offer to my family.
This past week the women of my family, my two sisters, mom, daughter and niece, went on our first ever vacation together. It was amazing! The first night, the girls, both 21, got into a wrestling match that evolved into the challenge of Queen of the Bed. Who doesn't have memories of jumping up and down on the hotel bed while on vacation?
There they were, both pushing and pulling to knock the other off to become Queen, while I lay watching in the other bed laughing at them and remembering when I had done the very same thing. Suddenly, my laughter caught their attention and then I was at the bottom of the heap with the two girls on top of me!
Later that night, after I had pooped out and fallen asleep, my two sister tried to put toothpaste on my hand to have me rub it on my face, but their giggling woke me up and their plot was foiled. The next night I made sure that I wasn't the first to fall asleep.
Every morning I'd get up early to have coffee with mom. We'd go downstairs while the others were getting ready for the day and she'd confide in me her worries and concerns about the family, She loves us each so much, recognizing our strengths, and supporting our weaknesses. She'd ask advice, and mostly I'd just counsel patience.
In fact, when my sisters too came to me for advice, or even just for an ear to listen, I found myself saying quite often that I've found patience to be the virtue most valued in my life's adventures. Patience, something not advertised much in this fast-paced, fast food, fast and furious culture of ours.
When I was in high school I remember writing a poem about patience:
Patience is a funny word; it makes the nest built by the bird.
It comes unknown to quarrel or fuss; you need it waiting for the bus.
And when your friends refuse to call; you think you have no friends at all . . .
I never had the patience to finish that poem, but I was always interested in the connection between being patient and building relationships.
On our trip, being close as never before since we all became adults, had its share of tension and misunderstanding. The biggest obstacle, though, seemed to be in believing that we were loved and trusted by each other. And each confided in me having that love and trust for the others.
Reminded me of the tulip tree that I'm nurturing in the back yard. It was droopy when I got back from the trip, not having been watered for the days that I was gone. I got out the watering can, and patiently sprinkled water over it for a while. It's doing better now!
— — —
Anne E. Ulvestad is a freelance writer residing in Maryland. She has her masters in earth literacy, and is available for public lectures and group presentations on Spirituality and the Environment. Anne can be reached at {email anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com}anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Anne E. Ulvestad
ReligionAndSpirituality.com is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by ReligionAndSpirituality.com.