Tuesday, September 5, 2006 at 2:02am
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Column: Writing Down Your Soul
In her "Spiritual Geography" series, Janet Conner walks beside the broken-hearted, teaching them how to locate their position on the map of spiritual healing and unlock the personal divine guidance that will move them from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Everyone begins in the Country of Betrayal and travels through the Countries of Pain, War, Illusion, Surrender, and Choice, accomplishing a spiritual task and receiving a spiritual gift in each country. The journey culminates in the Country of Peace with the miracle of forgiveness and the receipt of a healed, whole, and holy heart. Today, we conclude our exploration of the Country of Pain.
* * *
In the last three columns, I shared some experiences and insights from the journey through the Country of Pain, the second of the seven countries on the map of Spiritual Geography. Today, we mark the end of our abbreviated walk through the emotional healing stage of your journey to wholeness. At this point the question everyone asks is: How do I know when I'm ready to move on?
There are two big clues. The first is related to the spiritual purpose of your journey through Pain. Your task in Pain is to feel your feelings, even the icky, scary ones like anger and hate. That's why you're here. You won't be ready to leave until you accomplish that task. How do you "feel your feelings"? By being a witness to your own story and allowing your feelings, whatever they may be, to come through, and giving yourself permission to feel them — truly feel them. In the end, you honor yourself by honoring the truth and spiritual purpose of your feelings.
This message is not unique to Spiritual Geography. Professionals in the mental health and spiritual fields have long talked about the important role feelings play in signaling that something is wrong. That "ouch" that accompanies hurt, sadness, or anger gets our attention and gets us moving. This is not a small role. If it weren't for the pain, we might all be stuck in mediocre, spirit-squelching relationships.
And that's the beauty of the journey through Pain: We get the opportunity to stop and smell our feelings, see them, feel them, touch them, pat them on the back, and thank them for giving us a rich view into the depths of our soul.
The other clue that you are ready to exit Pain is a new — and undoubtedly foreign — emotion: the feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. One day you hear yourself complaining again, or watch yourself wiping your tears again, or flop face-down onto the sofa again, and you realize you can't — just can't — do this anymore. You realize it isn't helping; in fact, your pain is keeping you stuck. It's a new form of "ouch." This new ouch is signaling an energy welling up inside and propelling you forward.
That's exactly what happened to me. I stayed in Pain for eighteen months. I know that sounds ungodly, but I had a lot of work to do. I needed to recognize the abuse in my marriage, and it took me a long time to face it and, finally, name it. And, I needed to mourn. Oh God, how I mourned.
But somewhere in there, I began to tap into a well of strength. I think it started with the luscious prayer, "I Hate Him." (You can read "I Hate Him" in "Spiritual Geography: The Country of Pain".) That got the juices flowing. I found myself starting to stand up to my husband in small ways. I began to document his abusive behavior and I began to think about what it would take to win in court.
The biggest surprise — and the surest proof I was ready to move on — I found myself wanting to fight. I had mourned long enough; now it was time to protect my son, protect my home, and get on with my life.
Are you ready to leave the Country of Pain? Did you learn to feel your feelings? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Before you go, ask yourself what you learned in Pain. What feelings did you dissect? What did your emotions teach you? Can you acknowledge and bless your feelings, whatever they may be? Is your heart open to your whole self and your whole range of emotions? Can you comfort yourself by accepting your feelings?
If so, you are ready to exit Pain. As you leave, you will receive the second spiritual gift in your exploration of Spiritual Geography: your open, feeling heart. This open, feeling heart is capable of true, deep, honest feeling. Relish this gift. You've earned it.
Tough roads ahead lie ahead in the Country of War and the Country of Illusion, but be not afraid. You travel with a heart that is alive and open, capable of true and holy feelings. You are safe and loved. Spirit is in charge, and all is well.
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E. (Spiritual Explorer), is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Visit Spiritual Geography for interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Janet Conner
— — —
ReligionAndSpirituality.com is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by ReligionAndSpirituality.com.
* * *
In the last three columns, I shared some experiences and insights from the journey through the Country of Pain, the second of the seven countries on the map of Spiritual Geography. Today, we mark the end of our abbreviated walk through the emotional healing stage of your journey to wholeness. At this point the question everyone asks is: How do I know when I'm ready to move on?
There are two big clues. The first is related to the spiritual purpose of your journey through Pain. Your task in Pain is to feel your feelings, even the icky, scary ones like anger and hate. That's why you're here. You won't be ready to leave until you accomplish that task. How do you "feel your feelings"? By being a witness to your own story and allowing your feelings, whatever they may be, to come through, and giving yourself permission to feel them — truly feel them. In the end, you honor yourself by honoring the truth and spiritual purpose of your feelings.
This message is not unique to Spiritual Geography. Professionals in the mental health and spiritual fields have long talked about the important role feelings play in signaling that something is wrong. That "ouch" that accompanies hurt, sadness, or anger gets our attention and gets us moving. This is not a small role. If it weren't for the pain, we might all be stuck in mediocre, spirit-squelching relationships.
And that's the beauty of the journey through Pain: We get the opportunity to stop and smell our feelings, see them, feel them, touch them, pat them on the back, and thank them for giving us a rich view into the depths of our soul.
The other clue that you are ready to exit Pain is a new — and undoubtedly foreign — emotion: the feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. One day you hear yourself complaining again, or watch yourself wiping your tears again, or flop face-down onto the sofa again, and you realize you can't — just can't — do this anymore. You realize it isn't helping; in fact, your pain is keeping you stuck. It's a new form of "ouch." This new ouch is signaling an energy welling up inside and propelling you forward.
That's exactly what happened to me. I stayed in Pain for eighteen months. I know that sounds ungodly, but I had a lot of work to do. I needed to recognize the abuse in my marriage, and it took me a long time to face it and, finally, name it. And, I needed to mourn. Oh God, how I mourned.
But somewhere in there, I began to tap into a well of strength. I think it started with the luscious prayer, "I Hate Him." (You can read "I Hate Him" in "Spiritual Geography: The Country of Pain".) That got the juices flowing. I found myself starting to stand up to my husband in small ways. I began to document his abusive behavior and I began to think about what it would take to win in court.
The biggest surprise — and the surest proof I was ready to move on — I found myself wanting to fight. I had mourned long enough; now it was time to protect my son, protect my home, and get on with my life.
Are you ready to leave the Country of Pain? Did you learn to feel your feelings? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Before you go, ask yourself what you learned in Pain. What feelings did you dissect? What did your emotions teach you? Can you acknowledge and bless your feelings, whatever they may be? Is your heart open to your whole self and your whole range of emotions? Can you comfort yourself by accepting your feelings?
If so, you are ready to exit Pain. As you leave, you will receive the second spiritual gift in your exploration of Spiritual Geography: your open, feeling heart. This open, feeling heart is capable of true, deep, honest feeling. Relish this gift. You've earned it.
Tough roads ahead lie ahead in the Country of War and the Country of Illusion, but be not afraid. You travel with a heart that is alive and open, capable of true and holy feelings. You are safe and loved. Spirit is in charge, and all is well.
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E. (Spiritual Explorer), is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Visit Spiritual Geography for interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by Janet Conner
ReligionAndSpirituality.com is a big tent for all expressions
of faith and spirituality, neither excluding nor favoring any.
All opinions expressed belong to the writer alone, and are
not necessarily shared by ReligionAndSpirituality.com.