Tuesday, October 31, 2006 at 2:02am
Who does God think you are?
Column: Writing Down Your Soul
In her "Spiritual Geography" series, Janet Conner walks beside the broken hearted, teaching them how to locate their position on the map of spiritual healing and unlock the personal divine guidance that will move them from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Everyone begins in the Country of Betrayal and travels through the Countries of Pain, War, Illusion, Surrender, and Choice, accomplishing a spiritual task and receiving a spiritual gift in each country. The journey culminates in the Country of Peace with the miracle of forgiveness and the receipt of a healed, whole, and holy heart. Today, we continue our exploration of the 5th country on the map, the Country of Surrender.
— — —
The good news about your healing journey through Spiritual Geography is that it is rich in mystical paradoxes. The bad news? The bad news is: It is rich in mystical paradoxes! That's the thing with paradoxes. They are simultaneously delightful and depressing. Energizing and frustrating. Profound and simple.
Wrestle with a paradox and you find yourself going deep inside where things are no longer black and white, good and bad, right or wrong, yes or no. In this cavern in your heart, you discover that everything is connected. The good is IN the bad. The white is IN the black. The yes is IN the no. And the right? Well, suddenly that's not such an interesting question. In Surrender, your soul keeps hunting for the truth — and that is a much richer and harder search.
Have you considered, for example, the possibility that buried in the trauma of your heartbreak is a golden treasure: your discovery of your true self? By the time you get to the Country of Surrender you're ready to start digging to find that true self. In the Country of Illusion you came face to face with the self who lived in fear, and you decided he or she isn't you any more. You declared your freedom from victimhood, but who does that leave? Who are you now? Who is your true self?
I asked God this question while I was taking a bath. A friend had given me "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch and I spent a week reading and re-reading it in the tub after my son fell asleep. It was so compelling that I couldn't leave the bath. Every night I repeatedly let in more hot water until, around midnight, I had to admit the bath was hopelessly cold.
The whole book spoke to me, but one section in particular hit home. In it God says our purpose is to remember who we are. This resonated. This made sense. I could see a veil surrounding the real me. If I could remove it, or at least penetrate it, if I knew who I was — who I was remembering myself to be — then, I could get back on track. I could find my way and get on with my life.
But until I started to remember who I was, I would just keep crying, whining, and worrying about why my life was not proceeding. I felt I was preventing myself from moving forward by not shattering that film, by not searching for the answer to this all important question.
So I asked — not very elegantly. It came out a little annoyed. Sort of, "Well, God, thanks a lot. You could have let me know how easy this is a long time ago. So, I'm asking, okay? Now I'm asking. Who am I?" After I dumped that on God, I took a slow deep breath and asked again in a calmer tone. "This is important, God. I see that. You know. You know the answer. So tell me, please, who am I?"
Nothing happened. I got out, dried my shivering body and waited. Nothing happened. So I brushed my teeth. And it came. Somewhere on the lower molars. It came. A vibration. A sound. A word. It rolled through the air like a little ball of wind, bore into me and burst open: Unafraid.
I felt the word more than heard it. I felt it first in my gut, then in my heart and last in my brain, resonating right behind my eyes. Unafraid. I didn't move. I didn't want to disturb whatever was happening. I just stood there, leaning against the sink, holding the toothbrush perfectly still. Then I started to laugh. Yep. Unafraid. That's it. Unafraid. Thank You, God! Thank You. Thank You. Unafraid! Thank You!
It didn't dawn on me until I wrote in my sacred journal the next morning that unafraid is the exact opposite of the thought that started me on my divorce journey: I am afraid of you. I had turned around. I had come home.
Has your veil occasionally lifted? Have you caught glimmers of your whole and holy self, your best self, the self you want to be? Do you know who that person is? Can you describe that person so richly that he/she comes alive within you? If you want to know, really know, who that person is, ask God.
Pick up your sacred journal and ask: Dear God, who am I? Who am I when I am me? Who am I when I am the me I want to be? Who am I when I listen to You? Who am I when I am the parent I want to be? The friend I want to be? Who did You make me to be?
If these questions don't resonate with you, keep writing until you find your questions. The key is to keep asking and then writing every response no matter how silly or frightening. Write fast and get it all down.
If asking "Who am I?" isn't working, try discussing the opposite with God: Dear God, let me tell you who I'm not. Jot down the attributes you are certain you don't want to be, but also write down the ones that have dominion over you right now that you long to shed. Things like: negative, broken, scattered, scared, asleep, afraid, unaware, controlled, controlling.
Then, when you've got a good handle on the things you don't want to be, start describing the opposite, that is, who you do want to be. For example: Dear God, with your help, I am positive, whole, centered, awake, holy, mindful.
Don't be frustrated if it takes a lot of time and sacred journaling to answer "Who am I?" Don't feel rushed to grab the first words that show up on the page or the first thoughts that float through your head. I think my one word answer — unafraid — was so complete and perfect because I had put so much time into preparing to ask the question. Weeks of reading, thinking, and sacred journaling got me ready to ask the question by getting me ready to hear the answer. If the answer had come before I was ready to hear it and accept it as true, it would have been too easy to reject it as absurd.
Asking God "Who am I?" will change your life. The answer will shift the direction of your path. It will become your personal lighthouse guiding you away from danger and into the safe harbor of your true self. Your journey is about to change. Your life will never be the same. Take your time. Every moment devoted to this question is perfectly spent.
(Next week: Modern manna)
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E., is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Spiritual Geography has been hailed by professionals in the mental health, legal, and ministerial fields as the first system to not only map the total healing process, but also provide practical spiritual tools that anyone can use to move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Visit Spiritual Geography for books, interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at janetconner@tampabay.rr.com.© copyright 2006 by Janet Conner
— — —
The good news about your healing journey through Spiritual Geography is that it is rich in mystical paradoxes. The bad news? The bad news is: It is rich in mystical paradoxes! That's the thing with paradoxes. They are simultaneously delightful and depressing. Energizing and frustrating. Profound and simple.
Wrestle with a paradox and you find yourself going deep inside where things are no longer black and white, good and bad, right or wrong, yes or no. In this cavern in your heart, you discover that everything is connected. The good is IN the bad. The white is IN the black. The yes is IN the no. And the right? Well, suddenly that's not such an interesting question. In Surrender, your soul keeps hunting for the truth — and that is a much richer and harder search.
Have you considered, for example, the possibility that buried in the trauma of your heartbreak is a golden treasure: your discovery of your true self? By the time you get to the Country of Surrender you're ready to start digging to find that true self. In the Country of Illusion you came face to face with the self who lived in fear, and you decided he or she isn't you any more. You declared your freedom from victimhood, but who does that leave? Who are you now? Who is your true self?
I asked God this question while I was taking a bath. A friend had given me "Conversations with God" by Neale Donald Walsch and I spent a week reading and re-reading it in the tub after my son fell asleep. It was so compelling that I couldn't leave the bath. Every night I repeatedly let in more hot water until, around midnight, I had to admit the bath was hopelessly cold.
The whole book spoke to me, but one section in particular hit home. In it God says our purpose is to remember who we are. This resonated. This made sense. I could see a veil surrounding the real me. If I could remove it, or at least penetrate it, if I knew who I was — who I was remembering myself to be — then, I could get back on track. I could find my way and get on with my life.
But until I started to remember who I was, I would just keep crying, whining, and worrying about why my life was not proceeding. I felt I was preventing myself from moving forward by not shattering that film, by not searching for the answer to this all important question.
So I asked — not very elegantly. It came out a little annoyed. Sort of, "Well, God, thanks a lot. You could have let me know how easy this is a long time ago. So, I'm asking, okay? Now I'm asking. Who am I?" After I dumped that on God, I took a slow deep breath and asked again in a calmer tone. "This is important, God. I see that. You know. You know the answer. So tell me, please, who am I?"
Nothing happened. I got out, dried my shivering body and waited. Nothing happened. So I brushed my teeth. And it came. Somewhere on the lower molars. It came. A vibration. A sound. A word. It rolled through the air like a little ball of wind, bore into me and burst open: Unafraid.
I felt the word more than heard it. I felt it first in my gut, then in my heart and last in my brain, resonating right behind my eyes. Unafraid. I didn't move. I didn't want to disturb whatever was happening. I just stood there, leaning against the sink, holding the toothbrush perfectly still. Then I started to laugh. Yep. Unafraid. That's it. Unafraid. Thank You, God! Thank You. Thank You. Unafraid! Thank You!
It didn't dawn on me until I wrote in my sacred journal the next morning that unafraid is the exact opposite of the thought that started me on my divorce journey: I am afraid of you. I had turned around. I had come home.
Has your veil occasionally lifted? Have you caught glimmers of your whole and holy self, your best self, the self you want to be? Do you know who that person is? Can you describe that person so richly that he/she comes alive within you? If you want to know, really know, who that person is, ask God.
Pick up your sacred journal and ask: Dear God, who am I? Who am I when I am me? Who am I when I am the me I want to be? Who am I when I listen to You? Who am I when I am the parent I want to be? The friend I want to be? Who did You make me to be?
If these questions don't resonate with you, keep writing until you find your questions. The key is to keep asking and then writing every response no matter how silly or frightening. Write fast and get it all down.
If asking "Who am I?" isn't working, try discussing the opposite with God: Dear God, let me tell you who I'm not. Jot down the attributes you are certain you don't want to be, but also write down the ones that have dominion over you right now that you long to shed. Things like: negative, broken, scattered, scared, asleep, afraid, unaware, controlled, controlling.
Then, when you've got a good handle on the things you don't want to be, start describing the opposite, that is, who you do want to be. For example: Dear God, with your help, I am positive, whole, centered, awake, holy, mindful.
Don't be frustrated if it takes a lot of time and sacred journaling to answer "Who am I?" Don't feel rushed to grab the first words that show up on the page or the first thoughts that float through your head. I think my one word answer — unafraid — was so complete and perfect because I had put so much time into preparing to ask the question. Weeks of reading, thinking, and sacred journaling got me ready to ask the question by getting me ready to hear the answer. If the answer had come before I was ready to hear it and accept it as true, it would have been too easy to reject it as absurd.
Asking God "Who am I?" will change your life. The answer will shift the direction of your path. It will become your personal lighthouse guiding you away from danger and into the safe harbor of your true self. Your journey is about to change. Your life will never be the same. Take your time. Every moment devoted to this question is perfectly spent.
(Next week: Modern manna)
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E., is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Spiritual Geography has been hailed by professionals in the mental health, legal, and ministerial fields as the first system to not only map the total healing process, but also provide practical spiritual tools that anyone can use to move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Visit Spiritual Geography for books, interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at janetconner@tampabay.rr.com.© copyright 2006 by Janet Conner