Friday, December 22, 2006 at 1:01am
Cheers to Rhiannon
Is Xmas making us sick? A report from HealthDay says that poinsettia plants can cause nausea and diarrhea. Not only that, but the bright red holly berries are highly toxic, and the berries, stems and leaves of mistletoe, Jerusalem cherry and bittersweet are poisonous!
Ahhh, shoot. I guess this means I'll have to find new garnishes for my Chrissy feast this year. Like I haven't got enough to worry about already. ...
To me, Xmas Day means buckets of food, an IV drip feeding alcohol directly into my system, and catching up with A.D.D. nephews, deaf granddads and xenophobic Uncle Johns. It's also the magical season when the only "magic" is the disappearing trick of all the funds from my bank account. And it's the only time of year when you can wear red and green together and get away with it.
I do have one way of coping with it all, though. As Xmas in the Northern Hemisphere coincides with the winter solstice, it's the perfect time to remember Welsh goddess Rhiannon.
She gave birth to a son, Pryderi, at Yule — the winter solstice. Another significant baby was born at the same time centuries later, but as much as I love Jesus, it's Rhiannon in her aspect of fertility and rebirth, transformation, wisdom, and magic that has my heart. After all, it is Rhiannon's magical influence that helped me come up with the ultimate Xmas entertaining plan.
1. Play some reindeer games: The Xmas song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" makes a passing reference to "reindeer games." What are reindeer games anyway?
2. Ask rhetorical Xmas questions: Like, if Good King Wenceslas ordered a pizza, would it be deep-pan, crisp and even? Or, why aren't Santa's little helpers called sub-clauses? And, if Santa is really a man, why does he choose to wear crushed red velvet?
3. Sing the blessing: Have everyone come up with their own Xmas grace and set it to music. Make sure every genre is represented, from opera to rap. Here's mine for this year:
Yo God, Yo de man,
Yo alright, I'm yo fan.
Thanks for the turkey
And the chicken,
And for my fingers
That I'll be lickin.
4. Table art: It's not Xmas unless the dining table is laden with crafty ideas. Kill two birds with one stone by creating art out of the food. Turn the chunky apple sauce into a nifty replica of Michael Jackson post plastic surgery, or use the congealing gravy for Michael Jackson pre plastic surgery. Link onion rings for an edible table border, or hang the roast potatoes from the light fittings for a unique decorative hanging.
5. Create a Xmas dance: The older aunties love this — create a routine that lets them feel they're line-dancing, and you'll have an instant baby-sitter for the whole afternoon.
Step One: Raise arms to shoulder height and punch the air (I call this the "stuff the turkey" step).
Step Two: Roll fists and spin around 450 degrees ("turn the turkey").
Step Three: Wave hands in the air and shake your body ("roasting turkey").
Step Four: Pretend you're a corncob. Pretend you're a corncob.
Step Five: Roll over and lie flat on the ground ("apple pie crust").
And repeat.
6. Start some drinking games: In the spirit of Test Cricket drinking games, apply the same rules to those at the dining table.
ONE DRINK:
• Whenever someone unbuttons his or her pants.
• For every person who sings along with your version of the grace.
• Every time someone grunts that "unnnnh" noise when they stand up or sit down.
• Each time someone mentions the Boxing Day test match.
TWO DRINKS:
• Per 30 minutes for each person napping. Take four drinks if they're still at the dining table.
• Only if you can stop laughing when an aunty falls over during the Xmas dance, or can't get up again at Step Five.
Seriously, champagne is Rhiannon's proof that she loves us and wants us to be happy. So at Xmas, lift your glasses high and often ... but watch out for the hanging potatoes. Cheers!
— — —
Anita Ryan is the creatrix of Goddess.com.au — a free resource to help you connect with your beautiful, sassy, intuitive, lovable and authentic self — your inner goddess. © copyright 2006 by Anita Ryan.
Ahhh, shoot. I guess this means I'll have to find new garnishes for my Chrissy feast this year. Like I haven't got enough to worry about already. ...
To me, Xmas Day means buckets of food, an IV drip feeding alcohol directly into my system, and catching up with A.D.D. nephews, deaf granddads and xenophobic Uncle Johns. It's also the magical season when the only "magic" is the disappearing trick of all the funds from my bank account. And it's the only time of year when you can wear red and green together and get away with it.
I do have one way of coping with it all, though. As Xmas in the Northern Hemisphere coincides with the winter solstice, it's the perfect time to remember Welsh goddess Rhiannon.
She gave birth to a son, Pryderi, at Yule — the winter solstice. Another significant baby was born at the same time centuries later, but as much as I love Jesus, it's Rhiannon in her aspect of fertility and rebirth, transformation, wisdom, and magic that has my heart. After all, it is Rhiannon's magical influence that helped me come up with the ultimate Xmas entertaining plan.
1. Play some reindeer games: The Xmas song "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" makes a passing reference to "reindeer games." What are reindeer games anyway?
2. Ask rhetorical Xmas questions: Like, if Good King Wenceslas ordered a pizza, would it be deep-pan, crisp and even? Or, why aren't Santa's little helpers called sub-clauses? And, if Santa is really a man, why does he choose to wear crushed red velvet?
3. Sing the blessing: Have everyone come up with their own Xmas grace and set it to music. Make sure every genre is represented, from opera to rap. Here's mine for this year:
Yo God, Yo de man,
Yo alright, I'm yo fan.
Thanks for the turkey
And the chicken,
And for my fingers
That I'll be lickin.
4. Table art: It's not Xmas unless the dining table is laden with crafty ideas. Kill two birds with one stone by creating art out of the food. Turn the chunky apple sauce into a nifty replica of Michael Jackson post plastic surgery, or use the congealing gravy for Michael Jackson pre plastic surgery. Link onion rings for an edible table border, or hang the roast potatoes from the light fittings for a unique decorative hanging.
5. Create a Xmas dance: The older aunties love this — create a routine that lets them feel they're line-dancing, and you'll have an instant baby-sitter for the whole afternoon.
Step One: Raise arms to shoulder height and punch the air (I call this the "stuff the turkey" step).
Step Two: Roll fists and spin around 450 degrees ("turn the turkey").
Step Three: Wave hands in the air and shake your body ("roasting turkey").
Step Four: Pretend you're a corncob. Pretend you're a corncob.
Step Five: Roll over and lie flat on the ground ("apple pie crust").
And repeat.
6. Start some drinking games: In the spirit of Test Cricket drinking games, apply the same rules to those at the dining table.
ONE DRINK:
• Whenever someone unbuttons his or her pants.
• For every person who sings along with your version of the grace.
• Every time someone grunts that "unnnnh" noise when they stand up or sit down.
• Each time someone mentions the Boxing Day test match.
TWO DRINKS:
• Per 30 minutes for each person napping. Take four drinks if they're still at the dining table.
• Only if you can stop laughing when an aunty falls over during the Xmas dance, or can't get up again at Step Five.
Seriously, champagne is Rhiannon's proof that she loves us and wants us to be happy. So at Xmas, lift your glasses high and often ... but watch out for the hanging potatoes. Cheers!
— — —
Anita Ryan is the creatrix of Goddess.com.au — a free resource to help you connect with your beautiful, sassy, intuitive, lovable and authentic self — your inner goddess. © copyright 2006 by Anita Ryan.