Monday, December 25, 2006 at 1:01am
The first year is the hardest
Like you, I'm sure, I have had a number of experiences in my life that have left a long-lasting impression on me. And, like you, some of these impressions have given rise to wisdom, while others have given rise to confusion, pain and suffering.
I reflected on this once again recently when two new students came to the weekly Yoga sessions that I do here in Bangkok at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
Since they were new to Yoga, I tried to show and encourage them about how to make the practice of Yoga part of their lives while at the same time letting them understand what challenges it would provide them with. I found myself saying, as I have many times in the past, that the first year is the hardest, and that after that, one becomes more comfortable with the practice of Yoga and what it involves.
This idea of the first year being the hardest was something that I had also experienced at another time and context in my life, that being when, some 25 years ago, I got away from a substance abuse problem that I had.
This problem was one that lasted for close to 10 years and involved a daily preoccupation with, pursuit of, and use of drugs, except for two periods of time spent in jail or prison, one for eight months and the other for two and a half years.
These times spent in jail and prison were as a result of drug use and an inability to live a balanced and mindful life due to anxiety and personality disorders that led to the use of drugs in the first place, and the inability of myself and family to see these disorders and get counseling or treatment for them.
They were brought about through a number of factors, foremost of which was having been sexually molested by a neighborhood clergyman at the age of 13. Add to that the neglectful and, at times, abusive attitudes and actions of my parents, who had divorced while I was still at a young age.
I found that the first year in getting away from my substance abuse was the hardest, as I had to deal with new feelings and ways of looking at things, while admitting that I had a problem and wanted to, more then anything in the world, stay away from drugs and other substances and maintain sobriety.
As of now, I have been sober and free from any kind of interest or need for drugs, substances or alcohol for 25 years. I seldom look at my previous experience in any way other than as one to learn from and laugh at — laughing at times at my own ignorance and foolishness, and at other times with a joy that those days are gone forever and that there are better things to do with one's life.
Though I was successful in getting away from drugs, many others are not, just as they may not be successful at staying out of prison, making a meaningful contribution to their family, community and humankind as a whole, or making the consistent practice of Yoga part of their lives.
In order to maintain sobriety and build on it in a meaningful manner, there are a number of things that Yoga and Buddhism can assist us with, while other therapeutic approaches, ones that for the most part seem to consist of nothing more then commonsense practices, can also be of some assistance.
First, let's take a look at what Yoga and Buddhist teachings and disciplines can give us. Such disciplines make us more "mindful." They do this through education, the acquisition of knowledge that comes as a result of that education, and the practice of meditation. Through the practice of meditation, we experience a number of things, one being that we see who and how we are with greater clarity. Sometimes what we see can be difficult or challenging to accept, but it does educate us in a way that leads to wisdom.
Yoga and Buddhist teachings and disciplines also strengthen, purify, focus and balance the mind and body. This is accomplished through posture practice, relaxation practice, breathing techniques, meditation and making a determined effort to build our thoughts, words and actions around the moral and ethical guidelines that they provide us with.
Other approaches to cultivating and maintaining sobriety in one's life and not having any kind of relapse involve things that one can do as individuals or that therapists, caregivers and family and friends can apply and provide.
One of these is the cultivation of new skills and interests. This means that people can learn about and do something that they did not have a previous skill or interest in. It may be something very simple, such as reading or cooking, or something that requires more effort, such as learning to fly or play and participate in a new sport.
Another one is the cultivation of new habits. This involves using one's time and energy in actions and activities other than to do something such as pursue drugs or use them.
It could involve spending more time doing housework and chores around the home, or watching less television and spending more time learning and educating oneself.
Those things that can be brought to an individual's struggle with cultivating and maintaining sobriety by therapists, caregivers and family and friends are to nurture an individual's strengths. Yoga, Buddhist and Christian teachings all remind us that we all have strengths and weaknesses. We as individuals can ignorantly think we are strong, or ignorantly think that we are weak and worthless. We need to make others mindful about what their strengths are as human beings and help them know the ways that they can build on their strengths.
Related to the idea of nurturing an individual's strengths is that of not criticizing and condemning them out of our own ignorance, while at the same time making them mindful about what their weaknesses or shortcoming may be. This should never be done in a way that is abusive or demeaning or done in public.
In doing such a thing, we can acknowledge our own struggles with life and what our weaknesses are or may be.
Even though this writer gets much praise from various individuals because of his work, I always think of and refer to myself as being a weak person, because I am mindful about what those weaknesses are.
With mindfulness of what our strengths and weaknesses are, we weaken ignorance and provide a foundation for working on ourselves.
As people who are sincerely interested in assisting others to get to a better place in their lives, we wish to try to spend some really quality time with them in ways that give them guidance and show our friendship and affection for them.
Of course, one would think that this is something that parents would naturally understand and do, but the experience of many shows time and time again that this is not always the case.
Related to this is the idea of family therapy and counseling, so that all members of the family understand the individual and themselves and their own attitudes and habits better and that how they relate to and interact with each other are things that can add to the problem or assist in solving it.
The first year in anything new can be challenging, be it a marriage, a job, doing time in prison, getting away from drugs, doing Yoga, going to university or even something that on the surface seems enjoyable and satisfying, such as traveling the world or living in another country.
We usually find that the stresses and challenges that we face and overcome during that first year are ones that give us experience and confidence that are much needed and can provide us with a firm foundation for greater mindfulness, wisdom and effort in subsequent years.
— — —
John C. Kimbrough has taught English, Yoga and Buddhism on a full-time, part-time and volunteer basis in Asia for the last 20 years. He did his teacher training for these subjects in Singapore, England and India and currently lives and teaches in Bangkok, Thailand. He also does volunteer work in Banteay Meanchey province in Cambodia, teaching Yoga to prisoners in the local provincial prison and to individuals disabled by land mines. His writings on Yoga, Buddhism and better health and living are widely available on the Internet. His email address is {email johnckimbrough@yahoo.com}johnckimbrough@yahoo.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by John C. Kimbrough
I reflected on this once again recently when two new students came to the weekly Yoga sessions that I do here in Bangkok at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
Since they were new to Yoga, I tried to show and encourage them about how to make the practice of Yoga part of their lives while at the same time letting them understand what challenges it would provide them with. I found myself saying, as I have many times in the past, that the first year is the hardest, and that after that, one becomes more comfortable with the practice of Yoga and what it involves.
This idea of the first year being the hardest was something that I had also experienced at another time and context in my life, that being when, some 25 years ago, I got away from a substance abuse problem that I had.
This problem was one that lasted for close to 10 years and involved a daily preoccupation with, pursuit of, and use of drugs, except for two periods of time spent in jail or prison, one for eight months and the other for two and a half years.
These times spent in jail and prison were as a result of drug use and an inability to live a balanced and mindful life due to anxiety and personality disorders that led to the use of drugs in the first place, and the inability of myself and family to see these disorders and get counseling or treatment for them.
They were brought about through a number of factors, foremost of which was having been sexually molested by a neighborhood clergyman at the age of 13. Add to that the neglectful and, at times, abusive attitudes and actions of my parents, who had divorced while I was still at a young age.
I found that the first year in getting away from my substance abuse was the hardest, as I had to deal with new feelings and ways of looking at things, while admitting that I had a problem and wanted to, more then anything in the world, stay away from drugs and other substances and maintain sobriety.
As of now, I have been sober and free from any kind of interest or need for drugs, substances or alcohol for 25 years. I seldom look at my previous experience in any way other than as one to learn from and laugh at — laughing at times at my own ignorance and foolishness, and at other times with a joy that those days are gone forever and that there are better things to do with one's life.
Though I was successful in getting away from drugs, many others are not, just as they may not be successful at staying out of prison, making a meaningful contribution to their family, community and humankind as a whole, or making the consistent practice of Yoga part of their lives.
In order to maintain sobriety and build on it in a meaningful manner, there are a number of things that Yoga and Buddhism can assist us with, while other therapeutic approaches, ones that for the most part seem to consist of nothing more then commonsense practices, can also be of some assistance.
First, let's take a look at what Yoga and Buddhist teachings and disciplines can give us. Such disciplines make us more "mindful." They do this through education, the acquisition of knowledge that comes as a result of that education, and the practice of meditation. Through the practice of meditation, we experience a number of things, one being that we see who and how we are with greater clarity. Sometimes what we see can be difficult or challenging to accept, but it does educate us in a way that leads to wisdom.
Yoga and Buddhist teachings and disciplines also strengthen, purify, focus and balance the mind and body. This is accomplished through posture practice, relaxation practice, breathing techniques, meditation and making a determined effort to build our thoughts, words and actions around the moral and ethical guidelines that they provide us with.
Other approaches to cultivating and maintaining sobriety in one's life and not having any kind of relapse involve things that one can do as individuals or that therapists, caregivers and family and friends can apply and provide.
One of these is the cultivation of new skills and interests. This means that people can learn about and do something that they did not have a previous skill or interest in. It may be something very simple, such as reading or cooking, or something that requires more effort, such as learning to fly or play and participate in a new sport.
Another one is the cultivation of new habits. This involves using one's time and energy in actions and activities other than to do something such as pursue drugs or use them.
It could involve spending more time doing housework and chores around the home, or watching less television and spending more time learning and educating oneself.
Those things that can be brought to an individual's struggle with cultivating and maintaining sobriety by therapists, caregivers and family and friends are to nurture an individual's strengths. Yoga, Buddhist and Christian teachings all remind us that we all have strengths and weaknesses. We as individuals can ignorantly think we are strong, or ignorantly think that we are weak and worthless. We need to make others mindful about what their strengths are as human beings and help them know the ways that they can build on their strengths.
Related to the idea of nurturing an individual's strengths is that of not criticizing and condemning them out of our own ignorance, while at the same time making them mindful about what their weaknesses or shortcoming may be. This should never be done in a way that is abusive or demeaning or done in public.
In doing such a thing, we can acknowledge our own struggles with life and what our weaknesses are or may be.
Even though this writer gets much praise from various individuals because of his work, I always think of and refer to myself as being a weak person, because I am mindful about what those weaknesses are.
With mindfulness of what our strengths and weaknesses are, we weaken ignorance and provide a foundation for working on ourselves.
As people who are sincerely interested in assisting others to get to a better place in their lives, we wish to try to spend some really quality time with them in ways that give them guidance and show our friendship and affection for them.
Of course, one would think that this is something that parents would naturally understand and do, but the experience of many shows time and time again that this is not always the case.
Related to this is the idea of family therapy and counseling, so that all members of the family understand the individual and themselves and their own attitudes and habits better and that how they relate to and interact with each other are things that can add to the problem or assist in solving it.
The first year in anything new can be challenging, be it a marriage, a job, doing time in prison, getting away from drugs, doing Yoga, going to university or even something that on the surface seems enjoyable and satisfying, such as traveling the world or living in another country.
We usually find that the stresses and challenges that we face and overcome during that first year are ones that give us experience and confidence that are much needed and can provide us with a firm foundation for greater mindfulness, wisdom and effort in subsequent years.
— — —
John C. Kimbrough has taught English, Yoga and Buddhism on a full-time, part-time and volunteer basis in Asia for the last 20 years. He did his teacher training for these subjects in Singapore, England and India and currently lives and teaches in Bangkok, Thailand. He also does volunteer work in Banteay Meanchey province in Cambodia, teaching Yoga to prisoners in the local provincial prison and to individuals disabled by land mines. His writings on Yoga, Buddhism and better health and living are widely available on the Internet. His email address is {email johnckimbrough@yahoo.com}johnckimbrough@yahoo.com{/email}. © copyright 2006 by John C. Kimbrough