Wednesday, December 27, 2006 at 1:01am
Seventy women
In sharing things with other people, we always seem to be at risk of making them upset or angry. And then many times, in their feelings of being angry, they strike out at us. Later they may not have the integrity or maturity to sit down and apologize or at least acknowledge that they could have been mistaken in their conduct.
Maybe it is easier and more pleasant to sit around doing drugs, drinking and watching television than to attempt to better understand who and how we are, and why we feel such a way. And maybe many people would rather tell you what is wrong with you, get angry with you or talk about their own thoughts, feelings, experiences and hurts, than listen to what another thinks or feels about a subject or experience.
What brings all of these somber thoughts and feelings to my consciousness today?
I would like to think that it could be one result of the purification process one experiences through the practice of Yoga and Buddhism. Certainly, that could be part of it, since in some manner I am involved in the teaching or practice of Yoga on a daily basis.
But maybe it simply has to do with the way life is, in that as we get older and change, certain memories come back to us — either things that we have forgotten or things we now view from a different perspective than we did before.
I share things with you, the reader, who doesn't know me and maybe never will. But still I feel a respect and kinship for what you think and feel about your existence and your memories as you stroll down life's sometimes beautiful — but often rocky, bumpy and perhaps ugly — path.
For example, women. For years I lived in this dream world of looking at women as being lovely, wise, and desirable, and still like to think that women are a wise and noble gender. And I realize that in talking about people in terms of sex, a person can be seen to be making unfair generalizations or engaged in hostile gender bias.
Perhaps we are all foolish, or have been foolish at least once, and lacked understanding by making comments and judgments about whole groups of people based on their gender, instead of seeing them as individual human beings with their assorted troubles, confusion and pain.
Teachers like Jesus and Buddha tried to make us mindful of who and how we are — and the great potential we have as human beings. I think they saw others as being much more than angry, lustful and greedy people, and that they wanted us to be like that as well.
I frequently think that the true spirit within us all, the soul, the pure energy, whatever it is that we want to call it and what it is that we strive for, has characteristics and attributes that are not to be identified with one's gender but instead with that pure energy form that makes it up.
The soul, the human spirit, has no gender. It has a state that, when it is accessed, or cultivated, or maintained, manifests itself in how we think, speak and act regardless of what our gender is. It seems that we as human beings, in our body and how we identify with it so strongly, especially sexually, tend to, too many times, look at people in terms of their gender instead of in terms of just being human.
This is not surprising and made more a part of our being when others relate to us or make generalizations about us based on our gender. They do not give themselves a chance to get to know us, nor they do they seem to really want to do such a thing. And of course, we can also frequently be such a way to them. I guess what we want is for other people to meet our desires and fulfill our wishes, and other then that, we may not care very much about them or be very interested in them.
So why the headline "Seventy women?"
I recently learned that there are 70 women currently in the Texas prison system for murdering their children. I have tried to verify this figure through research on the Internet, but have been unsuccessful in my attempts to do so as yet. There are a lot of people in Texas, and the prison population in Texas is one of the largest in the United States.
But seeing this figure — 70 women currently incarcerated in the Texas prison system for murdering their children — startled me. It surprised and saddened me that a mother would kill her child. But then, not all women are at peace, lovely and wholesome in their life attitudes and actions.
Women harbor anger, defensiveness, resentment — and I have heard some say that all the bad things women think, say or do are a result of what their father or some man in their life did to them. I have heard too many men and women talk badly and make gross generalizations about people of the opposite sex. I have heard men referring to women as "bitches" and women referring to men as "bastards."
I have seen men who think they can, and should, take out their anger on women in ways that emotionally, physically and sexually demean and abuse them. And in some cases, kill them. And I have met women who think they can be angry at men, without understanding the issues a man faces, in trying to fulfill whatever (albeit sometimes warped) ideas he may have about what it means to be a man. Women sometimes judge without having any idea what kind of pressures are placed on him in a male-dominated world.
Perhaps we all could benefit from slowing down and seeing one another as human beings, and start from there, instead of being too quick to look at others in ways that may actually be making ourselves less mindful and skillful in our own life.
I guess my experiences with men and women just remind me that there are a lot of people who are suffering, not in the overt manner that we usually associate with suffering — illness, poverty, being exploited and victimized by others and war — but suffering because of some conflicted or disturbed feelings and thoughts within.
I have no idea at this time how many men are in the U.S. or Texas prison system who murdered their children. It could be as many as there are women, or less. Or more.
Any kind of abuse of another human being, in thought, in word or in action, is not needed, and many times not necessary in life. And in most cases it seems to be true that confused or troubled women have been abused in some manner, in the present or past, by a man in their family.
Often it seems to have been some form of sexual abuse. Personally, I have found that most of the women whom I have known have been abused sexually by some man in their life, usually when they were children. By they aren't all women either. My own life experience was marked by being sexually abused as a child by a man who, interestingly enough, was the person who took the most interest and was the kindest to me during my youth.
Perhaps it takes wisdom to see all of these people and their experiences as being part of the human condition, rather than looking at them as gender issues.
Maybe what is most important is that we all try to be more mindful and accountable about what we think, say and do. If we are angry and unfair because of anger to another, let us be able to explain or apologize for how we felt and what we may have said or done because of it.
If we have a tendency toward impatience and anger, let us have the maturity, insight, integrity and wisdom to acknowledge this, and make some kind of sincere effort to deal with it in a manner that weakens or surmounts the tendency.
And if we can do such a thing, let us be thankful that we were made mindful of what it was in us that was abusive to ourselves and others, and grateful that we had the ability and means to find a way to deal with it.
— — —
John C. Kimbrough has taught English, Yoga and Buddhism on a fulltime, parttime and volunteer basis in Asia for the last 20 years. He did his teacher training for these subjects in Singapore, England and India and currently lives and teaches in Bangkok, Thailand. He also does volunteer work in Banteay Meanchey province in Cambodia, teaching Yoga to prisoners in the local provincial prison and to individuals disabled by land mines. His writings on Yoga, Buddhism and better health and living are widely available on the Internet. His email address is {email johnckimbrough@yahoo.com}johnckimbrough@yahoo.com{/email}.
© copyright 2006 by John C. Kimbrough
Maybe it is easier and more pleasant to sit around doing drugs, drinking and watching television than to attempt to better understand who and how we are, and why we feel such a way. And maybe many people would rather tell you what is wrong with you, get angry with you or talk about their own thoughts, feelings, experiences and hurts, than listen to what another thinks or feels about a subject or experience.
What brings all of these somber thoughts and feelings to my consciousness today?
I would like to think that it could be one result of the purification process one experiences through the practice of Yoga and Buddhism. Certainly, that could be part of it, since in some manner I am involved in the teaching or practice of Yoga on a daily basis.
But maybe it simply has to do with the way life is, in that as we get older and change, certain memories come back to us — either things that we have forgotten or things we now view from a different perspective than we did before.
I share things with you, the reader, who doesn't know me and maybe never will. But still I feel a respect and kinship for what you think and feel about your existence and your memories as you stroll down life's sometimes beautiful — but often rocky, bumpy and perhaps ugly — path.
For example, women. For years I lived in this dream world of looking at women as being lovely, wise, and desirable, and still like to think that women are a wise and noble gender. And I realize that in talking about people in terms of sex, a person can be seen to be making unfair generalizations or engaged in hostile gender bias.
Perhaps we are all foolish, or have been foolish at least once, and lacked understanding by making comments and judgments about whole groups of people based on their gender, instead of seeing them as individual human beings with their assorted troubles, confusion and pain.
Teachers like Jesus and Buddha tried to make us mindful of who and how we are — and the great potential we have as human beings. I think they saw others as being much more than angry, lustful and greedy people, and that they wanted us to be like that as well.
I frequently think that the true spirit within us all, the soul, the pure energy, whatever it is that we want to call it and what it is that we strive for, has characteristics and attributes that are not to be identified with one's gender but instead with that pure energy form that makes it up.
The soul, the human spirit, has no gender. It has a state that, when it is accessed, or cultivated, or maintained, manifests itself in how we think, speak and act regardless of what our gender is. It seems that we as human beings, in our body and how we identify with it so strongly, especially sexually, tend to, too many times, look at people in terms of their gender instead of in terms of just being human.
This is not surprising and made more a part of our being when others relate to us or make generalizations about us based on our gender. They do not give themselves a chance to get to know us, nor they do they seem to really want to do such a thing. And of course, we can also frequently be such a way to them. I guess what we want is for other people to meet our desires and fulfill our wishes, and other then that, we may not care very much about them or be very interested in them.
So why the headline "Seventy women?"
I recently learned that there are 70 women currently in the Texas prison system for murdering their children. I have tried to verify this figure through research on the Internet, but have been unsuccessful in my attempts to do so as yet. There are a lot of people in Texas, and the prison population in Texas is one of the largest in the United States.
But seeing this figure — 70 women currently incarcerated in the Texas prison system for murdering their children — startled me. It surprised and saddened me that a mother would kill her child. But then, not all women are at peace, lovely and wholesome in their life attitudes and actions.
Women harbor anger, defensiveness, resentment — and I have heard some say that all the bad things women think, say or do are a result of what their father or some man in their life did to them. I have heard too many men and women talk badly and make gross generalizations about people of the opposite sex. I have heard men referring to women as "bitches" and women referring to men as "bastards."
I have seen men who think they can, and should, take out their anger on women in ways that emotionally, physically and sexually demean and abuse them. And in some cases, kill them. And I have met women who think they can be angry at men, without understanding the issues a man faces, in trying to fulfill whatever (albeit sometimes warped) ideas he may have about what it means to be a man. Women sometimes judge without having any idea what kind of pressures are placed on him in a male-dominated world.
Perhaps we all could benefit from slowing down and seeing one another as human beings, and start from there, instead of being too quick to look at others in ways that may actually be making ourselves less mindful and skillful in our own life.
I guess my experiences with men and women just remind me that there are a lot of people who are suffering, not in the overt manner that we usually associate with suffering — illness, poverty, being exploited and victimized by others and war — but suffering because of some conflicted or disturbed feelings and thoughts within.
I have no idea at this time how many men are in the U.S. or Texas prison system who murdered their children. It could be as many as there are women, or less. Or more.
Any kind of abuse of another human being, in thought, in word or in action, is not needed, and many times not necessary in life. And in most cases it seems to be true that confused or troubled women have been abused in some manner, in the present or past, by a man in their family.
Often it seems to have been some form of sexual abuse. Personally, I have found that most of the women whom I have known have been abused sexually by some man in their life, usually when they were children. By they aren't all women either. My own life experience was marked by being sexually abused as a child by a man who, interestingly enough, was the person who took the most interest and was the kindest to me during my youth.
Perhaps it takes wisdom to see all of these people and their experiences as being part of the human condition, rather than looking at them as gender issues.
Maybe what is most important is that we all try to be more mindful and accountable about what we think, say and do. If we are angry and unfair because of anger to another, let us be able to explain or apologize for how we felt and what we may have said or done because of it.
If we have a tendency toward impatience and anger, let us have the maturity, insight, integrity and wisdom to acknowledge this, and make some kind of sincere effort to deal with it in a manner that weakens or surmounts the tendency.
And if we can do such a thing, let us be thankful that we were made mindful of what it was in us that was abusive to ourselves and others, and grateful that we had the ability and means to find a way to deal with it.
— — —
John C. Kimbrough has taught English, Yoga and Buddhism on a fulltime, parttime and volunteer basis in Asia for the last 20 years. He did his teacher training for these subjects in Singapore, England and India and currently lives and teaches in Bangkok, Thailand. He also does volunteer work in Banteay Meanchey province in Cambodia, teaching Yoga to prisoners in the local provincial prison and to individuals disabled by land mines. His writings on Yoga, Buddhism and better health and living are widely available on the Internet. His email address is {email johnckimbrough@yahoo.com}johnckimbrough@yahoo.com{/email}.
© copyright 2006 by John C. Kimbrough