Tuesday, January 2, 2007 at 1:01am
Forgiveness is a trinity
Column: Writing Down Your Soul
In her "Spiritual Geography" series, Janet Conner walks beside the brokenhearted, teaching them how to locate their position on the map of spiritual healing and move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Everyone begins in the Country of Betrayal and travels through the countries of Pain, War, Illusion, Surrender, and Choice, accomplishing the spiritual task and receiving the spiritual gift of each country. The journey culminates in the Country of Peace with the miracle of forgiveness and the receipt of a healed, whole, and holy heart. Today, we continue our exploration of the seventh country, the destination, the Country of Peace.
It's been a long, rich journey through Spiritual Geography. Can you even remember who you were when you were catapulted onto the map months ago? Try to visualize being back inside that scared skin. I'll bet you can't. You've learned too much. You've grown too much. You've walked a long, hard road, but here you are, spiritually wiser and richer than you ever could have imagined.
Spiritually rich? Isn't that an oxymoron? No, it's perfect. You are rich. Your pockets are filled with six spiritual gifts worth much more than gold. You can see. Your heart is open. Your actions are wise — or at least wiser than they were! You monitor your thoughts because you know that thoughts have astonishing creative power. You've learned to trust that Spirit supports and guides you. And you rather like the life you are creating for yourself. All in all, a pretty good haul for your work, wouldn't you say?
Now, one more gift, the biggest gift of all, awaits you. It's the culmination of the other six: your whole, healed, and holy heart. You began this journey because your heart was broken, so, it makes perfect sense that your final gift is that heart returned to you whole and bright. Like a broken bone that heals stronger than its pre-break condition, your Country of Peace heart is bigger, fuller, stronger than it was when it first cracked and shattered.
Every country has a spiritual task, a purpose, the reason you're there. In Peace, it is to forgive. Just as the gift — your healed, whole, and holy heart — is the biggest gift in Spiritual Geography, your spiritual task is the biggest and, for many, the hardest: To forgive.
Well, what does that mean — "to forgive"? We throw the word "forgive" around all the time, but do we understand it? Ask someone what it means to forgive and you'll hear a myriad of answers, but they'll all be about "the other," as in "let go of what the other guy did to you." And that is a piece, but just one piece. Total and complete forgiveness is threefold.
Begin at the beginning with the first fold — with yourself. Your first forgiveness task is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for getting into that relationship. Forgive yourself for staying in it, for being blind to what was happening, for looking the other way, for trying so hard to make it work. Whatever it is that must be forgiven, let it be forgiven. How do you do that? Talk to God about it. Open your heart, your mind, and your soul and tell God you are ready to forgive yourself. "Dear God, I want to forgive myself for ... ." Make a nice, long, truthful list and give it to God. Don't worry about what happens next; God knows what to do with your list. For that matter, God knows what to do with your heart, your mind, and your soul. Just rest in the knowing that you are completely and totally loved and all is forgiven.
The second fold — forgive your ex-partner. This is the part everyone expects; the part most people think constitutes forgiveness in the first place. How do you do it? The same way. Pick up a pen and write, "Dear God, I am ready to completely, totally, and finally forgive my ex." This may be a long dialogue. You undoubtedly have much to say about what you want to forgive. That's your part. Make a list. When your list is ready, ask God to help you with the "how." If you ask for guidance and your soul is ready and willing to hear the answer, you will hear it, or rather, see it, on the page. Divine guidance will show you the way. Your job is simply to follow.
And now, you must be wondering, what's left? Surely, self-forgiveness and forgiving the other are enough. No, they're not. They're good, very good, but they're not enough. There is one last essential fold — asking the other to forgive you.
"Yikes!" you may cry. "How can I do that! We can't even be in the same room." Or, "If I open that can of worms, the whole dreadful dance will just start all over again." Well, like all the rest of the deep spiritual healing that happened in your travels through Spiritual Geography, you do it in the presence of God. Begin to write with the intention of asking your ex-partner's higher, angelic, spiritual self to forgive you for what you did or failed to do. Usually when you write, you write directly to God. This time, address your other's higher self. "Dear ________, I come to you today in the presence of Spirit, to ask you to forgive me. Forgive me for ... ."
You may well be surprised by the intensity of what follows. Throughout this journey you've spent a lot of time looking at what the other did to you. And that had its perfect place in your spiritual healing. But now, it's time to open your heart to the ways you hurt your partner. The lies you told, the half truths, the dishonesty about your feelings, the subtle putdowns, the emotional neglect, the nasty looks, the lack of faith, the parsimony. Whatever it is, deep inside you know what you need to be forgiven for. So ask.
Three folds. Three parts. Three pieces. Forgiveness is a trinity. Touch all three bases and you will be home, home in the heart of God, where all is forgiven, where all is love, where all is Peace. Welcome home, to your true self, your whole self, your healed and holy heart. It's been quite a journey and the journey is good.
Next week: OK, so your heart is healed and whole. But are you ready for a new relationship? How will you know when you're ready?
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E., is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Spiritual Geography has been hailed by professionals in the mental health, legal, and ministerial fields as the first system to not only map the total healing process but also provide practical spiritual tools that anyone can use to move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Visit Spiritual Geography for books, interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}.© copyright 2007 by Janet Conner
It's been a long, rich journey through Spiritual Geography. Can you even remember who you were when you were catapulted onto the map months ago? Try to visualize being back inside that scared skin. I'll bet you can't. You've learned too much. You've grown too much. You've walked a long, hard road, but here you are, spiritually wiser and richer than you ever could have imagined.
Spiritually rich? Isn't that an oxymoron? No, it's perfect. You are rich. Your pockets are filled with six spiritual gifts worth much more than gold. You can see. Your heart is open. Your actions are wise — or at least wiser than they were! You monitor your thoughts because you know that thoughts have astonishing creative power. You've learned to trust that Spirit supports and guides you. And you rather like the life you are creating for yourself. All in all, a pretty good haul for your work, wouldn't you say?
Now, one more gift, the biggest gift of all, awaits you. It's the culmination of the other six: your whole, healed, and holy heart. You began this journey because your heart was broken, so, it makes perfect sense that your final gift is that heart returned to you whole and bright. Like a broken bone that heals stronger than its pre-break condition, your Country of Peace heart is bigger, fuller, stronger than it was when it first cracked and shattered.
Every country has a spiritual task, a purpose, the reason you're there. In Peace, it is to forgive. Just as the gift — your healed, whole, and holy heart — is the biggest gift in Spiritual Geography, your spiritual task is the biggest and, for many, the hardest: To forgive.
Well, what does that mean — "to forgive"? We throw the word "forgive" around all the time, but do we understand it? Ask someone what it means to forgive and you'll hear a myriad of answers, but they'll all be about "the other," as in "let go of what the other guy did to you." And that is a piece, but just one piece. Total and complete forgiveness is threefold.
Begin at the beginning with the first fold — with yourself. Your first forgiveness task is to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for getting into that relationship. Forgive yourself for staying in it, for being blind to what was happening, for looking the other way, for trying so hard to make it work. Whatever it is that must be forgiven, let it be forgiven. How do you do that? Talk to God about it. Open your heart, your mind, and your soul and tell God you are ready to forgive yourself. "Dear God, I want to forgive myself for ... ." Make a nice, long, truthful list and give it to God. Don't worry about what happens next; God knows what to do with your list. For that matter, God knows what to do with your heart, your mind, and your soul. Just rest in the knowing that you are completely and totally loved and all is forgiven.
The second fold — forgive your ex-partner. This is the part everyone expects; the part most people think constitutes forgiveness in the first place. How do you do it? The same way. Pick up a pen and write, "Dear God, I am ready to completely, totally, and finally forgive my ex." This may be a long dialogue. You undoubtedly have much to say about what you want to forgive. That's your part. Make a list. When your list is ready, ask God to help you with the "how." If you ask for guidance and your soul is ready and willing to hear the answer, you will hear it, or rather, see it, on the page. Divine guidance will show you the way. Your job is simply to follow.
And now, you must be wondering, what's left? Surely, self-forgiveness and forgiving the other are enough. No, they're not. They're good, very good, but they're not enough. There is one last essential fold — asking the other to forgive you.
"Yikes!" you may cry. "How can I do that! We can't even be in the same room." Or, "If I open that can of worms, the whole dreadful dance will just start all over again." Well, like all the rest of the deep spiritual healing that happened in your travels through Spiritual Geography, you do it in the presence of God. Begin to write with the intention of asking your ex-partner's higher, angelic, spiritual self to forgive you for what you did or failed to do. Usually when you write, you write directly to God. This time, address your other's higher self. "Dear ________, I come to you today in the presence of Spirit, to ask you to forgive me. Forgive me for ... ."
You may well be surprised by the intensity of what follows. Throughout this journey you've spent a lot of time looking at what the other did to you. And that had its perfect place in your spiritual healing. But now, it's time to open your heart to the ways you hurt your partner. The lies you told, the half truths, the dishonesty about your feelings, the subtle putdowns, the emotional neglect, the nasty looks, the lack of faith, the parsimony. Whatever it is, deep inside you know what you need to be forgiven for. So ask.
Three folds. Three parts. Three pieces. Forgiveness is a trinity. Touch all three bases and you will be home, home in the heart of God, where all is forgiven, where all is love, where all is Peace. Welcome home, to your true self, your whole self, your healed and holy heart. It's been quite a journey and the journey is good.
Next week: OK, so your heart is healed and whole. But are you ready for a new relationship? How will you know when you're ready?
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E., is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Spiritual Geography has been hailed by professionals in the mental health, legal, and ministerial fields as the first system to not only map the total healing process but also provide practical spiritual tools that anyone can use to move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Visit Spiritual Geography for books, interactive maps, locators, and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}.© copyright 2007 by Janet Conner