Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 2:02am
Arrive at Peace, then start over again
Column: Writing Down Your Soul
In her "Spiritual Geography" series, Janet Conner walks beside the brokenhearted, teaching them how to locate their position on the map of spiritual healing and move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Everyone begins in the Country of Betrayal and travels through the countries of Pain, War, Illusion, Surrender and Choice, accomplishing the spiritual task and receiving the spiritual gift of each country. The journey culminates in the Country of Peace with the miracle of forgiveness and the receipt of a healed, whole and holy heart. Today we conclude our exploration of the Country of Peace and of the entire map of Spiritual Geography.
When your heart is shattering into minute shards, it doesn't seem possible that the pain will ever end. It doesn't seem possible that you'll ever find all the pieces and put them back together. And it certainly doesn't seem possible that you'll ever reach a state of peace. In the early stages of confusion and sorrow, if a friend had told you the day would come when not only your heart would be healed but also you'd be grateful for the whole experience, you'd think your friend had lost his mind. That is, if you didn't slug him — or her — first!
But here you are. For the past 21 weeks, you and I have walked through the seven countries of spiritual healing, one country at a time. We've looked around at each country's unique topography and felt seven different weather patterns on our skin. We've contemplated each country's spiritual-healing purpose and explored two important experiences in each. We haven't covered every inch of the map — there are as many as 17 experiences in each country — but we have shared a taste of the rich spiritual growth each country has to offer.
Prior to reading these columns, you probably thought, as I did, that healing a broken heart followed the five traditional steps of Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance. But now you have a different and much fuller picture of how the broken heart moves slowly but inexorably through seven distinct stages, starting in the initial throes of Betrayal, and moving through the dramas in Pain, the battles in War, and the mental awakenings in Illusion. Now you understand how, with the receipt of each essential spiritual gift, travelers accumulate the strength and tools they need to do the deep internal work of letting go in Surrender, and the exhilarating work of building a new — and newly conscious — life in Choice.
You've had a sample of the heart-healing journey, and now, as we end our long conversation, I trust that you have greater empathy and understanding for your friends and family who have walked these long, hard, lonely roads. And for yourself. For surely you've been here before — maybe more than once. Everyone has been here. If you've loved and lost, you're in the map of Spiritual Geography. It turns out you've been reading about yourself all along.
And so, it seems, the journey should now come to an end in the beautiful Country of Peace. After all the hard work, painful revelations and uncomfortable discoveries, after all the nights struggling to change your thoughts, and all the mornings pouring your heart out on paper in long, heartrending conversations with God, it seems only right and just that you should get to go home with your gold star — or something. Well, you do get to go home with something — something exquisite: your healed, whole and holy heart. Not a bad return on the investment of your time and your soul. Not a bad return, indeed.
But here's the rub: You don't get to stay. I know you want to. It's lovely here in the Country of Peace. The weather is perfect. The light is a soft, ephemeral pink. Everyone looks glorious in this light. And you feel good. You feel proud of what you've accomplished and who you've become. In fact, you feel good about everything. Good about forgiving yourself. Good about forgiving your ex. Good about your past, and definitely good about your future. You even feel good about your prospects to love again. So, why can't you stay?
Well, look at the map. It does appear that the journey moves gradually east, from the sunset in the west of your old relationship to the sunrise in the east of your new relationship — or rather relationships. That's plural. Because as a result of your spiritual explorations, you now have, not one, but three precious new relationships.
The first is with yourself. After what you've learned about yourself in your travels through Spiritual Geography, you know now that you must live in sync with your truest self. And, of course, the second is with God. One of the great gifts of a broken heart is that the pain propels you to forge a relationship with God. And now that you chat every day, now that the phone line, so to speak, is open, you don't want to — can't bear to — close off that intimate connection to God. And the third relationship? Maybe, at long last, it is your true love or, at least, your next love.
So, why can't you stay? Because you're human. You're here on this plane, in this body, with a beating heart, needing and forging relationships at every turn. When we use the words "relationship" or "love," we have a tendency to think only about a primary love relationship, but there are so many other meaningful and important relationships that form who we are. There are friends, family, people at work, people in stores, people online ... People. They're everywhere!
And that's why you can't stay here. It isn't part of the human adventure to reach a place of nirvana and be done. The Buddha got there, I grant. And perhaps a few other wise ones. But you and me? No, we are here to embrace the human experience in all its forms — even, or maybe especially, the heartbreaks. Because, as you've discovered by sharing this walk with me, deep spiritual healing comes through the dramas and traumas of our hearts' failed attempts to connect.
Look out over the coast of Peace and you'll see an angel, floating gently over the coral sea, smiling beatifically and carrying a sign that says, "Begin Again." And so you will. You will connect again. You will live again. You will love again.
Be not afraid. Life will still happen. Betrayal will still happen. But when a betrayal comes, you will recognize it for what it really is: a call to go deeper, a call to explore, a call to awaken your soul more fully, and a call to have a long, rich, healing conversation with the One who loves you now and forever.
—————————-
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E., is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Spiritual Geography has been hailed by professionals in the mental health, legal and ministerial fields as the first system to not only map the total healing process but also provide practical spiritual tools that anyone can use to move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Visit Spiritual Geography for books, interactive maps, locators and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}.© copyright 2007 by Janet Conner
When your heart is shattering into minute shards, it doesn't seem possible that the pain will ever end. It doesn't seem possible that you'll ever find all the pieces and put them back together. And it certainly doesn't seem possible that you'll ever reach a state of peace. In the early stages of confusion and sorrow, if a friend had told you the day would come when not only your heart would be healed but also you'd be grateful for the whole experience, you'd think your friend had lost his mind. That is, if you didn't slug him — or her — first!
But here you are. For the past 21 weeks, you and I have walked through the seven countries of spiritual healing, one country at a time. We've looked around at each country's unique topography and felt seven different weather patterns on our skin. We've contemplated each country's spiritual-healing purpose and explored two important experiences in each. We haven't covered every inch of the map — there are as many as 17 experiences in each country — but we have shared a taste of the rich spiritual growth each country has to offer.
Prior to reading these columns, you probably thought, as I did, that healing a broken heart followed the five traditional steps of Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Acceptance. But now you have a different and much fuller picture of how the broken heart moves slowly but inexorably through seven distinct stages, starting in the initial throes of Betrayal, and moving through the dramas in Pain, the battles in War, and the mental awakenings in Illusion. Now you understand how, with the receipt of each essential spiritual gift, travelers accumulate the strength and tools they need to do the deep internal work of letting go in Surrender, and the exhilarating work of building a new — and newly conscious — life in Choice.
You've had a sample of the heart-healing journey, and now, as we end our long conversation, I trust that you have greater empathy and understanding for your friends and family who have walked these long, hard, lonely roads. And for yourself. For surely you've been here before — maybe more than once. Everyone has been here. If you've loved and lost, you're in the map of Spiritual Geography. It turns out you've been reading about yourself all along.
And so, it seems, the journey should now come to an end in the beautiful Country of Peace. After all the hard work, painful revelations and uncomfortable discoveries, after all the nights struggling to change your thoughts, and all the mornings pouring your heart out on paper in long, heartrending conversations with God, it seems only right and just that you should get to go home with your gold star — or something. Well, you do get to go home with something — something exquisite: your healed, whole and holy heart. Not a bad return on the investment of your time and your soul. Not a bad return, indeed.
But here's the rub: You don't get to stay. I know you want to. It's lovely here in the Country of Peace. The weather is perfect. The light is a soft, ephemeral pink. Everyone looks glorious in this light. And you feel good. You feel proud of what you've accomplished and who you've become. In fact, you feel good about everything. Good about forgiving yourself. Good about forgiving your ex. Good about your past, and definitely good about your future. You even feel good about your prospects to love again. So, why can't you stay?
Well, look at the map. It does appear that the journey moves gradually east, from the sunset in the west of your old relationship to the sunrise in the east of your new relationship — or rather relationships. That's plural. Because as a result of your spiritual explorations, you now have, not one, but three precious new relationships.
The first is with yourself. After what you've learned about yourself in your travels through Spiritual Geography, you know now that you must live in sync with your truest self. And, of course, the second is with God. One of the great gifts of a broken heart is that the pain propels you to forge a relationship with God. And now that you chat every day, now that the phone line, so to speak, is open, you don't want to — can't bear to — close off that intimate connection to God. And the third relationship? Maybe, at long last, it is your true love or, at least, your next love.
So, why can't you stay? Because you're human. You're here on this plane, in this body, with a beating heart, needing and forging relationships at every turn. When we use the words "relationship" or "love," we have a tendency to think only about a primary love relationship, but there are so many other meaningful and important relationships that form who we are. There are friends, family, people at work, people in stores, people online ... People. They're everywhere!
And that's why you can't stay here. It isn't part of the human adventure to reach a place of nirvana and be done. The Buddha got there, I grant. And perhaps a few other wise ones. But you and me? No, we are here to embrace the human experience in all its forms — even, or maybe especially, the heartbreaks. Because, as you've discovered by sharing this walk with me, deep spiritual healing comes through the dramas and traumas of our hearts' failed attempts to connect.
Look out over the coast of Peace and you'll see an angel, floating gently over the coral sea, smiling beatifically and carrying a sign that says, "Begin Again." And so you will. You will connect again. You will live again. You will love again.
Be not afraid. Life will still happen. Betrayal will still happen. But when a betrayal comes, you will recognize it for what it really is: a call to go deeper, a call to explore, a call to awaken your soul more fully, and a call to have a long, rich, healing conversation with the One who loves you now and forever.
—————————-
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E., is the cartographer of the map of Spiritual Geography and author of the Spiritual Geography series. Spiritual Geography has been hailed by professionals in the mental health, legal and ministerial fields as the first system to not only map the total healing process but also provide practical spiritual tools that anyone can use to move from where they are to where they want to be — Peace. Visit Spiritual Geography for books, interactive maps, locators and other Spiritual Geography materials. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}.© copyright 2007 by Janet Conner