Deep in my heart lies the flow of forgiveness

Washing away the impurities of negativity

Seeing every being surrounded in light rather than malice

Empathizing for the circumstances that drive each soul

Deep in my heart lies the flow of forgiveness

Freeing me from judgments

For now what I judge in you

I am aware that I need to heal within myself

The relationship between a child and a parent is one that is filled with joy, sadness, delight, disappointment, but most of all love. As your children grow and begin to pull away from you, there may be times of conflict. Times when you say or do something out of anger, times when your children make mistakes. Each of us is human, and feelings can be hurt, emotions can escalate, and relationships can become strained. The most powerful way to soothe this pain is through forgiveness. Learning to forgive and to ask for forgiveness is one of the most healing acts in relationships. This exercise will help you to begin the process of forgiveness.

If you are ready, take a deep breath. As you release the breath, release all anger, fear, stress and judgment you may be experiencing. Do this one more time. Take another deep breath, becoming more and more relaxed. As you let go of the breath, continue to let go of any worries.

In your mind, visualize a beautiful doorway. This doorway will take you inside your heart. Place both hands upon your heart, and take another deep breath. Leave your hands here, and now imagine you are getting very tiny, small enough to begin walking into your heart. What do you see there? Is there darkness or light? Is there fear or love? Is there pain or forgiveness? For most of us, there are all of these emotions and so many more. In your imagination, find a quiet place to sit within your heart and invite your child to sit with you. As you sit together, look deeply in their eyes, see them as the pure and loving being that is their true essence. See them with good in their heart. Now in your mind, share with them how you are feeling. Share how much you love, honor and respect them. Share how their behavior has made you feel.

Now in your mind, embrace your child and ask for forgiveness and grant forgiveness to them. How does it feel to share this forgiveness with your child? Take a moment to enjoy each other, and give thanks for the opportunity to learn from them. Watch as their image gently fades away

Now take a moment and ask for guidance on what can you learn from this conflict. What is this conflict showing you about yourself? See yourself in your human-ness, see yourself learning from your mistakes, accept yourself, love yourself and forgive yourself. Take a moment to embrace and comfort yourself, and give thanks for the new awareness you have found. When you are ready, begin to walk back out of your heart and return to full size.

Now that you have forgiven in your mind and your heart, sit with your child. Calmly discuss the incident and your feelings about it. Together come up with solutions, set the boundaries you need, and forgive each other. Do this activity with every person toward whom you hold anger — your partner, friends, co-workers or parents. Forgiveness is the most powerful tool for creating peaceful, loving and meaningful relationships.

May the love in your heart continue to help you and your children learn from each other.

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Debbie Milam is the co-creator of "Empowering Our Children: Creating Connected Families, Classrooms, and Communities " . She is an occupational therapist and life coach whose work has been featured in over 300 media outlets including The Miami Herald, Elle, Ladies Home Journal, PBS and The Hallmark Channel. Visit her website for more books and resources to help you be a highly effective parent. Visit her online at www.bestyoucanbe.org and sign up for her newsletter to receive your special report, "Creating Peace Within Yourself and Your Family." © Copyright 2008 Debbie Milam.