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Posted: March 13th, 2007 at 2:34am By: Janet Conner
We've all had the experience of walking away from prayer feeling comforted and heard, and we've all the experience of walking away feeling more cold and alone than before we began. So, are there prayers that work and prayers that don't? Are there good prayers and not-so-good prayers? Effective words and ineffective words? Prayers that reach God's ears and prayers that fall to the ground unheard?
These are scary questions. Even if you've never phrased it quite so provocatively, the dark little secret is that everyone wants to know. Behind closed doors or cloaked by the anonymity of email, people ask me, "What should I talk about when I talk with God?" It sounds like such a simple question, but it's a deeply profound one, and it deserves all the thought and attention we can give it.
Basically, there are two forms of prayer. First, there are the prayers of tradition, honed over hundreds or thousands of years by throngs of voices repeating the words of the ancestors. I grew up in a Roman Catholic home immersed in traditional prayers. The entire family repeated exactly the same grace before each and every meal. At noon, Mom stopped and read The Angelus. Sunday Mass, of course, was an hour-long traditional prayer — in Latin at the time — complete with standing, sitting and kneeling in unison. When my parents needed help, my mother ordered us to get on our knees and say the Rosary. Following her lead, we recited a Hail Mary, Our Father or Glory Be at each bead.
Those are just a few traditional Catholic prayers, but every religion has them. Prayers said in the morning, prayers said at night, prayers before meals, prayers before bed, prayers for the dying, prayers for the dead, prayers for religious holidays — prayers for almost every occasion imaginable. Does traditional prayer work? Of course it does. There's a reason these prayers have centuries of staying power. They create a sense of standing with generations of believers, honoring the words and ways of the past, and knowing God "hears" these prayers.
But prayers of tradition aren't the only form of prayer. There's personal prayer, too. Personal prayer is completely different. It doesn't have set words, or even set ideas. It doesn't have a prescribed setting or time of day. It doesn't require that you sit or kneel or stand. This prayer simply escapes your heart and aims straight for the heart of God seeking answers, direction, guidance and grace. This kind of prayer is on the rise. More and more people seek a private and personal connection with the divine. And people are discovering that this intimate connection is always available, always waiting, always ready. We have only to speak.
Which leads us right back to the opening question: What do we talk about when we talk with God? With traditional prayer, we don't have to wonder what to say. We know exactly what to say and even when to say it. But personal prayer presents a challenge. God, after all, is all there is, all that ever was, all that ever will be. Seems a bit presumptuous to step before the Creator, open your mouth and just start a conversation about any old thing.
And that's where we screw up. Because the conversation is with "God" and our concept of God can be overwhelming — if not downright scary — we think we have to follow some sort of prayer etiquette and say only the "right" things. So we struggle with what's acceptable. Whether we're conscious of it or not, we weigh the prayer-suitability of our experiences, thoughts, feelings and problems and shunt aside anything that seems too petty, too angry, too ugly or too ungrateful.
Talk to God about how you fantasize about killing your ex? No way! That's a sin! Tell God how miffed you were when the bagger put cans on top of the strawberries? Oh for Pete's sake, that's way too picayune. Admit that you're scared to death about that numbness in your arm? If you don't talk about it, maybe it will just go away. How about how helpless you feel with your teenager? How useless at work? How exhausted by your elderly mother's demands? How worried about money? No, can't talk about any of those things; surely God doesn't want to hear you complain.
In other words, we cut out all the juice, all the pain, all the "real" stuff of our lives, leaving God with a bunch of colorless topics. And then, we wonder why we don't feel connected, don't feel heard, don't feel guided and certainly don't feel that blessed rush of grace.
So, what do we talk about when we talk with God? Everything. Anything. Start with what's on your mind, what's piercing your heart, what's keeping you awake at night, what's sending racquet balls of worry 'round your brain.
Some people report that just writing "Dear God" (or your favorite salutation to the divine) on a journal page is sufficient to open the floodgates. Betty, an artist, who had never before engaged in journaling or written personal prayer, reported that from the very first entry, the results were "amazing" and it was "so easy."
Gary, however, struggled. He didn't think he could write about what he was really feeling, because what he was really feeling was so ugly. On the few occasions that he tried to journal, nothing came out and the whole process just left him more isolated and frustrated. But one afternoon, without thinking, he grabbed a piece of paper and scratched out something he was angry about. In huge black letters, he screamed about his problem and swore at God. With clenched muscles, Gary ripped the page from his journal and burned it in his grill. Once he started, he couldn't stop. Page after page, he demanded that God hear all the horrors he was facing, everything he couldn't control, everything that was falling apart, everything that was WRONG. Page after page, Gary ripped out the sheets and destroyed them in the fire. Two hours later, Gary said he felt exhausted but lighter, cleaner, almost "holier." "I don't know if you can call that prayer," he said, "but with each page going up in smoke, I felt like God was taking another problem out of my life."
Now THAT'S personal prayer.
So, what do we talk about when we talk with God? We talk about our lives, our experiences, our fears, our families, our joys, our sorrows. We tell God our stories and ask for guidance and grace. There are no traditions, no rules, no good words or bad words, no proper or improper ceremony, no right or wrong time. There are only two things: Spirit, who is always present, and you — all of you.
Next week: What science knows about talking with God.
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E. (Spiritual Explorer), is the author of the Spiritual Geography series and is currently writing a book on the power of writing to activate the voice of God. The Spiritual Geography books are available through Amazon or Spiritual Geography. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}.© copyright 2007 by Janet Conner
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We've all had the experience of walking away from prayer feeling comforted and heard, and we've all the experience of walking away feeling more cold and alone than before we began. So, are there prayers that work and prayers that don't? Are there good prayers and not-so-good prayers? Effective words and ineffective words? Prayers that reach God's ears and prayers that fall to the ground unheard?
These are scary questions. Even if you've never phrased it quite so provocatively, the dark little secret is that everyone wants to know. Behind closed doors or cloaked by the anonymity of email, people ask me, "What should I talk about when I talk with God?" It sounds like such a simple question, but it's a deeply profound one, and it deserves all the thought and attention we can give it.
Basically, there are two forms of prayer. First, there are the prayers of tradition, honed over hundreds or thousands of years by throngs of voices repeating the words of the ancestors. I grew up in a Roman Catholic home immersed in traditional prayers. The entire family repeated exactly the same grace before each and every meal. At noon, Mom stopped and read The Angelus. Sunday Mass, of course, was an hour-long traditional prayer — in Latin at the time — complete with standing, sitting and kneeling in unison. When my parents needed help, my mother ordered us to get on our knees and say the Rosary. Following her lead, we recited a Hail Mary, Our Father or Glory Be at each bead.
Those are just a few traditional Catholic prayers, but every religion has them. Prayers said in the morning, prayers said at night, prayers before meals, prayers before bed, prayers for the dying, prayers for the dead, prayers for religious holidays — prayers for almost every occasion imaginable. Does traditional prayer work? Of course it does. There's a reason these prayers have centuries of staying power. They create a sense of standing with generations of believers, honoring the words and ways of the past, and knowing God "hears" these prayers.
But prayers of tradition aren't the only form of prayer. There's personal prayer, too. Personal prayer is completely different. It doesn't have set words, or even set ideas. It doesn't have a prescribed setting or time of day. It doesn't require that you sit or kneel or stand. This prayer simply escapes your heart and aims straight for the heart of God seeking answers, direction, guidance and grace. This kind of prayer is on the rise. More and more people seek a private and personal connection with the divine. And people are discovering that this intimate connection is always available, always waiting, always ready. We have only to speak.
Which leads us right back to the opening question: What do we talk about when we talk with God? With traditional prayer, we don't have to wonder what to say. We know exactly what to say and even when to say it. But personal prayer presents a challenge. God, after all, is all there is, all that ever was, all that ever will be. Seems a bit presumptuous to step before the Creator, open your mouth and just start a conversation about any old thing.
And that's where we screw up. Because the conversation is with "God" and our concept of God can be overwhelming — if not downright scary — we think we have to follow some sort of prayer etiquette and say only the "right" things. So we struggle with what's acceptable. Whether we're conscious of it or not, we weigh the prayer-suitability of our experiences, thoughts, feelings and problems and shunt aside anything that seems too petty, too angry, too ugly or too ungrateful.
Talk to God about how you fantasize about killing your ex? No way! That's a sin! Tell God how miffed you were when the bagger put cans on top of the strawberries? Oh for Pete's sake, that's way too picayune. Admit that you're scared to death about that numbness in your arm? If you don't talk about it, maybe it will just go away. How about how helpless you feel with your teenager? How useless at work? How exhausted by your elderly mother's demands? How worried about money? No, can't talk about any of those things; surely God doesn't want to hear you complain.
In other words, we cut out all the juice, all the pain, all the "real" stuff of our lives, leaving God with a bunch of colorless topics. And then, we wonder why we don't feel connected, don't feel heard, don't feel guided and certainly don't feel that blessed rush of grace.
So, what do we talk about when we talk with God? Everything. Anything. Start with what's on your mind, what's piercing your heart, what's keeping you awake at night, what's sending racquet balls of worry 'round your brain.
Some people report that just writing "Dear God" (or your favorite salutation to the divine) on a journal page is sufficient to open the floodgates. Betty, an artist, who had never before engaged in journaling or written personal prayer, reported that from the very first entry, the results were "amazing" and it was "so easy."
Gary, however, struggled. He didn't think he could write about what he was really feeling, because what he was really feeling was so ugly. On the few occasions that he tried to journal, nothing came out and the whole process just left him more isolated and frustrated. But one afternoon, without thinking, he grabbed a piece of paper and scratched out something he was angry about. In huge black letters, he screamed about his problem and swore at God. With clenched muscles, Gary ripped the page from his journal and burned it in his grill. Once he started, he couldn't stop. Page after page, he demanded that God hear all the horrors he was facing, everything he couldn't control, everything that was falling apart, everything that was WRONG. Page after page, Gary ripped out the sheets and destroyed them in the fire. Two hours later, Gary said he felt exhausted but lighter, cleaner, almost "holier." "I don't know if you can call that prayer," he said, "but with each page going up in smoke, I felt like God was taking another problem out of my life."
Now THAT'S personal prayer.
So, what do we talk about when we talk with God? We talk about our lives, our experiences, our fears, our families, our joys, our sorrows. We tell God our stories and ask for guidance and grace. There are no traditions, no rules, no good words or bad words, no proper or improper ceremony, no right or wrong time. There are only two things: Spirit, who is always present, and you — all of you.
Next week: What science knows about talking with God.
— — —
Janet Conner, S.E. (Spiritual Explorer), is the author of the Spiritual Geography series and is currently writing a book on the power of writing to activate the voice of God. The Spiritual Geography books are available through Amazon or Spiritual Geography. Reach Janet at {email janetconner@tampabay.rr.com}janetconner@tampabay.rr.com{/email}.© copyright 2007 by Janet Conner
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