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Posted: April 6th, 2007 at 1:46am By: Anita Revel
If it weren't for Christians and Hallmark, us Aussies would be celebrating Easter in September. We'd also be celebrating Xmas in June, Halloween in May and springtime orgies in October. (Don't believe me? You can see the Southern Hemisphere calendar here. Don't expect any orgy pics, though — this is a family-friendly site.)
Timing is not the only upside-down thing about popular Christian holidays. My Boy Wonder and I recently had a fabulous discussion about the "stars" of each festival and their ambiguous sexuality.
Take Santa Claus, for example. When you think about it, he's a somewhat suspicious male, for many reasons:
1. He wears crushed red velvet.
2. His laugh is unnatural.
3. He's at home in a shopping center.
4. He's into last-minute gifts.
5. A real man wouldn't be happy with just a glass of milk and a carrot stick — he would be raiding the fridge looking for more.
6. He has an all-female staff. (No man knows how to pack bags or boots or sleighs.)
7. He drives a 12-"horsepower" vehicle at high speed, mindless of the speed limit. (The reindeer are female, too, by the way — only a woman can be relied on to get the job done in spite of a cross-dressing, eleventh-hour and shopaholic boss.)
Boy Wonder, to his credit, managed to come up with reasons why Santa is definitely a male:
1. If he's lost in the clouds, he won't stop and ask for directions.
2. He makes things more commando-style than they have to be, like entering a house through the chimney instead of the door.
3. He doesn't stop people from shooting reindeer in reindeer season.
We also came to the conclusion that the Tooth Fairy is also a boy. And for more than a couple of reasons:
1. He collects ivory and stores it in his shed, waiting for the one day when he will eventually organize it.
2. He comes in the middle of the night and is gone by morning with no thanks or a contact number.
3. All he's left behind is a lousy 50 cents.
As for the Easter Bunny, well, considering he turns up any time between mid-March and April without calling first, we both agreed he's definitely a boy.
Out of all the festival mascots, the Easter Bunny is the one, enduring "star" that stays with us day in, day out. But he does so under an alter-ego — he lives in the skies as the Lepus (hare) constellation at the feet of Orion.
Lepus' story can be traced back to Easter's namesake — the Anglo-Saxon goddess of the dawn, Eostre. According to legend, Eostre became angry with her consort — a rabbit with an extraordinarily high libido — and cast him into the heavens. What a hot, cross bunny he must have been!
All was not lost for Lepus, however. Eostre gave him the gift of laying eggs once a year, which, combined with the symbolism of new life (Christ's resurrection), is why we have a modern-day myth of the "Easter Bunny" delivering Easter eggs to children.
Which leaves me with one question: When the Easter eggs hatch, what kind of animal is born? OK, two questions. Which came first? The rabbit or the egg? Have your say in my blog.
— — —
Anita Ryan-Revel is the creatrix of Goddess.com.au, a resource-rich site aimed at helping you connect with your beautiful, sassy, intuitive, lovable, sacred and authentic self. © Copyright 2007 by Anita Ryan-Revel.
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If it weren't for Christians and Hallmark, us Aussies would be celebrating Easter in September. We'd also be celebrating Xmas in June, Halloween in May and springtime orgies in October. (Don't believe me? You can see the Southern Hemisphere calendar here. Don't expect any orgy pics, though — this is a family-friendly site.)
Timing is not the only upside-down thing about popular Christian holidays. My Boy Wonder and I recently had a fabulous discussion about the "stars" of each festival and their ambiguous sexuality.
Take Santa Claus, for example. When you think about it, he's a somewhat suspicious male, for many reasons:
1. He wears crushed red velvet.
2. His laugh is unnatural.
3. He's at home in a shopping center.
4. He's into last-minute gifts.
5. A real man wouldn't be happy with just a glass of milk and a carrot stick — he would be raiding the fridge looking for more.
6. He has an all-female staff. (No man knows how to pack bags or boots or sleighs.)
7. He drives a 12-"horsepower" vehicle at high speed, mindless of the speed limit. (The reindeer are female, too, by the way — only a woman can be relied on to get the job done in spite of a cross-dressing, eleventh-hour and shopaholic boss.)
Boy Wonder, to his credit, managed to come up with reasons why Santa is definitely a male:
1. If he's lost in the clouds, he won't stop and ask for directions.
2. He makes things more commando-style than they have to be, like entering a house through the chimney instead of the door.
3. He doesn't stop people from shooting reindeer in reindeer season.
We also came to the conclusion that the Tooth Fairy is also a boy. And for more than a couple of reasons:
1. He collects ivory and stores it in his shed, waiting for the one day when he will eventually organize it.
2. He comes in the middle of the night and is gone by morning with no thanks or a contact number.
3. All he's left behind is a lousy 50 cents.
As for the Easter Bunny, well, considering he turns up any time between mid-March and April without calling first, we both agreed he's definitely a boy.
Out of all the festival mascots, the Easter Bunny is the one, enduring "star" that stays with us day in, day out. But he does so under an alter-ego — he lives in the skies as the Lepus (hare) constellation at the feet of Orion.
Lepus' story can be traced back to Easter's namesake — the Anglo-Saxon goddess of the dawn, Eostre. According to legend, Eostre became angry with her consort — a rabbit with an extraordinarily high libido — and cast him into the heavens. What a hot, cross bunny he must have been!
All was not lost for Lepus, however. Eostre gave him the gift of laying eggs once a year, which, combined with the symbolism of new life (Christ's resurrection), is why we have a modern-day myth of the "Easter Bunny" delivering Easter eggs to children.
Which leaves me with one question: When the Easter eggs hatch, what kind of animal is born? OK, two questions. Which came first? The rabbit or the egg? Have your say in my blog.
— — —
Anita Ryan-Revel is the creatrix of Goddess.com.au, a resource-rich site aimed at helping you connect with your beautiful, sassy, intuitive, lovable, sacred and authentic self. © Copyright 2007 by Anita Ryan-Revel.
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