Thursday, June 7, 2007 at 2:02am
How to get free eldercare
Column: Spiritual Psychology
In last week's column we learned about cruise care — older people calling home a cruise ship with its many amenities and dignities, even indulgences — that can cost less (in some cases far less) than a nursing home and other forms of eldercare. Cruise care makes a point about the high cost of eldercare and the lack of choices for many seniors. But for seniors with disabilities and health problems that require constant monitoring and intensive assistance, cruising is not the answer to their quest for a dignified old age.
At the same time, many seniors who don't have choices can wind up in settings that rob them of dignity and independence.
Even for families with some resources, eldercare decisions can be painful, forcing wrenching choices that bring to the fore a swirling mix of love, guilt and reason. Then there are situations in which "the kids," the adult children providing care for an elderly parent or relative, are in their 60s and 70s, with their own health problems and limitations. According the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 30 percent of family caregivers for seniors are themselves aged 65 or over. Younger adult children in their 40s and 50s may want to help, but often have little time to pitch in because of delicate balancing acts of managing teenage children, work and career pressures, and marital and relationship demands. Add to that the fact that many adult children and relatives eager to help can't because they live in a city or location distant from their loved ones.
The toll on caregivers can be great, as reflected in a recent report by the Evercare Study of Caregivers in Decline. Caregiving worsens their own health, impacting "energy and sleep (87 percent), stress and/or panic attacks (70 percent), aches or pain (60 percent), depression (52 percent), headaches (41 percent), and weight gain or loss (38 percent)."
Ominous for the future, the pool of available family caregivers is shrinking due to the lower birthrate of the post-baby boomer generation. In 1990 there were 11 potential family caregivers for each person needing care. By 2050 that number will fall to four.
Your comfort and guilt level may call for keeping your parent or loved one in his or her familiar setting at home. You may then be shocked to discover that Medicare and other insurance coverage is limited and may not provide the total care you desire — and private out-of-pocket financing can break the bank. Then, many elders don't have extended families that can provide assistance.
A case in point is 75-year-old Annie, a widow with no children, who developed debilitating osteoporosis, leaving her wheelchair-bound. Her only close relative was a niece who loved her but worked at a pressure-cooker job leaving only some weekends for her to help out. Annie, though, needed more intensive assistance to manage many of the routine activities of daily living in the apartment where she had resided for most of her adult life. Sadly, although totally mentally intact, Annie, a former college professor, was placed in a nursing home on a floor with seriously deteriorated patients. Not surprising that the otherwise upbeat Annie became deeply depressed.
I've often thought about Annie and wondered how her life would have played out if she had an inventive relative like Charlie whose solution for providing care for his elderly mother will cheer you up.
My wife stumbled into this story when she was browsing in an antique store in Manhattan. Charlie's antique establishment was a potpourri shop that had a variety of merchandise ranging from large antique furniture pieces to costume jewelry — a little of this and a little of that. She noted the prices were unusually low — not typical for Manhattan. Since she's also in the antique business but not competitive with Charlie — she specializes in wedding gowns made of fine antique lace — she gave the owner a bit of friendly advice: "Your prices are too low."
Much to her surprise, Charlie then confessed that he was not primarily in the antique business and that the shop was actually a front with no intention of making a profit. No, he was not connected to the mafia, and he was not doing money laundering or drug deals. His antique shop was a front for providing care for his elderly mother.
"I set it up to care for my frail mother. I didn't want her to be alone in her apartment all day. I live nearby and can look in at night."
Charlie had a day job in another field but had always been an avid antique collector. Setting up the store was a perfect solution. He dropped his mother off at the store every day. The manager he hired to run the business, unbeknownst to her, was his mother's caregiver, providing companionship and a stimulating environment; she also made sure that the elderly woman took her medications. His mother, a gregarious woman who now tired easily and had reduced mobility from arthritis, could sell, if she chose to, or just chat with customers, read or watch television. For Charlie, breaking even was making a profit — a big profit — and everyone was a winner.
Setting up a business may not be a workable answer in all caregiving situations, but it's something to think about. Nevertheless, it's encouraging to see an example of imagination and creativity accomplishing the "impossible."
Yes, "necessity is the mother of invention" — but mother can also benefit.
Please pass along any unusual solutions for caregiving that you know about.
— — —
Bernard Starr, Ph.D., formerly professor of developmental and educational psychology at the City University of New York, now teaches psychology and leads the Spiritual Forum at Marymount Manhattan College. In addition to his work in radio, he is a longtime contributor of commentary and opinion articles to numerous major publications. He is also the main United Nations representative for the Institute of Global Education that founded the Mucherla Global School in Mucherla, India. His book "Escape Your Own Prison: Why We Need Spirituality and Psychology to be Truly Free" will be published by Rowman and Littlefield in October 2007. His email address is {email OmniCns@aol.com}OmniCns@aol.com{/email}. © copyright 2007 by Bernard Starr.
At the same time, many seniors who don't have choices can wind up in settings that rob them of dignity and independence.
Even for families with some resources, eldercare decisions can be painful, forcing wrenching choices that bring to the fore a swirling mix of love, guilt and reason. Then there are situations in which "the kids," the adult children providing care for an elderly parent or relative, are in their 60s and 70s, with their own health problems and limitations. According the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 30 percent of family caregivers for seniors are themselves aged 65 or over. Younger adult children in their 40s and 50s may want to help, but often have little time to pitch in because of delicate balancing acts of managing teenage children, work and career pressures, and marital and relationship demands. Add to that the fact that many adult children and relatives eager to help can't because they live in a city or location distant from their loved ones.
The toll on caregivers can be great, as reflected in a recent report by the Evercare Study of Caregivers in Decline. Caregiving worsens their own health, impacting "energy and sleep (87 percent), stress and/or panic attacks (70 percent), aches or pain (60 percent), depression (52 percent), headaches (41 percent), and weight gain or loss (38 percent)."
Ominous for the future, the pool of available family caregivers is shrinking due to the lower birthrate of the post-baby boomer generation. In 1990 there were 11 potential family caregivers for each person needing care. By 2050 that number will fall to four.
Your comfort and guilt level may call for keeping your parent or loved one in his or her familiar setting at home. You may then be shocked to discover that Medicare and other insurance coverage is limited and may not provide the total care you desire — and private out-of-pocket financing can break the bank. Then, many elders don't have extended families that can provide assistance.
A case in point is 75-year-old Annie, a widow with no children, who developed debilitating osteoporosis, leaving her wheelchair-bound. Her only close relative was a niece who loved her but worked at a pressure-cooker job leaving only some weekends for her to help out. Annie, though, needed more intensive assistance to manage many of the routine activities of daily living in the apartment where she had resided for most of her adult life. Sadly, although totally mentally intact, Annie, a former college professor, was placed in a nursing home on a floor with seriously deteriorated patients. Not surprising that the otherwise upbeat Annie became deeply depressed.
I've often thought about Annie and wondered how her life would have played out if she had an inventive relative like Charlie whose solution for providing care for his elderly mother will cheer you up.
My wife stumbled into this story when she was browsing in an antique store in Manhattan. Charlie's antique establishment was a potpourri shop that had a variety of merchandise ranging from large antique furniture pieces to costume jewelry — a little of this and a little of that. She noted the prices were unusually low — not typical for Manhattan. Since she's also in the antique business but not competitive with Charlie — she specializes in wedding gowns made of fine antique lace — she gave the owner a bit of friendly advice: "Your prices are too low."
Much to her surprise, Charlie then confessed that he was not primarily in the antique business and that the shop was actually a front with no intention of making a profit. No, he was not connected to the mafia, and he was not doing money laundering or drug deals. His antique shop was a front for providing care for his elderly mother.
"I set it up to care for my frail mother. I didn't want her to be alone in her apartment all day. I live nearby and can look in at night."
Charlie had a day job in another field but had always been an avid antique collector. Setting up the store was a perfect solution. He dropped his mother off at the store every day. The manager he hired to run the business, unbeknownst to her, was his mother's caregiver, providing companionship and a stimulating environment; she also made sure that the elderly woman took her medications. His mother, a gregarious woman who now tired easily and had reduced mobility from arthritis, could sell, if she chose to, or just chat with customers, read or watch television. For Charlie, breaking even was making a profit — a big profit — and everyone was a winner.
Setting up a business may not be a workable answer in all caregiving situations, but it's something to think about. Nevertheless, it's encouraging to see an example of imagination and creativity accomplishing the "impossible."
Yes, "necessity is the mother of invention" — but mother can also benefit.
Please pass along any unusual solutions for caregiving that you know about.
— — —
Bernard Starr, Ph.D., formerly professor of developmental and educational psychology at the City University of New York, now teaches psychology and leads the Spiritual Forum at Marymount Manhattan College. In addition to his work in radio, he is a longtime contributor of commentary and opinion articles to numerous major publications. He is also the main United Nations representative for the Institute of Global Education that founded the Mucherla Global School in Mucherla, India. His book "Escape Your Own Prison: Why We Need Spirituality and Psychology to be Truly Free" will be published by Rowman and Littlefield in October 2007. His email address is {email OmniCns@aol.com}OmniCns@aol.com{/email}. © copyright 2007 by Bernard Starr.