Monday, July 16, 2007 at 2:02am
Ecstatic sex - just a prayer away
Column: Love, God and Sex
This week I read a blog in which the writer said that she's resigned herself to having sex without love. She wrote that, although she wants to find love and thinks that love is great, she doesn't want a lack of love to keep her from having sex.
Her writing reminded me of a theme I've written about before: Sex without love is limited and limiting. Sex without love is what I call ordinary sex. Ordinary sex can take place in long-term relationships. It happens when spouses forget that they love each other. It happens when sex is used as a tension release or as a duty. In ordinary sex, each partner is really someplace else — either thinking about the office or the kids or what to do about tomorrow night's dinner. The only contact that's made is through the genitals. One or both of them can climax, but the climax is like sneezing or scratching an itch. It's roll over and let's go to sleep sex, or "is that all there is" sex. It can also be faking an orgasm sex, where the woman oohs and ahs and screams just to get the man to finish. It's objectified sex not that far removed from masturbation.
According to the mystic and teacher Osho, 90 percent of the world's population have this kind of sex.
Sex is like a ladder. The higher one climbs the ladder, the closer one comes to experiencing union with God. Genital sex, described above, is the lowest level of the ladder. Osho explains that there are three main energy centers in the body. Although Eastern traditions go into depth about the seven energy centers, called chakras, located along the spine, Osho says that the three main centers are the sexual center, located near the base of the spine; the heart-center, located in the middle of the chest; and the center of enlightenment, located about 6 inches above the crown of the head. Ecstatic sex happens when energy flows unimpeded from crown to sexual center. Bodies disappear and all that remains is wave after wave of bliss. The self disappears. The infusion of energy into the body leaves both partners enlivened, blissful and joyous.
The erotic sex center lies between the heart center and the sexual center. The focus of erotic sex is sensual experience. Erotic literature is filled with phrases like "throbbing power tool" and "velvet love chamber." Erotica talks about rippling muscles and slippery kisses. It's filled with satin sheets, champagne and Victoria's Secret. Erotica is titillating, because there's always an element of danger, newness or discovery — venturing into the unknown. Unfortunately, as I know from my own experience, the promise of erotic sex can degrade into ordinary sex, when the reality does not match the expectation.
Erotic sex can be electric and exciting and much more satisfying, but it still doesn't carry the partners to the rapture of bliss that they can enjoy when engaged in ecstatic sex. Ecstatic sex is prayer. How do you know you're having ecstatic sex? Do you shout "Oh God" at the height of orgasm? Does your orgasm last and last for what seems like an eternity? Do you lose all sense of self? Does your body sputter and dance like the filament in an electric light bulb? When you close your eyes, do you see a blue/white light? Does it feel as though your energy is expanding past your bodily limits? Do you feel like you're riding a wave in the ocean, but more than that, that you are the ocean? In this kind of sex, everything disappears. It's interesting that the French call orgasm "le petit mort," or little death. The terms sounds like the life force has been drained. Yet in ecstatic sex, the life force is fully and completely alive.
The bridge from ordinary sex and erotic sex to ecstatic sex is the heart center. The heart center is the center of love, and, to me, love means intention. Love is the intention to please and give pleasure. Love is prayer. Sex with love is never ordinary. And love elevates erotic sex to electric sex. Love is an offering of the sexual experience to God, the universe or the One. Osho says that to have this kind of experience, say a prayer before lovemaking; or say a prayer after lovemaking. The best, he says, is to pray while you're making love. If you pray while making love, you are truly an instrument of God's peace.
I can't fathom having sex without love — the kind of love that comes from having grown through life's joys and traumas with a committed partner. There's a quote on the net attributed to Woody Allen: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good." Sorry, Woody, sex without love is just not worth having.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
Her writing reminded me of a theme I've written about before: Sex without love is limited and limiting. Sex without love is what I call ordinary sex. Ordinary sex can take place in long-term relationships. It happens when spouses forget that they love each other. It happens when sex is used as a tension release or as a duty. In ordinary sex, each partner is really someplace else — either thinking about the office or the kids or what to do about tomorrow night's dinner. The only contact that's made is through the genitals. One or both of them can climax, but the climax is like sneezing or scratching an itch. It's roll over and let's go to sleep sex, or "is that all there is" sex. It can also be faking an orgasm sex, where the woman oohs and ahs and screams just to get the man to finish. It's objectified sex not that far removed from masturbation.
According to the mystic and teacher Osho, 90 percent of the world's population have this kind of sex.
Sex is like a ladder. The higher one climbs the ladder, the closer one comes to experiencing union with God. Genital sex, described above, is the lowest level of the ladder. Osho explains that there are three main energy centers in the body. Although Eastern traditions go into depth about the seven energy centers, called chakras, located along the spine, Osho says that the three main centers are the sexual center, located near the base of the spine; the heart-center, located in the middle of the chest; and the center of enlightenment, located about 6 inches above the crown of the head. Ecstatic sex happens when energy flows unimpeded from crown to sexual center. Bodies disappear and all that remains is wave after wave of bliss. The self disappears. The infusion of energy into the body leaves both partners enlivened, blissful and joyous.
The erotic sex center lies between the heart center and the sexual center. The focus of erotic sex is sensual experience. Erotic literature is filled with phrases like "throbbing power tool" and "velvet love chamber." Erotica talks about rippling muscles and slippery kisses. It's filled with satin sheets, champagne and Victoria's Secret. Erotica is titillating, because there's always an element of danger, newness or discovery — venturing into the unknown. Unfortunately, as I know from my own experience, the promise of erotic sex can degrade into ordinary sex, when the reality does not match the expectation.
Erotic sex can be electric and exciting and much more satisfying, but it still doesn't carry the partners to the rapture of bliss that they can enjoy when engaged in ecstatic sex. Ecstatic sex is prayer. How do you know you're having ecstatic sex? Do you shout "Oh God" at the height of orgasm? Does your orgasm last and last for what seems like an eternity? Do you lose all sense of self? Does your body sputter and dance like the filament in an electric light bulb? When you close your eyes, do you see a blue/white light? Does it feel as though your energy is expanding past your bodily limits? Do you feel like you're riding a wave in the ocean, but more than that, that you are the ocean? In this kind of sex, everything disappears. It's interesting that the French call orgasm "le petit mort," or little death. The terms sounds like the life force has been drained. Yet in ecstatic sex, the life force is fully and completely alive.
The bridge from ordinary sex and erotic sex to ecstatic sex is the heart center. The heart center is the center of love, and, to me, love means intention. Love is the intention to please and give pleasure. Love is prayer. Sex with love is never ordinary. And love elevates erotic sex to electric sex. Love is an offering of the sexual experience to God, the universe or the One. Osho says that to have this kind of experience, say a prayer before lovemaking; or say a prayer after lovemaking. The best, he says, is to pray while you're making love. If you pray while making love, you are truly an instrument of God's peace.
I can't fathom having sex without love — the kind of love that comes from having grown through life's joys and traumas with a committed partner. There's a quote on the net attributed to Woody Allen: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good." Sorry, Woody, sex without love is just not worth having.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.