Friday, July 20, 2007 at 2:02am
Love doesn't mean giving yourself away
Column: Our Place in the Universe
We've become a nation of disposables. Fast food has fast wrappers. Coffee is "to go" with cup, lid and cardboard wrap. Paper or plastic? Do we recycle either? Even our water is in plastic bottles now.
How about our appliances? Are they built to last? You can often get a free cellphone after two years, although the battery may run out before then, encouraging consumption. The computer may last a bit longer, but then all the software will be dated, and the new software won't work on the old computer!
Cars too, may be advertised to be tough and durable, but when that five-year warranty runs out, the parts and pieces will need to be replaced. What other things do we throw away after a short time — our tape players for CD players for DVD players or MP3 players?
How about our relationships? Casual one-night-stands abound. Families last now about three to five years, and being sued or divorced or abandoned is becoming the norm. Our country, with its 200 years of history, as compared with the thousand-year histories in Asia, Africa and Europe, is even losing that tradition of family values.
The establishment of our Founding Fathers' belief in "one nation under God" is being challenged, as is our understanding of the strength behind the "melting pot" of cultures and traditions. The dynamism of our diversity is disputed, with the legislature building walls keeping others out rather than embracing those "yearning to be free."
Our expertise encourages isolation, as more and more we sit in front of the computer or TV, communicating with words typed not spoken. "IM-ing" and "texting" have replaced the casual phone call. And most have forgotten the time we used to chat over the fence with our neighbors.
With this lack of human exposure has come a lack of empathy and understanding. How easily we turn our general fear of terrorism into a specific fear of the corner-store proprietor. War is fought now behind the distance technology offers, reducing the opportunity for intimate human consideration. Casualties, especially civilian casualties, are, at best, numbers in the paper.
I just visited the Korean War Memorial and was gratified to see each face etched on the wall taken from real photos of real individuals who fought, served and died overseas. They believed in what they were doing and didn't just throw themselves away.
I'm worried that our relationships are going in that direction. Last week I was wondering about a friend of mine with whom I haven't been in touch with for 10 years. Is she a throwaway, a lost connection? Is the strength of my heart reaching out to her enough?
More disturbing are the daily trysts we have, falling in love, giving our hearts away in infatuation or lust, and having them broken in short order. Our teenagers seem to be applying the same logic to their lives and relationships that we have applied to our environment. More is better, reflecting the example of our GDP. And, if it breaks or doesn't work, no need to fix it, we can always get something bigger and better. Of course, this is all without an accompanying effort or responsibility.
When this is applied to the heart, how else do we deal with this but to turn off our emotions? When our hearts break, to survive, we abandon our self-esteem and give ourselves away to the next model or upgrade that comes along. We all know that upgrades are not necessarily better, and more often than not are higher-maintenance.
It seems the answer may lie in realizing what we really want and need. This necessitates seeing beyond the moment's short-term happiness. As with everything worthwhile, happiness involves keeping at it, being willing to do something over and over again until you get it right.
I have learned, working with clay, that old clay gets recycled. I experienced that turning each piece involves shaping, molding and folding it in on itself time and time again until that perfect form slowly evolves, being lovingly encouraged, and patiently persuaded to assume the nature that brings the most joy and beauty. Only then does the piece go through the fire.
In the end we discover that we truly are enough, every moment, every step of the process. Recycling gives us the opportunity to grow and change, while getting trashed only produces a higher or deeper landfill. Creating a heart of love shaped in the hands of the Beloved involves relationships that are similarly shaped to reflect desires and values able to last for an eternity.
— — —
Anne E. Ulvestad is a free-lance writer residing in Maryland. She has her masters in earth literacy, and is available for public lectures and group presentations and rituals on Spirituality and the Environment. Anne can be reached at {email anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com}anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com{/email}. © copyright 2007 by Anne E. Ulvestad.
How about our appliances? Are they built to last? You can often get a free cellphone after two years, although the battery may run out before then, encouraging consumption. The computer may last a bit longer, but then all the software will be dated, and the new software won't work on the old computer!
Cars too, may be advertised to be tough and durable, but when that five-year warranty runs out, the parts and pieces will need to be replaced. What other things do we throw away after a short time — our tape players for CD players for DVD players or MP3 players?
How about our relationships? Casual one-night-stands abound. Families last now about three to five years, and being sued or divorced or abandoned is becoming the norm. Our country, with its 200 years of history, as compared with the thousand-year histories in Asia, Africa and Europe, is even losing that tradition of family values.
The establishment of our Founding Fathers' belief in "one nation under God" is being challenged, as is our understanding of the strength behind the "melting pot" of cultures and traditions. The dynamism of our diversity is disputed, with the legislature building walls keeping others out rather than embracing those "yearning to be free."
Our expertise encourages isolation, as more and more we sit in front of the computer or TV, communicating with words typed not spoken. "IM-ing" and "texting" have replaced the casual phone call. And most have forgotten the time we used to chat over the fence with our neighbors.
With this lack of human exposure has come a lack of empathy and understanding. How easily we turn our general fear of terrorism into a specific fear of the corner-store proprietor. War is fought now behind the distance technology offers, reducing the opportunity for intimate human consideration. Casualties, especially civilian casualties, are, at best, numbers in the paper.
I just visited the Korean War Memorial and was gratified to see each face etched on the wall taken from real photos of real individuals who fought, served and died overseas. They believed in what they were doing and didn't just throw themselves away.
I'm worried that our relationships are going in that direction. Last week I was wondering about a friend of mine with whom I haven't been in touch with for 10 years. Is she a throwaway, a lost connection? Is the strength of my heart reaching out to her enough?
More disturbing are the daily trysts we have, falling in love, giving our hearts away in infatuation or lust, and having them broken in short order. Our teenagers seem to be applying the same logic to their lives and relationships that we have applied to our environment. More is better, reflecting the example of our GDP. And, if it breaks or doesn't work, no need to fix it, we can always get something bigger and better. Of course, this is all without an accompanying effort or responsibility.
When this is applied to the heart, how else do we deal with this but to turn off our emotions? When our hearts break, to survive, we abandon our self-esteem and give ourselves away to the next model or upgrade that comes along. We all know that upgrades are not necessarily better, and more often than not are higher-maintenance.
It seems the answer may lie in realizing what we really want and need. This necessitates seeing beyond the moment's short-term happiness. As with everything worthwhile, happiness involves keeping at it, being willing to do something over and over again until you get it right.
I have learned, working with clay, that old clay gets recycled. I experienced that turning each piece involves shaping, molding and folding it in on itself time and time again until that perfect form slowly evolves, being lovingly encouraged, and patiently persuaded to assume the nature that brings the most joy and beauty. Only then does the piece go through the fire.
In the end we discover that we truly are enough, every moment, every step of the process. Recycling gives us the opportunity to grow and change, while getting trashed only produces a higher or deeper landfill. Creating a heart of love shaped in the hands of the Beloved involves relationships that are similarly shaped to reflect desires and values able to last for an eternity.
— — —
Anne E. Ulvestad is a free-lance writer residing in Maryland. She has her masters in earth literacy, and is available for public lectures and group presentations and rituals on Spirituality and the Environment. Anne can be reached at {email anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com}anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com{/email}. © copyright 2007 by Anne E. Ulvestad.