Friday, July 27, 2007 at 1:01am
Flatterers and fools
Column: Interesting Times
She left church right after the last note of the last hymn, begging off on lunch, as if she had an appointment in Samarra. And, in a way, she did. It was at a marketplace bazaar in Santa Fe, checking out at the register, that she flirted a bit with the man who had just finished his purchases. He was waiting next to her car when she went out of the store.
A conversation was struck up. Lunch then. Then, they went off together and began a year and a half of togetherness. All of it at her expense, and what an expense it was. There were the trips, the ranch she bought so he would have something to do, the tractors, the two-person motorcycle, the clothes, the food, the this and the that. His temper was a problem, but she overlooked that. His napping most of the day was troublesome, but she tried to be understanding. His daily complaints about his health, about everyone and everybody, were all swept under the rug of thought. If it were not for her nephew's wedding, she might still be in full victim mode.
Weddings change things — not just for the bride and groom but for everyone and anyone everywhere.
"On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; and both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding" (NASB) (John 2:1-2).
It's the reference to the third day that is the tell to the story.
"God said, 'The waters under the heaven shall be gathered to one place, and dry land shall be seen.' It happened.
"God named the dry land 'Earth,' and the gatherings of water, He named 'Seas.' God saw that it was good.
"God said, 'The earth shall send forth vegetation. Seedbearing plants and fruit trees that produce their own kinds of fruits with seeds shall be on the earth.' It happened.
"The earth sent forth vegetation, plants bearing their own kinds of seeds, and trees producing fruits containing their own kinds of seeds. God saw that it was good.
"It was evening and it was morning, a third day." (Genesis 1:9-13).
On the third day there is dry land, a place to stand. There is the clarity of things bringing forth their own kind. Her own kind at the wedding did not, as did her partner, own 72 guns, rant and rave, complain or suffer about health. They not only did not ask her for material things but rather offered her their love and faithfulness and appreciation. It was eye-opening, and when she returned to the ranch from three days at the wedding her eyes were opened, the scales fell off. He yelled and stormed out of the house screaming expletives about her love for God.
Terrified, she drove back down to her house in town and changed the locks on the doors. There was more to be done; packing up his things, calling a lawyer, sorting out what she herself would do next with property she no longer needed or wanted, a motorcycle never ridden. With a secure place to stand, there might be time to ponder what had led her down the path to this nightmare.
Could it have been something as seemingly harmless as flattery?
He was wonderful when he told her that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, while she was standing next to her BMW 7 series outside the marketplace, but while she was listing his failings, his offenses did she remember:
"Nothing short of our own errors should offend us. He who can willfully attempt to injure another is an object of pity rather than resentment; while it is a question in my mind if there is enough of a flatterer, a fool, or a liar to offend a whole-souled woman," said Mary Baker Eddy.
When next we are flattered, let us remember that the road to the wilderness can easily begin with a compliment. While nothing is more pleasant than honest recognition of our qualities and triumphs, few things are more hateful than being deceived by flattery, as my friend is discovering this week.
— — —
Lynne Bundesen is the author of five books on religion. Her book "The Feminine Spirit: Recapturing the Heart of Scripture" is the latest. Her email address is {email lynnebundesen@hotmail.com}lynnebundesen@hotmail.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Lynne Bundesen.
A conversation was struck up. Lunch then. Then, they went off together and began a year and a half of togetherness. All of it at her expense, and what an expense it was. There were the trips, the ranch she bought so he would have something to do, the tractors, the two-person motorcycle, the clothes, the food, the this and the that. His temper was a problem, but she overlooked that. His napping most of the day was troublesome, but she tried to be understanding. His daily complaints about his health, about everyone and everybody, were all swept under the rug of thought. If it were not for her nephew's wedding, she might still be in full victim mode.
Weddings change things — not just for the bride and groom but for everyone and anyone everywhere.
"On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; and both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding" (NASB) (John 2:1-2).
It's the reference to the third day that is the tell to the story.
"God said, 'The waters under the heaven shall be gathered to one place, and dry land shall be seen.' It happened.
"God named the dry land 'Earth,' and the gatherings of water, He named 'Seas.' God saw that it was good.
"God said, 'The earth shall send forth vegetation. Seedbearing plants and fruit trees that produce their own kinds of fruits with seeds shall be on the earth.' It happened.
"The earth sent forth vegetation, plants bearing their own kinds of seeds, and trees producing fruits containing their own kinds of seeds. God saw that it was good.
"It was evening and it was morning, a third day." (Genesis 1:9-13).
On the third day there is dry land, a place to stand. There is the clarity of things bringing forth their own kind. Her own kind at the wedding did not, as did her partner, own 72 guns, rant and rave, complain or suffer about health. They not only did not ask her for material things but rather offered her their love and faithfulness and appreciation. It was eye-opening, and when she returned to the ranch from three days at the wedding her eyes were opened, the scales fell off. He yelled and stormed out of the house screaming expletives about her love for God.
Terrified, she drove back down to her house in town and changed the locks on the doors. There was more to be done; packing up his things, calling a lawyer, sorting out what she herself would do next with property she no longer needed or wanted, a motorcycle never ridden. With a secure place to stand, there might be time to ponder what had led her down the path to this nightmare.
Could it have been something as seemingly harmless as flattery?
He was wonderful when he told her that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, while she was standing next to her BMW 7 series outside the marketplace, but while she was listing his failings, his offenses did she remember:
"Nothing short of our own errors should offend us. He who can willfully attempt to injure another is an object of pity rather than resentment; while it is a question in my mind if there is enough of a flatterer, a fool, or a liar to offend a whole-souled woman," said Mary Baker Eddy.
When next we are flattered, let us remember that the road to the wilderness can easily begin with a compliment. While nothing is more pleasant than honest recognition of our qualities and triumphs, few things are more hateful than being deceived by flattery, as my friend is discovering this week.
— — —
Lynne Bundesen is the author of five books on religion. Her book "The Feminine Spirit: Recapturing the Heart of Scripture" is the latest. Her email address is {email lynnebundesen@hotmail.com}lynnebundesen@hotmail.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Lynne Bundesen.