Friday, August 3, 2007 at 1:01am
How do you get old?
Column: Interesting Times
She is convinced that decline, decay, aches and pains, loss of sight and hearing are inevitable and that all of the above are her experience. If it's not one thing, it's another, and her days are spent at doctors, acupuncturists, hospitals. A devotee of Buddhism, she claims that her decline reminds her of the impermanence of all things. We, her friends, think perhaps she feels alone and appointments occupy her time.
Denise and I were talking about our friend and aging last night over tapas on a pleasant midsummer Santa Fe night. We agreed that we see it every day — those of a certain era with myriad health problems and near endless litanies of regrets. We also see every day those of advancing years who have not a single complaint, go to work every day until they are centenarians.
"Is there a class you can take to prepare for aging?" Denise, ever the inquiring mind, asked. "Perhaps you could teach one," she added. Not my cup of tea, as I rapidly lose patience with the widows in my neighborhood who call me when they have computer problems, but it did set me thinking. There are, we thought, no or few classes in grammar schools on how to manage money, and home economics has entered the geography of nostalgia. We think those things should be taught in schools, and so perhaps should aging be taught?
"Think of all the widowed or single women, women basically alone, who could use some support," Denise proffered. While our mutual friend Irina has her parents living with her — "as Russians all do," Irina claims — women who have no particular cultural background but Modern America may find themselves with no support, no companionship, no place from which to leave earth. It takes a dedicated daughter or son, a dedicated family, to take it as a matter of course that the aged will come live with them, not a retirement center or "old people's home." Of course, these are generalized statements, but they do reflect the fears of many in the last half of their human life.
The current AARP magazine has a story on Choosing a Nursing Home and one on Life After Death. Would these topics be part of a curriculum on getting old? In the AARP poll, only 14 percent of people surveyed don't believe in heaven and 30 percent don't believe in hell — though surely 100 percent of us have known both heaven and hell here on earth. And in the magazine's survey, 23 percent of people surveyed believe in reincarnation. The AARP magazine also features an article on how some women are coping with the idea of aging alone: The New Housemates tells of widowed, divorced, single women banding together in living arrangements as they think ahead to aging.
There are books on aging, online programs on Healthy Aging. The disclaimer here is that I manage that online forum and in doing so am in virtual contact with people who age beautifully and with great charm and wit.
"Shadowfox" is a living example in her note of this week: The Old Fox does have some "bad" stressors: health due to COPD/RAD and arthritis, but I like to count them as "good," since they remind me to slow down and take all the joy in life I can. Another "bad" one is dealing with bureaucratic agencies (as in Medicare part D!), but I count it "good" as it reminds me to hang on to my sense of humor. Another "bad" is phone work, press this that the other and hold for a l-o-o-o-o-n-g time. But I get a book or a puzzle and focus on that. Good stress is my gardening and yard work. Pushing the envelope, so to speak, on the breathing. Overall I try to deal with the not so good stressors with humor. Might as well laugh — takes too much energy to cry! Besides, soon enough all the problems will be stand-up comic bits.
As we finished our tapas, Denise told me it was her birthday this week and asked me what had been my favorite birthday party. "I have had only one party ever," I responded. "Well," she said, "maybe that is why you look so young. You don't celebrate birthdays."
It's one way to get old. Or not.
— — —
Lynne Bundesen is an author and the spiritual expert and community director for drweil.com. Copyright 2007 Lynne Bundesen.
Denise and I were talking about our friend and aging last night over tapas on a pleasant midsummer Santa Fe night. We agreed that we see it every day — those of a certain era with myriad health problems and near endless litanies of regrets. We also see every day those of advancing years who have not a single complaint, go to work every day until they are centenarians.
"Is there a class you can take to prepare for aging?" Denise, ever the inquiring mind, asked. "Perhaps you could teach one," she added. Not my cup of tea, as I rapidly lose patience with the widows in my neighborhood who call me when they have computer problems, but it did set me thinking. There are, we thought, no or few classes in grammar schools on how to manage money, and home economics has entered the geography of nostalgia. We think those things should be taught in schools, and so perhaps should aging be taught?
"Think of all the widowed or single women, women basically alone, who could use some support," Denise proffered. While our mutual friend Irina has her parents living with her — "as Russians all do," Irina claims — women who have no particular cultural background but Modern America may find themselves with no support, no companionship, no place from which to leave earth. It takes a dedicated daughter or son, a dedicated family, to take it as a matter of course that the aged will come live with them, not a retirement center or "old people's home." Of course, these are generalized statements, but they do reflect the fears of many in the last half of their human life.
The current AARP magazine has a story on Choosing a Nursing Home and one on Life After Death. Would these topics be part of a curriculum on getting old? In the AARP poll, only 14 percent of people surveyed don't believe in heaven and 30 percent don't believe in hell — though surely 100 percent of us have known both heaven and hell here on earth. And in the magazine's survey, 23 percent of people surveyed believe in reincarnation. The AARP magazine also features an article on how some women are coping with the idea of aging alone: The New Housemates tells of widowed, divorced, single women banding together in living arrangements as they think ahead to aging.
There are books on aging, online programs on Healthy Aging. The disclaimer here is that I manage that online forum and in doing so am in virtual contact with people who age beautifully and with great charm and wit.
"Shadowfox" is a living example in her note of this week: The Old Fox does have some "bad" stressors: health due to COPD/RAD and arthritis, but I like to count them as "good," since they remind me to slow down and take all the joy in life I can. Another "bad" one is dealing with bureaucratic agencies (as in Medicare part D!), but I count it "good" as it reminds me to hang on to my sense of humor. Another "bad" is phone work, press this that the other and hold for a l-o-o-o-o-n-g time. But I get a book or a puzzle and focus on that. Good stress is my gardening and yard work. Pushing the envelope, so to speak, on the breathing. Overall I try to deal with the not so good stressors with humor. Might as well laugh — takes too much energy to cry! Besides, soon enough all the problems will be stand-up comic bits.
As we finished our tapas, Denise told me it was her birthday this week and asked me what had been my favorite birthday party. "I have had only one party ever," I responded. "Well," she said, "maybe that is why you look so young. You don't celebrate birthdays."
It's one way to get old. Or not.
— — —
Lynne Bundesen is an author and the spiritual expert and community director for drweil.com. Copyright 2007 Lynne Bundesen.