Monday, August 6, 2007 at 2:02am
Why is sex like air?
Column: Love, God and Sex
This week, a joke list arrived in my inbox carrying the warning "Something offensive for everyone." While the jokes varied in offensiveness, the one I thought was actually funny was: "Why is air a lot like sex?" Answer: "It's no big deal unless you're not getting any."
The joke seemed to me to be an insightful commentary on the nature of love and sexuality in marriage. Starry-eyed romance lasts as long as the hormones that drive passion last. When the hormones subside, it's easier for sex to become a big deal because it becomes less easy to get aroused. Yet a recent well publicized study of why people have sex revealed that love and romance are only two of 237 reasons people give for having sex. While attraction, love and intimacy were on the list, as well as "feeling closer to God" and "having deeper communication," so were "I was bored," I wanted to burn calories," "I wanted to get back at my cheating spouse" and "I wanted a job." People had sex to reduce stress, have a new experience, elevate their social status, boost self-esteem; they also had sex because they were coerced into it, and to relieve boredom.
Psychological research, like the study described above, identify the rationales people use for having sex. Biological research using brain imaging techniques are discovering the underlying neuronal mechanisms involved in love and sex.
With all the research being conducted, I have yet to find any studies that talk about what sex is. In short, sex is energy. Sex is juice. Sex is vitality. Sex is the electricity that sparks life. Sexual energy is the same energy that courses through the universe. Sexual energy is the same energy that causes a blade of grass to push through a concrete sidewalk. It's the same energy that causes me to write or my husband to paint. Sex is life. Sex is breath. This energy is called kundalini, prana or chi. Mystics are able to see (or feel) this energy. The body is like a container holding this energy. According to metaphysical studies, the body has four levels. To understand sex more fully, it's useful to look at how sexual energy manifests at each of these levels.
At a biological level, sex is about reproduction. It's an autonomic response to stimuli. It's programmed into the DNA to make sure the species continues. At this level, sex is an impulse, like a sneeze. It's a mechanical response to a hormonally driven process. Sex increases the diversity of a species to make sure of its continuance.
At an emotional level, sex is supposed to be about love, but that's not always the case. As we know, sometimes sex is about anger, revenge, jealousy, need, power, domination, control, guilt and a stress reliever.
At the mental level, sex is about should I or shouldn't I. what will he think of me. Fantasy, setting it up, will we get married? Does he want to be my boyfriend? Will I get laid at the end of the night? Also at this level is prudence and learning from past mistakes.
At the spiritual level, sex is about union with God. It is about recognizing that your Beloved is the earthly presence of God. At the spiritual level, sex is about losing the self, surrender, awakening to the highest; being the Light. You and your spouse merge into the oneness that is the origin of creation.
My first marriage was focused on the first three levels of sex; excitement merged with emotions and rationalizations. We shared many sexual adventures. We were crazy and reckless. We didn't think of long-term consequences and the possibility of catching sexually transmitted diseases. And, yet, with all the hedonism in which we engaged, I always felt something was missing. And what was missing was God.
My prayer for married partners is that they use sex like a ladder reaching to God. Sex at the spiritual level is so fulfilling that like air, it will be no big deal.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
The joke seemed to me to be an insightful commentary on the nature of love and sexuality in marriage. Starry-eyed romance lasts as long as the hormones that drive passion last. When the hormones subside, it's easier for sex to become a big deal because it becomes less easy to get aroused. Yet a recent well publicized study of why people have sex revealed that love and romance are only two of 237 reasons people give for having sex. While attraction, love and intimacy were on the list, as well as "feeling closer to God" and "having deeper communication," so were "I was bored," I wanted to burn calories," "I wanted to get back at my cheating spouse" and "I wanted a job." People had sex to reduce stress, have a new experience, elevate their social status, boost self-esteem; they also had sex because they were coerced into it, and to relieve boredom.
Psychological research, like the study described above, identify the rationales people use for having sex. Biological research using brain imaging techniques are discovering the underlying neuronal mechanisms involved in love and sex.
With all the research being conducted, I have yet to find any studies that talk about what sex is. In short, sex is energy. Sex is juice. Sex is vitality. Sex is the electricity that sparks life. Sexual energy is the same energy that courses through the universe. Sexual energy is the same energy that causes a blade of grass to push through a concrete sidewalk. It's the same energy that causes me to write or my husband to paint. Sex is life. Sex is breath. This energy is called kundalini, prana or chi. Mystics are able to see (or feel) this energy. The body is like a container holding this energy. According to metaphysical studies, the body has four levels. To understand sex more fully, it's useful to look at how sexual energy manifests at each of these levels.
At a biological level, sex is about reproduction. It's an autonomic response to stimuli. It's programmed into the DNA to make sure the species continues. At this level, sex is an impulse, like a sneeze. It's a mechanical response to a hormonally driven process. Sex increases the diversity of a species to make sure of its continuance.
At an emotional level, sex is supposed to be about love, but that's not always the case. As we know, sometimes sex is about anger, revenge, jealousy, need, power, domination, control, guilt and a stress reliever.
At the mental level, sex is about should I or shouldn't I. what will he think of me. Fantasy, setting it up, will we get married? Does he want to be my boyfriend? Will I get laid at the end of the night? Also at this level is prudence and learning from past mistakes.
At the spiritual level, sex is about union with God. It is about recognizing that your Beloved is the earthly presence of God. At the spiritual level, sex is about losing the self, surrender, awakening to the highest; being the Light. You and your spouse merge into the oneness that is the origin of creation.
My first marriage was focused on the first three levels of sex; excitement merged with emotions and rationalizations. We shared many sexual adventures. We were crazy and reckless. We didn't think of long-term consequences and the possibility of catching sexually transmitted diseases. And, yet, with all the hedonism in which we engaged, I always felt something was missing. And what was missing was God.
My prayer for married partners is that they use sex like a ladder reaching to God. Sex at the spiritual level is so fulfilling that like air, it will be no big deal.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.