Thursday, August 16, 2007 at 1:01am
The genius of Merv Griffin
Column: Spiritual Psychology
This seems to be my time for memorials. I've been to a number of them this month. Last week I wrote about the passing of Dr. Albert Ellis, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century — a survey of 8oo psychologists a few years ago ranked him No. 2, ahead of Freud, Jung and a number of other household names. A few days after writing the article, I heard about the death of entertainer Merv Griffin. I had many encounters with Albert Ellis — I reminisced about some of them in my column. With Merv Griffin, I had only one encounter, but it was memorable.
In 1981 I was doing a book tour with my colleague Dr. Marcella Bakur Weiner. We had just published "The Starr-Weiner Report on Sex and Sexuality in the Mature Years." It was about sex after 60.
Alfred Kinsey's data on sexuality — that it pretty much stopped at age 60 — contributed to the myth of the sexless or neuter older adult. There was a tabletop book in the 1970s called "Sex and Seniors," which contained blank pages — a reflection of the popular stereotype. As relatively young psychologists specializing in gerontology, Marcella and I felt there was more there than met the eye and set out to research the subject. The result was our book, which became a popular talk-show item for obvious reasons — sex perks up the ears, as well as other parts.
Merv Griffin invited us for an appearance on his popular talk show, which had a similar format as "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson" — a desk and a few seats alongside. This particular show was scheduled for prime time on Saturday night to replace one of his shows that had been bumped for a football game during the week.
In those days - 1981 — the late night shows and other similar formats often included an author's spot — usually the last three- or four-minute segment. We thought that was our slot for some Q & A and banter about sex and aging. Much to our surprise, and delight, when we arrived at the large theater in Hollywood where Merv taped his shows, we learned that he was devoting the entire show to our book. And indeed, his monologue was entirely jokes and humor about sex in the later years. Then his first segment included a famous elderly British actor, apparently known for womanizing — and they riffed on the subject of sex. Afterward, Merv introduced me and Marcella, and we remained on stage for the next hour exploring the topics of our book.
For the last segment — the usual author's spot — he brought out none other than the 1978 Nobel Prize winner in literature, Isaac Bashevis Singer, who was touring with his just released book, "Lost in America." Singer was a bit baffled when Merv tried to draw him into the discussion that had been under way: "You have a lot of sex in your books, don't you?" he asked. "Why is he asking me about sex?" Singer must have been thinking as his puzzled expression indicated. Merv quickly caught on and brought Singer up to speed on what was going on. Singer had not been in "the green room" watching the show as Merv had assumed — he had been whisked in by his publicist just moments before his appearance. Merv, though, made it all work.
Being a Johnny Carson fan, I had only seen snippets of Merv's shows — I didn't know the man. Based on other media appearances, I expected Merv would be working off some notes that an assistant had provided and, like many talk-show hosts who have the gift of gab, he would do a slick interview that skimmed the surface and played strictly for laughs. I found that many hosts don't even pay much attention when you are speaking and answering questions — the audience can't see that when the camera is on you, not the host. But Merv was completely versed in our book. He was really tuned in to the subject. He posed penetrating questions and made insightful commentaries in an engaging fashion — and made it entertaining. More impressive, he always looked directly at us and really connected, as if he had logged on to our souls.
When the show ended, we all stood up and I began to chat with Merv as he moved forward to meet his audience — so I backed off. What I then noted struck me as quite unusual. He beamed with a radiant glow as he walked to the front of the stage. He made eye contact with many of his admirers, exuding great joy and love — and the audience returned it. The atmosphere was electrifying. It was as if the audience and Merv locked into each other as an organic entity — he seemed to have some magnetic quality that bonded him and his audience.
I thought that was remarkable, since he had done thousands of shows over the years. It would not have been surprising if he were blasé once off camera — another day, another taping. (I had seen a lot of that on other shows.) And he certainly wasn't building a career for money — it was well known that Merv was hugely wealthy from shows that he invented, like "Jeopardy" and "Wheel of Fortune" (later Forbes magazine would rank him one of the richest men in America).
I then realized that it was the continuing, genuine turn-on and fresh sense of excitement with each performance that makes the difference between the great ones and the wannabes. And it can't be a put-on — the audience would know and quickly turn off. I think of Merv and keep that in mind when I give talks, seminars and workshops.
That afternoon I learned something important about communication. It was a brief but rich encounter that will keep Merv alive in my memory.
— — —
Bernard Starr, Ph.D., formerly professor of developmental and educational psychology at the City University of New York, now teaches psychology and leads the Spiritual Forum at Marymount Manhattan College. In addition to his work in radio, he is a longtime contributor of commentary and opinion articles to numerous major publications. He is also the main United Nations representative for the Institute of Global Education that founded the Mucherla Global School in Mucherla, India. His book "Escape Your Own Prison: Why We Need Spirituality and Psychology to be Truly Free" will be published by Rowman and Littlefield in October 2007. His email address is {email OmniCns@aol.com}OmniCns@aol.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Bernard Starr.
In 1981 I was doing a book tour with my colleague Dr. Marcella Bakur Weiner. We had just published "The Starr-Weiner Report on Sex and Sexuality in the Mature Years." It was about sex after 60.
Alfred Kinsey's data on sexuality — that it pretty much stopped at age 60 — contributed to the myth of the sexless or neuter older adult. There was a tabletop book in the 1970s called "Sex and Seniors," which contained blank pages — a reflection of the popular stereotype. As relatively young psychologists specializing in gerontology, Marcella and I felt there was more there than met the eye and set out to research the subject. The result was our book, which became a popular talk-show item for obvious reasons — sex perks up the ears, as well as other parts.
Merv Griffin invited us for an appearance on his popular talk show, which had a similar format as "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson" — a desk and a few seats alongside. This particular show was scheduled for prime time on Saturday night to replace one of his shows that had been bumped for a football game during the week.
In those days - 1981 — the late night shows and other similar formats often included an author's spot — usually the last three- or four-minute segment. We thought that was our slot for some Q & A and banter about sex and aging. Much to our surprise, and delight, when we arrived at the large theater in Hollywood where Merv taped his shows, we learned that he was devoting the entire show to our book. And indeed, his monologue was entirely jokes and humor about sex in the later years. Then his first segment included a famous elderly British actor, apparently known for womanizing — and they riffed on the subject of sex. Afterward, Merv introduced me and Marcella, and we remained on stage for the next hour exploring the topics of our book.
For the last segment — the usual author's spot — he brought out none other than the 1978 Nobel Prize winner in literature, Isaac Bashevis Singer, who was touring with his just released book, "Lost in America." Singer was a bit baffled when Merv tried to draw him into the discussion that had been under way: "You have a lot of sex in your books, don't you?" he asked. "Why is he asking me about sex?" Singer must have been thinking as his puzzled expression indicated. Merv quickly caught on and brought Singer up to speed on what was going on. Singer had not been in "the green room" watching the show as Merv had assumed — he had been whisked in by his publicist just moments before his appearance. Merv, though, made it all work.
Being a Johnny Carson fan, I had only seen snippets of Merv's shows — I didn't know the man. Based on other media appearances, I expected Merv would be working off some notes that an assistant had provided and, like many talk-show hosts who have the gift of gab, he would do a slick interview that skimmed the surface and played strictly for laughs. I found that many hosts don't even pay much attention when you are speaking and answering questions — the audience can't see that when the camera is on you, not the host. But Merv was completely versed in our book. He was really tuned in to the subject. He posed penetrating questions and made insightful commentaries in an engaging fashion — and made it entertaining. More impressive, he always looked directly at us and really connected, as if he had logged on to our souls.
When the show ended, we all stood up and I began to chat with Merv as he moved forward to meet his audience — so I backed off. What I then noted struck me as quite unusual. He beamed with a radiant glow as he walked to the front of the stage. He made eye contact with many of his admirers, exuding great joy and love — and the audience returned it. The atmosphere was electrifying. It was as if the audience and Merv locked into each other as an organic entity — he seemed to have some magnetic quality that bonded him and his audience.
I thought that was remarkable, since he had done thousands of shows over the years. It would not have been surprising if he were blasé once off camera — another day, another taping. (I had seen a lot of that on other shows.) And he certainly wasn't building a career for money — it was well known that Merv was hugely wealthy from shows that he invented, like "Jeopardy" and "Wheel of Fortune" (later Forbes magazine would rank him one of the richest men in America).
I then realized that it was the continuing, genuine turn-on and fresh sense of excitement with each performance that makes the difference between the great ones and the wannabes. And it can't be a put-on — the audience would know and quickly turn off. I think of Merv and keep that in mind when I give talks, seminars and workshops.
That afternoon I learned something important about communication. It was a brief but rich encounter that will keep Merv alive in my memory.
— — —
Bernard Starr, Ph.D., formerly professor of developmental and educational psychology at the City University of New York, now teaches psychology and leads the Spiritual Forum at Marymount Manhattan College. In addition to his work in radio, he is a longtime contributor of commentary and opinion articles to numerous major publications. He is also the main United Nations representative for the Institute of Global Education that founded the Mucherla Global School in Mucherla, India. His book "Escape Your Own Prison: Why We Need Spirituality and Psychology to be Truly Free" will be published by Rowman and Littlefield in October 2007. His email address is {email OmniCns@aol.com}OmniCns@aol.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Bernard Starr.