Monday, September 17, 2007 at 2:02am
Self-acceptance leads to awesome sex
Column: Love, God and Sex
Of all the systems in the body, the one that most amazes me is the reproductive system, otherwise known as our sex organs. Not only are the inner and outer workings of our sex organs amazing, but it's also amazing that the part of the body that gives us the greatest pleasure, and is the progenitor of life itself, can also be the source of our greatest shame.
Even in academia, awe slips into the description of the human anatomy. In an almost poetic passage, Robert L. Crooks and Karla Baur, the authors of the text I'm using, "Our Sexuality" (10th edition, Thomson Publishing), discuss how secretions cling to the vaginal hair, prolonging the scent. The description bordered on the erotic and yet to me highlighted the magnificence of this creation. If our bodies are the temple of God, it seems that at the height of sexual pleasure, our bodies would emit a heady perfume that would serve to enhance excitement. All animals emit pheromones that announce sexual readiness. The fact that genital hair serves to hold the scent maximizes the potential for complete satisfaction. In other words, the body is designed for pleasure.
Yet both men and women express so much dissatisfaction with their bodies. Men worry that their penises aren't large enough. Women worry about the size and shape of their breasts. Through the miracle of modern surgery, women can get genitoplasty surgery to give them perfectly symmetrical "designer vaginas," as they've come to be called. Men can get phalloplasty surgery which makes their penises longer and wider.
My husband is a watercolor artist. He's been a figure painter for well over 50 years. Needless to say, in 50 years he's painted people of all sizes, shapes, ages, stages, races and genders. His paintings don't attempt to minimize the folds of fat of his heavy models, nor does he hide the drooping breasts of his thinner models. He doesn't augment the penises of his older male models. His paintings capture the dignity, life and love that radiate through the human form.
Dissatisfaction, shame and guilt do not jibe with being God's most holy creation. As the spiritual teacher Osho says, " ...if you think of God as the creator, and if God considers sex to be a sin, then there is no greater sinner than God in this world ... no greater sinner than God in this universe" (from "Sex Matters," St. Martin's Press, New York, 2002, © Copyright 2002, Osho International Foundation).
Sex is the energy of the universe, and sensual beauty is found everywhere. One need not be an artist to see the body as beautiful, regardless of its deviations from the idealistic notions of society or lack of symmetry. One need only realize that a loving God extends Itself continuously through all of creation and we are an expression of that creation. Our job, then, is to love ourselves as God loves us. Self-acceptance is holy.
Self-acceptance is also one of the keys to a fabulous sex life. Self-acceptance translates to a sense of ease and exuberance that allows you to experience the joy and wonder of the sexual experience. The joy and exuberance of your self-acceptance will communicate to your spouse. Every time you make love, you're celebrating a new moment of creation in that you're sharing a new moment of creating intimacy.
Take time in your lovemaking to explore your own body and your spouse's body. Use all your senses to be amazed at the wonder of God's creation. Bodies are awesome. They are the carriers and conveyers of life. Use yours wisely. Treat it lovingly. Let it be your friend. And it will reward you and your spouse with years and years of pleasure.
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Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
Even in academia, awe slips into the description of the human anatomy. In an almost poetic passage, Robert L. Crooks and Karla Baur, the authors of the text I'm using, "Our Sexuality" (10th edition, Thomson Publishing), discuss how secretions cling to the vaginal hair, prolonging the scent. The description bordered on the erotic and yet to me highlighted the magnificence of this creation. If our bodies are the temple of God, it seems that at the height of sexual pleasure, our bodies would emit a heady perfume that would serve to enhance excitement. All animals emit pheromones that announce sexual readiness. The fact that genital hair serves to hold the scent maximizes the potential for complete satisfaction. In other words, the body is designed for pleasure.
Yet both men and women express so much dissatisfaction with their bodies. Men worry that their penises aren't large enough. Women worry about the size and shape of their breasts. Through the miracle of modern surgery, women can get genitoplasty surgery to give them perfectly symmetrical "designer vaginas," as they've come to be called. Men can get phalloplasty surgery which makes their penises longer and wider.
My husband is a watercolor artist. He's been a figure painter for well over 50 years. Needless to say, in 50 years he's painted people of all sizes, shapes, ages, stages, races and genders. His paintings don't attempt to minimize the folds of fat of his heavy models, nor does he hide the drooping breasts of his thinner models. He doesn't augment the penises of his older male models. His paintings capture the dignity, life and love that radiate through the human form.
Dissatisfaction, shame and guilt do not jibe with being God's most holy creation. As the spiritual teacher Osho says, " ...if you think of God as the creator, and if God considers sex to be a sin, then there is no greater sinner than God in this world ... no greater sinner than God in this universe" (from "Sex Matters," St. Martin's Press, New York, 2002, © Copyright 2002, Osho International Foundation).
Sex is the energy of the universe, and sensual beauty is found everywhere. One need not be an artist to see the body as beautiful, regardless of its deviations from the idealistic notions of society or lack of symmetry. One need only realize that a loving God extends Itself continuously through all of creation and we are an expression of that creation. Our job, then, is to love ourselves as God loves us. Self-acceptance is holy.
Self-acceptance is also one of the keys to a fabulous sex life. Self-acceptance translates to a sense of ease and exuberance that allows you to experience the joy and wonder of the sexual experience. The joy and exuberance of your self-acceptance will communicate to your spouse. Every time you make love, you're celebrating a new moment of creation in that you're sharing a new moment of creating intimacy.
Take time in your lovemaking to explore your own body and your spouse's body. Use all your senses to be amazed at the wonder of God's creation. Bodies are awesome. They are the carriers and conveyers of life. Use yours wisely. Treat it lovingly. Let it be your friend. And it will reward you and your spouse with years and years of pleasure.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.