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Posted: September 24th, 2007 at 2:27am By: Sorah Dubitsky
Actress Susan Sarandon was on the Stephen Colbert show this week. Stephen asked her if she knew Sean Penn. "Not in the biblical sense," she quipped. Stephen smiled and the audience laughed.
Susan's joke reminded us that the word "know" is the biblical euphemism for intercourse. In yogic spiritual traditions, as in "A Course in Miracles," the word "know" is used to describe direct knowledge of the world of God. In the Jnana yoga tradition, the word "know" means knowing God or knowing oneself as God, or Tat Tvam Asi. "A Course in Miracles" distinguishes between knowledge and perception. Knowledge is of God. Knowledge is certain. Knowledge is the certainty of knowing that "I am as God created me."
Falling in love is easy. Romantic love is charged with the sexual tension of arousal. Arousal is a powerful force. It's activated unconsciously. It's driven by the genetic programming to procreate. Biology mixes with the mystery of the unknown. It's interesting to note that the excitement of romantic love is still being celebrated. This week The New York Times reported how couples are recording on film the moment they get engaged.
However, the same issue of The Times also ran a story about how fewer and fewer couples see 25 or even 15 years of marriage.
Marriage is the perfect spiritual path to attain Knowledge. Your spouse offers you endless opportunities to "know" her or his spiritual reality. And in knowing his or her spiritual reality, you grow in awareness of your own.
Writer Sondra Ray years ago coined the term "love brings up anything unlike itself." And in marriage, everything comes up. From socks on the floor to jealousy, marriage illuminates all the doubts, fears, frailties and foibles of being human mirrored in your spouse.
Do you have the willingness to know your partner's soul and in turn know your own? In truth, there's no difference. On the Sabbath, Jews celebrate the union of the transcendent masculine presence of God with the in-dwelling Shekinah, or feminine presence of God. The song they sing is "L'chah Dodi" and the chorus goes, "I am my Beloved and my Beloved is me." The song describes the level of union that everyone is really looking for. The best pictorial depiction of this I've seen is in Alex Grey's painting "Tantra." The form of a copulating couple's physical body is barely discernible in the circular energy maze in which the couple is entwined. The couple has melded into each other and has become one.
To meld, you have to open the blinds of your own heart. You have to go deeper into yourself and question the origin of every thought or feeling that is upsetting. Every altercation in marriage is an opportunity to rise above it. The reason I'm still married after 25 years is that I use a form of a three-step process that I call the 3 Rs derived from "A Course in Miracles."
Step one: Recognition, which means recognizing that you're not at peace. I can't tell you how many couples think that conflict is natural. It's not. Peace is the natural state, but to be at peace means that you have to stop being defensive.
Step two: Responsibility. Responsibility means the cause of your lack of peace is in you. Somewhere inside, something is not being expressed, or somewhere inside, you did not want to take responsibility for your own happiness.
Step three: Release. Release is the willingness to give whatever is bothering you to God. By being willing to access the love that you are, it's as though a call goes out that invites a joining or healing with your spouse. Sometimes you may feel guided to speak your peace. Sometimes you may be guided to keep quiet. For years my husband's guidance in confrontational situations with me was "Shut up, Dubitsky." You may be guided to apologize; you may be guided to do nothing.
The form of the healing doesn't matter. What matters is the content. If the content comes from God, then you're "Rising in Love," as the title of an old Alan Cohen book describes. Then your lovemaking is soul to soul. In the union of two souls, the entire universe is blessed and healed.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
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Actress Susan Sarandon was on the Stephen Colbert show this week. Stephen asked her if she knew Sean Penn. "Not in the biblical sense," she quipped. Stephen smiled and the audience laughed.
Susan's joke reminded us that the word "know" is the biblical euphemism for intercourse. In yogic spiritual traditions, as in "A Course in Miracles," the word "know" is used to describe direct knowledge of the world of God. In the Jnana yoga tradition, the word "know" means knowing God or knowing oneself as God, or Tat Tvam Asi. "A Course in Miracles" distinguishes between knowledge and perception. Knowledge is of God. Knowledge is certain. Knowledge is the certainty of knowing that "I am as God created me."
Falling in love is easy. Romantic love is charged with the sexual tension of arousal. Arousal is a powerful force. It's activated unconsciously. It's driven by the genetic programming to procreate. Biology mixes with the mystery of the unknown. It's interesting to note that the excitement of romantic love is still being celebrated. This week The New York Times reported how couples are recording on film the moment they get engaged.
However, the same issue of The Times also ran a story about how fewer and fewer couples see 25 or even 15 years of marriage.
Marriage is the perfect spiritual path to attain Knowledge. Your spouse offers you endless opportunities to "know" her or his spiritual reality. And in knowing his or her spiritual reality, you grow in awareness of your own.
Writer Sondra Ray years ago coined the term "love brings up anything unlike itself." And in marriage, everything comes up. From socks on the floor to jealousy, marriage illuminates all the doubts, fears, frailties and foibles of being human mirrored in your spouse.
Do you have the willingness to know your partner's soul and in turn know your own? In truth, there's no difference. On the Sabbath, Jews celebrate the union of the transcendent masculine presence of God with the in-dwelling Shekinah, or feminine presence of God. The song they sing is "L'chah Dodi" and the chorus goes, "I am my Beloved and my Beloved is me." The song describes the level of union that everyone is really looking for. The best pictorial depiction of this I've seen is in Alex Grey's painting "Tantra." The form of a copulating couple's physical body is barely discernible in the circular energy maze in which the couple is entwined. The couple has melded into each other and has become one.
To meld, you have to open the blinds of your own heart. You have to go deeper into yourself and question the origin of every thought or feeling that is upsetting. Every altercation in marriage is an opportunity to rise above it. The reason I'm still married after 25 years is that I use a form of a three-step process that I call the 3 Rs derived from "A Course in Miracles."
Step one: Recognition, which means recognizing that you're not at peace. I can't tell you how many couples think that conflict is natural. It's not. Peace is the natural state, but to be at peace means that you have to stop being defensive.
Step two: Responsibility. Responsibility means the cause of your lack of peace is in you. Somewhere inside, something is not being expressed, or somewhere inside, you did not want to take responsibility for your own happiness.
Step three: Release. Release is the willingness to give whatever is bothering you to God. By being willing to access the love that you are, it's as though a call goes out that invites a joining or healing with your spouse. Sometimes you may feel guided to speak your peace. Sometimes you may be guided to keep quiet. For years my husband's guidance in confrontational situations with me was "Shut up, Dubitsky." You may be guided to apologize; you may be guided to do nothing.
The form of the healing doesn't matter. What matters is the content. If the content comes from God, then you're "Rising in Love," as the title of an old Alan Cohen book describes. Then your lovemaking is soul to soul. In the union of two souls, the entire universe is blessed and healed.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
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