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Posted: October 1st, 2007 at 2:14am By: Sorah Dubitsky
In a class I was teaching this week about sexuality and the senses, I was amazed that the students didn't seem to be able to relate to sex and sensuality. When I asked about what kinds of things cause them to get aroused, I got a lot of blank stares.
As it turns out, sensory experience, especially touch, is essential for satisfying sex. Touching, cuddling, holding and caressing release the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is known as the cuddle hormone. It's the hormone that women secrete during breastfeeding. It's also released in both men and women during orgasm. Oxytocin imparts a feeling of well-being. It also increases bonding behaviors, not only between mothers and children but also between spouses. Not only humans but also animals, such as the prairie vole, which mate for life, secrete higher levels of oxytocin.
New research on sexuality has shown that the body is primed for arousal. Sights, sounds, smells and touch stimulate arousal even before people are consciously aware of it.
So if sexual arousal from sensory stimuli precedes desire, it makes sense for couple who want to keep long-term love and lust alive to enhance sensory experience. While couples can vary in their preferred sense modality, for me it's touch.
Just this week, I noticed how often Larry and I touch. We kiss last thing before closing our eyes at night. We kiss before either one of us leaves the house. We pat each other's butts. We hold hands when walking. We hug, clasp arms and brush cheeks. We give each other massages. We crack each other's backs. I cut Larry's toenails, because he's lost some flexibility due to hip replacement surgery. We're happily married for over 25 years, and the depth of the sweetness of our closeness has no bottom to its depth.
I once heard physician Rachel Naomi Remen say that a mother's touch sends the message "live!" to an infant. Researcher Tiffany Fields, director of the Touch Research Institute, who's been doing research on the effects of massage, has shown that massage reduces stress, increases immunity, reduces depression, and makes infants grow faster. In other words, touch is healing. Massage also releases oxytocin.
One of the best ways to keep the marriage juices flowing for a long time is to become sensitized to your own as well as your partner's body. Everyone knows that you can become aroused through stimulation of the primary erogenous zones, although there are more of them than the obvious ones. The inner thighs, lips, tongue, perineum, anus and navel are all extremely sensitive and, when stimulated, can create as much excitement as when the genitals or breasts are stimulated directly. Yet, secondary erogenous zones are found all over the body: the back, hands, feet, back of the knees, scalp and armpits are all potential arousal sites.
If your goal is to stay in a long-term, loving, lustful relationship, then try massaging your mate. Take time to find out what feels good to him. Explore his body. Let him explore yours. Tell him what feels good. Use the massage time to relax and release stress. Let your muscles start to feel loose and warm. As you let down your body armor, you can open to receive the loving energy your partner is giving you.
Sensuous touching energy of pressing, sliding, kissing and petting is a prerequisite for the arousal of sexual energy. Toe-curling orgasm is the result of joyously including touch in your foreplay.
Sexual energy, when used in the service of Love, is healing energy.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
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In a class I was teaching this week about sexuality and the senses, I was amazed that the students didn't seem to be able to relate to sex and sensuality. When I asked about what kinds of things cause them to get aroused, I got a lot of blank stares.
As it turns out, sensory experience, especially touch, is essential for satisfying sex. Touching, cuddling, holding and caressing release the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin is known as the cuddle hormone. It's the hormone that women secrete during breastfeeding. It's also released in both men and women during orgasm. Oxytocin imparts a feeling of well-being. It also increases bonding behaviors, not only between mothers and children but also between spouses. Not only humans but also animals, such as the prairie vole, which mate for life, secrete higher levels of oxytocin.
New research on sexuality has shown that the body is primed for arousal. Sights, sounds, smells and touch stimulate arousal even before people are consciously aware of it.
So if sexual arousal from sensory stimuli precedes desire, it makes sense for couple who want to keep long-term love and lust alive to enhance sensory experience. While couples can vary in their preferred sense modality, for me it's touch.
Just this week, I noticed how often Larry and I touch. We kiss last thing before closing our eyes at night. We kiss before either one of us leaves the house. We pat each other's butts. We hold hands when walking. We hug, clasp arms and brush cheeks. We give each other massages. We crack each other's backs. I cut Larry's toenails, because he's lost some flexibility due to hip replacement surgery. We're happily married for over 25 years, and the depth of the sweetness of our closeness has no bottom to its depth.
I once heard physician Rachel Naomi Remen say that a mother's touch sends the message "live!" to an infant. Researcher Tiffany Fields, director of the Touch Research Institute, who's been doing research on the effects of massage, has shown that massage reduces stress, increases immunity, reduces depression, and makes infants grow faster. In other words, touch is healing. Massage also releases oxytocin.
One of the best ways to keep the marriage juices flowing for a long time is to become sensitized to your own as well as your partner's body. Everyone knows that you can become aroused through stimulation of the primary erogenous zones, although there are more of them than the obvious ones. The inner thighs, lips, tongue, perineum, anus and navel are all extremely sensitive and, when stimulated, can create as much excitement as when the genitals or breasts are stimulated directly. Yet, secondary erogenous zones are found all over the body: the back, hands, feet, back of the knees, scalp and armpits are all potential arousal sites.
If your goal is to stay in a long-term, loving, lustful relationship, then try massaging your mate. Take time to find out what feels good to him. Explore his body. Let him explore yours. Tell him what feels good. Use the massage time to relax and release stress. Let your muscles start to feel loose and warm. As you let down your body armor, you can open to receive the loving energy your partner is giving you.
Sensuous touching energy of pressing, sliding, kissing and petting is a prerequisite for the arousal of sexual energy. Toe-curling orgasm is the result of joyously including touch in your foreplay.
Sexual energy, when used in the service of Love, is healing energy.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
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