Monday, November 5, 2007 at 12:12am
No love but love
Column: Love, God and Sex
A great deal of psychology literature is devoted to delineating different kinds of love. The two main kinds of love are usually categorized as passionate love and companionate love. Passionate love is adrenaline-driven love. It's the all-consuming frenzy that usually takes place in the first stage of a relationship. Companionate love is the "in for the long haul" love that characterizes enduring relationships. The heat of passion is replaced by the warmth of friendship. Relationships in which one or both partners define love as passionate heat are more likely to end when the heat cools. A cooling down of the fires of passion is inevitable, since some of that passion is caused by the thrill of novelty.
The psychologist John Allen Lee describes six styles or types of love: eros, which is romantic love; ludus, or playboy/playgirl kind of love; mania, characterized by jealousy and possessiveness; storge (pronounced storgay), a familial kind of friendship; agape, or spiritual love; and pragma, which is based on practical concerns.
No wonder people are so confused about what love is. All the definitions of love identified above are based on the idea that love is something external to be obtained from someone else. So far, no psychological definition of love that I've come across has described Love as "a state of Being" or "I am a creation of a Loving God." Spiritually, love is who you are. You are created by Love and through Love. The seed of Love from the Creator is born through every species in the "urge to merge." Life begets life. Love begets love.
Love as a State of Being means there is no scarcity of Love. Love is not something that needs to be captured, clenched and controlled for a lifetime. Love as a state of being means that you can breathe, smile, radiate, play and be happy.
In married sex, love as a state of being means that you can take responsibility for your own experience. Sexual satisfaction doesn't depend on what your partner does or doesn't do. Sexual satisfaction depends on being comfortable with your own body and being willing to explore its maximum capacity for pleasure. Love as a state of being means that neither partner feels inadequate in any way; neither partner has to prove anything; neither partner needs anything. The purpose of sex is to enter a transcendent domain of absolute bliss. Each partner is a channel for the Divine and is renewed by radiant energy.
The recognition that one's original nature is Love makes marriage much easier. Partners aren't afraid of losing love, so neither partner has to be afraid that the other partner is changing. Partners are free to grow and to discover their full potential. There's mutual support for self-growth, because one's growth doesn't detract in any way from the other. The forms of love may alternate between eros, ludus and pragma, but the content of love always comes from the soul.
Below is a list of love descriptors that I've come up with. I think they characterize the fullness of love, because fullness is the soul of love:
Love is:
honest
courageous
authenticity
fearlessness
compassion
mercy
accepting consequences of behavior
assuming responsibility
vitality
forgiveness
embracing all of humanity
being able to feel suffering
living in grace
staying in the heart and feeling feelings
abundance
awareness
feeling full
having no needs
inspiration
inner peace
the presence of God on earth
Tat Tvam Asi is the Hindi phrase for "thou art that," which means you are the ultimate mystery of the universe. The ultimate mystery of the universe is love. Your essence, your being, your thoughts, your reality are only love.
Years ago, Bette Midler sang of Love in the beautiful, poignant song "The Rose." The song describes love as a flower and "you its only seed." The song concludes with the line: " ... just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows, lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes the rose."
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
The psychologist John Allen Lee describes six styles or types of love: eros, which is romantic love; ludus, or playboy/playgirl kind of love; mania, characterized by jealousy and possessiveness; storge (pronounced storgay), a familial kind of friendship; agape, or spiritual love; and pragma, which is based on practical concerns.
No wonder people are so confused about what love is. All the definitions of love identified above are based on the idea that love is something external to be obtained from someone else. So far, no psychological definition of love that I've come across has described Love as "a state of Being" or "I am a creation of a Loving God." Spiritually, love is who you are. You are created by Love and through Love. The seed of Love from the Creator is born through every species in the "urge to merge." Life begets life. Love begets love.
Love as a State of Being means there is no scarcity of Love. Love is not something that needs to be captured, clenched and controlled for a lifetime. Love as a state of being means that you can breathe, smile, radiate, play and be happy.
In married sex, love as a state of being means that you can take responsibility for your own experience. Sexual satisfaction doesn't depend on what your partner does or doesn't do. Sexual satisfaction depends on being comfortable with your own body and being willing to explore its maximum capacity for pleasure. Love as a state of being means that neither partner feels inadequate in any way; neither partner has to prove anything; neither partner needs anything. The purpose of sex is to enter a transcendent domain of absolute bliss. Each partner is a channel for the Divine and is renewed by radiant energy.
The recognition that one's original nature is Love makes marriage much easier. Partners aren't afraid of losing love, so neither partner has to be afraid that the other partner is changing. Partners are free to grow and to discover their full potential. There's mutual support for self-growth, because one's growth doesn't detract in any way from the other. The forms of love may alternate between eros, ludus and pragma, but the content of love always comes from the soul.
Below is a list of love descriptors that I've come up with. I think they characterize the fullness of love, because fullness is the soul of love:
Love is:
honest
courageous
authenticity
fearlessness
compassion
mercy
accepting consequences of behavior
assuming responsibility
vitality
forgiveness
embracing all of humanity
being able to feel suffering
living in grace
staying in the heart and feeling feelings
abundance
awareness
feeling full
having no needs
inspiration
inner peace
the presence of God on earth
Tat Tvam Asi is the Hindi phrase for "thou art that," which means you are the ultimate mystery of the universe. The ultimate mystery of the universe is love. Your essence, your being, your thoughts, your reality are only love.
Years ago, Bette Midler sang of Love in the beautiful, poignant song "The Rose." The song describes love as a flower and "you its only seed." The song concludes with the line: " ... just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows, lies the seed that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes the rose."
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.