Friday, November 23, 2007 at 12:12am
Breaking the cycle of conflict
Column: Executive Soul
Conflict rears its head in virtually all human institutions, whether they are nations, families or organizations of a size somewhere in between. The question for leaders is not whether they will encounter conflict but how they will encounter conflict. Breaking the cycle of conflict involves both seeing compassionately and interrupting the cycle.
Seeing compassionately, for Clarena Tolson, grows out of prayer. Clarena has learned to lead compassionately in the nitty-gritty daily life of city government. As commissioner of the Street Department in Philadelphia, Clarena prays for a heart of compassion toward the mayor to whom she reports, toward the City Council and her fellow commissioners, toward the nearly 2,000 workers in her department for whom she is responsible, and for everyone with whom she comes into contact. In the midst of the conflicts that crop up in city politics, seeing with compassion provides the foundation for transforming the atmosphere. Seeing compassionately and respectfully serves the department well, especially in the midst of veiled or open conflict.
After learning to see with compassion, the leader must interrupt the cycle of conflict in order to ultimately break it. Clarena Tolson has discovered that this principle applies equally to daily life in city government as it does to the more obvious venues of conflict. For example, in hearings before the city council regarding the Street Department's budget, political infighting easily erupts. Rather than fighting fire with fire, Clarena seeks to interrupt the cycle of conflict. Referring to challenges in the budget process, Clarena reports:
"I pray that others' hearts and minds will be open to hear what they have to hear, and that I will do nothing to offend them, and that their hearts be softened to move toward a resolution of problems, vs. engaging in battle for the sake of battle."
She seeks to remain open to what she can learn from others' perspectives, as well as seeking to engage others in constructive dialogue regarding her perspective. How well does this approach work? Clarena often finds her colleagues commenting on how easily she got through the budget hearing process, in contrast to other departments' experiences.
Occasionally Clarena has found herself in the position of interrupting the cycle of more obvious violence. On one occasion, before her promotion to commissioner, when she served as a senior manager in the department, violence erupted at a worksite some distance from hers and the then-commissioner sent her to the scene immediately while he dealt with calling the police and other matters. While some employees at the scene were eager to respond with hostility and others wanted to run away, Clarena offered a third way by calling the group to prayer:
"We gathered to pray for those who'd been badly harmed (we didn't know at the moment that they'd been killed) and to pray for the person who did the shooting, pray for his family, for all that they would be going through. And that was a real challenge as I was standing there and the room was bloody, and the bodies were being carried out as we stood there; it was difficult to keep the focus on prayer."
By praying at the scene of the violence, Clarena calmed the group and helped them take the first steps toward returning to normalcy. Her prayer interrupted the cycle of violence and prevented it from escalating.
Clarena Tolson has learned how to break the cycle of conflict and violence. As a result, her employees, her colleagues in other departments and even those who disagree with her benefit. The city of Philadelphia is better off, because one of its commissioners has discovered how to see with compassion and transform conflict into healing, productive energy.
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Margaret Benefiel, Ph.D., author of "Soul at Work: Spiritual Leadership in Organizations," works with leaders in business, healthcare, government and non-profits to help them develop spiritual leadership. Visit her website at www.ExecutiveSoul.com. © Copyright 2007 by Margaret Benefiel.
Seeing compassionately, for Clarena Tolson, grows out of prayer. Clarena has learned to lead compassionately in the nitty-gritty daily life of city government. As commissioner of the Street Department in Philadelphia, Clarena prays for a heart of compassion toward the mayor to whom she reports, toward the City Council and her fellow commissioners, toward the nearly 2,000 workers in her department for whom she is responsible, and for everyone with whom she comes into contact. In the midst of the conflicts that crop up in city politics, seeing with compassion provides the foundation for transforming the atmosphere. Seeing compassionately and respectfully serves the department well, especially in the midst of veiled or open conflict.
After learning to see with compassion, the leader must interrupt the cycle of conflict in order to ultimately break it. Clarena Tolson has discovered that this principle applies equally to daily life in city government as it does to the more obvious venues of conflict. For example, in hearings before the city council regarding the Street Department's budget, political infighting easily erupts. Rather than fighting fire with fire, Clarena seeks to interrupt the cycle of conflict. Referring to challenges in the budget process, Clarena reports:
"I pray that others' hearts and minds will be open to hear what they have to hear, and that I will do nothing to offend them, and that their hearts be softened to move toward a resolution of problems, vs. engaging in battle for the sake of battle."
She seeks to remain open to what she can learn from others' perspectives, as well as seeking to engage others in constructive dialogue regarding her perspective. How well does this approach work? Clarena often finds her colleagues commenting on how easily she got through the budget hearing process, in contrast to other departments' experiences.
Occasionally Clarena has found herself in the position of interrupting the cycle of more obvious violence. On one occasion, before her promotion to commissioner, when she served as a senior manager in the department, violence erupted at a worksite some distance from hers and the then-commissioner sent her to the scene immediately while he dealt with calling the police and other matters. While some employees at the scene were eager to respond with hostility and others wanted to run away, Clarena offered a third way by calling the group to prayer:
"We gathered to pray for those who'd been badly harmed (we didn't know at the moment that they'd been killed) and to pray for the person who did the shooting, pray for his family, for all that they would be going through. And that was a real challenge as I was standing there and the room was bloody, and the bodies were being carried out as we stood there; it was difficult to keep the focus on prayer."
By praying at the scene of the violence, Clarena calmed the group and helped them take the first steps toward returning to normalcy. Her prayer interrupted the cycle of violence and prevented it from escalating.
Clarena Tolson has learned how to break the cycle of conflict and violence. As a result, her employees, her colleagues in other departments and even those who disagree with her benefit. The city of Philadelphia is better off, because one of its commissioners has discovered how to see with compassion and transform conflict into healing, productive energy.
— — —
Margaret Benefiel, Ph.D., author of "Soul at Work: Spiritual Leadership in Organizations," works with leaders in business, healthcare, government and non-profits to help them develop spiritual leadership. Visit her website at www.ExecutiveSoul.com. © Copyright 2007 by Margaret Benefiel.