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Posted: December 5th, 2007 at 1:43am By: Sorah Dubitsky
When asking students in my Personal Adjustment classes about whether they think there's a relationship between sexuality and spirituality, most of them snicker smugly. Then I tell them that I have definitive proof that sexuality and spirituality are related. I ask them, "What do most people say at the moment of orgasm?" I see their smiles broaden when the answer comes to them, and one or two brave souls call out, "Oh God!"
Osho, in his book "Sex Matters," discusses how sex is a path to superconsciousness or God-realization. He says that the experience of orgasm through sex led human beings to search for ways to hold on to that orgasmic state all the time. That's why meditation was invented. Osho goes on to say that the bliss that comes from vishayanand (sex) and the bliss that comes from brahmanand (connecting to God through meditation) is the same bliss.
I find it sad that in the 21st century, there are still so many culturally or socially imposed prohibitions that limit full expression of sexual pleasure. For example, a sexual double standard still exists. The "Madonna/whore dichotomy still prevails: You're a nice girl if you don't indulge in sex and you're a slut if you do. A single woman who carries condoms in her purse to protect against pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases is "easy." A sexual dichotomy exists for men as well. A promiscuous man is a "manly" man, while one who is less indulgent is a "wimp." The macho man is a "super stud," while the sensitive man is a "wuss."
Marriage is supposed to dissolve the sexual dichotomies by making sexual exploration more acceptable. But cultural stereotypes and misconceptions can easily carry over into the marriage bed. One problem is the narrow definition of sex. If sex is defined only as penile/vaginal intercourse, as it is still popularly defined today, then an inability to achieve orgasm during intercourse means that somehow you're sexually deficient. This holds true for both men and women. Instead of defining sex as the entire process of lovemaking, men focus on the size and duration of their erections. Women, who may derive more pleasure from other activities, such as oral sex or masturbation, may think of themselves as frigid because they're "not feeling what they're supposed to be feeling."
My philosophy is that it's not what you do but why you're doing it. Therapist and writer Wendy Maltz has developed The Maltz Hierarchy of Sexual Interaction. Her hierarchy acknowledges both the positive and negative reasons people have sex. At the top of her hierarchy is "Authentic Sexual Intimacy," which is characterized by "spiritual connection" and "reverence toward the body." At the bottom of her hierarchy is "Violent Interaction," described as "physical coercion" and "absolute domination, destruction or annihilation."
Sex is the most potent energy in the universe. The same energy that gave birth to the universe courses through our physical forms. I often think that sex is God's trick to get us to reproduce. If it didn't feel so good, why would we do it? Anthropologist Helen Fisher believes that sex is a drive built into the brain's reward system.
Overcoming preconceived ideas about sex and sexuality takes time and energy. It's an endeavor in which both husband and wife must be invested if sex is going to be the path to union with God. But in order to do this, couples need to communicate. Share your doubts, fears, wants and needs about sexuality and desirability. Be willing to explore your own body and your partner's body. Discover what does and doesn't feel good to each other. When you make love, take the emphasis off consummation and put the emphasis on pure enjoyment. Sex therapists use a process called Sensate Focus. In Sensate Focus exercises, couples develop heightened sensitivity to one another through the sense of touch. Couples also give immediate feedback about what feels good, and so they learn more and more about each other. Closeness supersedes performance. Without expectations, partners can relax.
There are many paths to God, including prayer, meditation, devotion and service. "A Course in Miracles" says that the recognition of a brother or sister as an equal child of God is the fastest path to God. Marriage, by offering endless opportunities to genuinely share God's love, encompasses prayer, meditation, devotion and service. By freeing each other to actualize their sexual potential, couples can actualize their human potential. And they and the entire world will be the better for it.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
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When asking students in my Personal Adjustment classes about whether they think there's a relationship between sexuality and spirituality, most of them snicker smugly. Then I tell them that I have definitive proof that sexuality and spirituality are related. I ask them, "What do most people say at the moment of orgasm?" I see their smiles broaden when the answer comes to them, and one or two brave souls call out, "Oh God!"
Osho, in his book "Sex Matters," discusses how sex is a path to superconsciousness or God-realization. He says that the experience of orgasm through sex led human beings to search for ways to hold on to that orgasmic state all the time. That's why meditation was invented. Osho goes on to say that the bliss that comes from vishayanand (sex) and the bliss that comes from brahmanand (connecting to God through meditation) is the same bliss.
I find it sad that in the 21st century, there are still so many culturally or socially imposed prohibitions that limit full expression of sexual pleasure. For example, a sexual double standard still exists. The "Madonna/whore dichotomy still prevails: You're a nice girl if you don't indulge in sex and you're a slut if you do. A single woman who carries condoms in her purse to protect against pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases is "easy." A sexual dichotomy exists for men as well. A promiscuous man is a "manly" man, while one who is less indulgent is a "wimp." The macho man is a "super stud," while the sensitive man is a "wuss."
Marriage is supposed to dissolve the sexual dichotomies by making sexual exploration more acceptable. But cultural stereotypes and misconceptions can easily carry over into the marriage bed. One problem is the narrow definition of sex. If sex is defined only as penile/vaginal intercourse, as it is still popularly defined today, then an inability to achieve orgasm during intercourse means that somehow you're sexually deficient. This holds true for both men and women. Instead of defining sex as the entire process of lovemaking, men focus on the size and duration of their erections. Women, who may derive more pleasure from other activities, such as oral sex or masturbation, may think of themselves as frigid because they're "not feeling what they're supposed to be feeling."
My philosophy is that it's not what you do but why you're doing it. Therapist and writer Wendy Maltz has developed The Maltz Hierarchy of Sexual Interaction. Her hierarchy acknowledges both the positive and negative reasons people have sex. At the top of her hierarchy is "Authentic Sexual Intimacy," which is characterized by "spiritual connection" and "reverence toward the body." At the bottom of her hierarchy is "Violent Interaction," described as "physical coercion" and "absolute domination, destruction or annihilation."
Sex is the most potent energy in the universe. The same energy that gave birth to the universe courses through our physical forms. I often think that sex is God's trick to get us to reproduce. If it didn't feel so good, why would we do it? Anthropologist Helen Fisher believes that sex is a drive built into the brain's reward system.
Overcoming preconceived ideas about sex and sexuality takes time and energy. It's an endeavor in which both husband and wife must be invested if sex is going to be the path to union with God. But in order to do this, couples need to communicate. Share your doubts, fears, wants and needs about sexuality and desirability. Be willing to explore your own body and your partner's body. Discover what does and doesn't feel good to each other. When you make love, take the emphasis off consummation and put the emphasis on pure enjoyment. Sex therapists use a process called Sensate Focus. In Sensate Focus exercises, couples develop heightened sensitivity to one another through the sense of touch. Couples also give immediate feedback about what feels good, and so they learn more and more about each other. Closeness supersedes performance. Without expectations, partners can relax.
There are many paths to God, including prayer, meditation, devotion and service. "A Course in Miracles" says that the recognition of a brother or sister as an equal child of God is the fastest path to God. Marriage, by offering endless opportunities to genuinely share God's love, encompasses prayer, meditation, devotion and service. By freeing each other to actualize their sexual potential, couples can actualize their human potential. And they and the entire world will be the better for it.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
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