Wednesday, December 26, 2007 at 12:12am
For great sex, use your brain
Column: Love, God and Sex
This column originally was published on May 14, 2007.
The April issue of Men's Health magazine has an article about taking care of your private parts. The article is entitled "Defend your Manhood."
It's a good article, providing valuable information about the possible causes of distressing symptoms men may experience in their genitals. It talks about everything from pain to discharges to diagnoses of cancer.
Given how much a man's sense of well-being is tied to the functioning of his plumbing, it's important that men learn what's normal and what's not normal. As the article points out, many of the conditions described can be treated either with antibiotics or minor surgery.
I'm of the opinion that a man's penis isn't as important to lovemaking as is his brain.
While the penis is very important to good lovemaking, the more important sex organ is your brain. Mel Brooks, as the 2,000-Year-Old Man, is asked by Carl Reiner what the first piece of clothing was. Brooks answers, "The hat." Reiner says that he thought that the fig leaf was the first piece of clothing because it had to protect the genitals. Brooks says: No, if someone comes along and messes with your genitals, you get a momentary thrill. Big deal. But if somebody messes with your brains, you might write a bad check. ...
Couples who have become sensitized to their own and each other's bodies realize that the end point of sex isn't about how big an ejaculation one has. They realize that the end point of sex is that there is no end point. In sensitized sex, the entire body is turned on. The genital tingle that one gets when one is turned on is felt in every cell. The scalp, face, neck, ears, shoulders, belly, back, breasts, butt, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, feet and toes burn with desire. A kiss sends a shiver up and down the spine. A hug awakens kundalini buried at the bottom of the spine and sends electricity out to the fingertips.
But the development of that kind of sensitivity takes brains. It takes brains to pay attention to what really turns your mate on. It's like taking a local train vs. an express. With an express train you get to your destination sooner, but you hardly had time to read your newspaper and enjoy the ride. Developing full body sensitivity means savoring. When people savor experiences, their brains make stronger neuronal connections. That means that experiences that are savored become encoded in long-term memory. Experiences that are hurried through are not encoded. That could be one reason that wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am sex isn't sustaining. It goes by too quickly to become part of your memory stores. Also, without emotion, there's no glue to make the brain connections stick.
Love isn't sex, although the two are often confused. Just because your genitals become aroused doesn't mean you love him or her. When I think of Larry, I feel every cell smiling. My whole body feels happy, electric and energized, not just my genitals.
The field of applied kinesiology uses muscle testing to see whether someone strengthens or depletes you. The test is conducted by extending your non-dominant arm out to the side, then having someone press down on it to determine your baseline strength level. Once the baseline has been established, you then think of someone you love and the person presses again. Inevitably, thinking of someone you love makes you stronger. It's a lot harder to press it down.
In my perusal of Men's Health, I notice a lot of articles about how to score. You can learn how to "dress for sex" and how to "rock her world." You can learn how to read her signals and even how to make her want you. A man who's been using his brains doesn't need any of those pointers. He's learned to read his woman by paying attention to her.
So men, by all means take care of your penis. In addition, take care of your whole being. We are more than just our physical body. We have emotional, mental and spiritual bodies. The melting experience that leads to transcendence only happens when all our bodies are harmonized. In order to have those experiences, it's more important to focus on what's happening above the waist than below the waist. Learning how to use your brain to become attentive to your spouse's needs leads to being able to channel more and more ecstatic energy.
The next time you make love, try this: Pay full attention to your partner. Leave everything behind. Allow her to become the center of your universe. Caress her as if she were a precious jewel. Ask her how you can serve her. Let her tell you what she wants. As you do what she asks, pay attention to her responses. Get to know her responses.
Savor the experience. As you develop greater sensitivity to your partner's needs and wants, the more satisfying your love life will be.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
The April issue of Men's Health magazine has an article about taking care of your private parts. The article is entitled "Defend your Manhood."
It's a good article, providing valuable information about the possible causes of distressing symptoms men may experience in their genitals. It talks about everything from pain to discharges to diagnoses of cancer.
Given how much a man's sense of well-being is tied to the functioning of his plumbing, it's important that men learn what's normal and what's not normal. As the article points out, many of the conditions described can be treated either with antibiotics or minor surgery.
I'm of the opinion that a man's penis isn't as important to lovemaking as is his brain.
While the penis is very important to good lovemaking, the more important sex organ is your brain. Mel Brooks, as the 2,000-Year-Old Man, is asked by Carl Reiner what the first piece of clothing was. Brooks answers, "The hat." Reiner says that he thought that the fig leaf was the first piece of clothing because it had to protect the genitals. Brooks says: No, if someone comes along and messes with your genitals, you get a momentary thrill. Big deal. But if somebody messes with your brains, you might write a bad check. ...
Couples who have become sensitized to their own and each other's bodies realize that the end point of sex isn't about how big an ejaculation one has. They realize that the end point of sex is that there is no end point. In sensitized sex, the entire body is turned on. The genital tingle that one gets when one is turned on is felt in every cell. The scalp, face, neck, ears, shoulders, belly, back, breasts, butt, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, feet and toes burn with desire. A kiss sends a shiver up and down the spine. A hug awakens kundalini buried at the bottom of the spine and sends electricity out to the fingertips.
But the development of that kind of sensitivity takes brains. It takes brains to pay attention to what really turns your mate on. It's like taking a local train vs. an express. With an express train you get to your destination sooner, but you hardly had time to read your newspaper and enjoy the ride. Developing full body sensitivity means savoring. When people savor experiences, their brains make stronger neuronal connections. That means that experiences that are savored become encoded in long-term memory. Experiences that are hurried through are not encoded. That could be one reason that wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am sex isn't sustaining. It goes by too quickly to become part of your memory stores. Also, without emotion, there's no glue to make the brain connections stick.
Love isn't sex, although the two are often confused. Just because your genitals become aroused doesn't mean you love him or her. When I think of Larry, I feel every cell smiling. My whole body feels happy, electric and energized, not just my genitals.
The field of applied kinesiology uses muscle testing to see whether someone strengthens or depletes you. The test is conducted by extending your non-dominant arm out to the side, then having someone press down on it to determine your baseline strength level. Once the baseline has been established, you then think of someone you love and the person presses again. Inevitably, thinking of someone you love makes you stronger. It's a lot harder to press it down.
In my perusal of Men's Health, I notice a lot of articles about how to score. You can learn how to "dress for sex" and how to "rock her world." You can learn how to read her signals and even how to make her want you. A man who's been using his brains doesn't need any of those pointers. He's learned to read his woman by paying attention to her.
So men, by all means take care of your penis. In addition, take care of your whole being. We are more than just our physical body. We have emotional, mental and spiritual bodies. The melting experience that leads to transcendence only happens when all our bodies are harmonized. In order to have those experiences, it's more important to focus on what's happening above the waist than below the waist. Learning how to use your brain to become attentive to your spouse's needs leads to being able to channel more and more ecstatic energy.
The next time you make love, try this: Pay full attention to your partner. Leave everything behind. Allow her to become the center of your universe. Caress her as if she were a precious jewel. Ask her how you can serve her. Let her tell you what she wants. As you do what she asks, pay attention to her responses. Get to know her responses.
Savor the experience. As you develop greater sensitivity to your partner's needs and wants, the more satisfying your love life will be.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality as well as offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website and her blog, Healing Relationships. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2007 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.