Thursday, January 17, 2008 at 1:01am
In shock
Column: Our Place in the Universe
Right now, my heart has gone into shock. My best friend doesn't trust me anymore. Somehow all those little things that come between people have added up. I can't say that I didn't know about it. Thinking back, I hear conversations that we had, that I responded to from my own point of view. I see now that I hadn't really listened to her side, to what she was feeling.
A couple of days ago the situation came to a head. She repeated something that I had heard before, that happened years ago. She was upset about it. I could never understand why she kept bringing it up, because I never heard her saying that she continued to be hurt by it. I never heard her saying that she wanted me to do something about it.
I never felt like it was a situation that I had to repent for, since I never understood her heart in the matter. No matter. If I had listened to her, with no me in between, I might have understood. I might have felt her pain. At the very least, I might have apologized in time. Makes me think about Mother Earth.
She is someone I also don't listen to with no me in between. Someone I expect to deal with situations that I myself don't think are very serious, that may very well be significant to her existence. All those little things that build up until the situation may become unbearable for her, as it did with my friend.
Those things that she is speaking to me about like air pollution, toxic waste and global warming. Those things that I expect she will take care of herself, because I just don't hear her saying that she continues to be hurt by them. I never heard her saying that she wanted me to do something about it. I never felt that it was important enough.
My heart has stopped beating regularly because of the pain I caused my friend. I can't help thinking that there are hundreds of things that I fail to see because I'm only looking from my point of view. I hear from my own standpoint without considering what someone else is really trying to tell me, what they are trying to convey beyond words, but from the heart, because words are so limited, and limiting.
I'm wondering what the solution is. I'm thinking that it can only be to see from a higher viewpoint than one's own, from God's point of view. Looking at life, at love, at truth, with a higher perspective, with an awareness that goes beyond myself. This is reminiscent of Arne Naess' deep ecology, which includes an understanding of self that begins with an extended self-realization.
He says that as humans, we have the ability to expand our sense of self outward, beyond our own limited ego, to include and recognize the inherent value, potential and beauty of all living things. One can only begin to know one's self through the interconnected relationships and diversity of the creation. However, also within each one of us is that same value that will aid in the realization of a higher quality of life.
Until I make that change in myself, including others in my value structure and practice, I am not really living up to my full potential. And I am not really valuing them. That means loving and caring for others from this higher standard, or from God's perspective. Often this higher perspective can be perceived directly from the other — if I take the time and have the openness of heart to hear something that I may not understand or even agree with.
Shall I make this political by mentioning that we don't have to look far to hear the Israelis crying for a homeland? The Palestinians have that same cry, and each people is not really listening to the other. Shall I make it environmental by bringing up the fact that although we have had ice ages and global warming in the past, none have precipitated such a massive change in such a small amount of time? Mother Earth is crying out under the strain.
I've already made it religious by saying that I believe the solution comes from looking at our nature, our position and our relationships from God's point of view. But I'm not here to argue — my heart is still in shock, and I wonder whom else I have uncaringly hurt? How can I repent deeply enough to change and broaden my heart for the new year?
— — —
Anne E. Ulvestad is a free-lance writer residing in Maryland. Having gotten her MA in earth literacy, she is now embarking on the further adventures of a Ph.D. in Wisdom Studies. She is available for public lectures and group presentations and rituals on Spirituality and the Environment. Anne can be reached at {email anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com}anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Anne E. Ulvestad.
A couple of days ago the situation came to a head. She repeated something that I had heard before, that happened years ago. She was upset about it. I could never understand why she kept bringing it up, because I never heard her saying that she continued to be hurt by it. I never heard her saying that she wanted me to do something about it.
I never felt like it was a situation that I had to repent for, since I never understood her heart in the matter. No matter. If I had listened to her, with no me in between, I might have understood. I might have felt her pain. At the very least, I might have apologized in time. Makes me think about Mother Earth.
She is someone I also don't listen to with no me in between. Someone I expect to deal with situations that I myself don't think are very serious, that may very well be significant to her existence. All those little things that build up until the situation may become unbearable for her, as it did with my friend.
Those things that she is speaking to me about like air pollution, toxic waste and global warming. Those things that I expect she will take care of herself, because I just don't hear her saying that she continues to be hurt by them. I never heard her saying that she wanted me to do something about it. I never felt that it was important enough.
My heart has stopped beating regularly because of the pain I caused my friend. I can't help thinking that there are hundreds of things that I fail to see because I'm only looking from my point of view. I hear from my own standpoint without considering what someone else is really trying to tell me, what they are trying to convey beyond words, but from the heart, because words are so limited, and limiting.
I'm wondering what the solution is. I'm thinking that it can only be to see from a higher viewpoint than one's own, from God's point of view. Looking at life, at love, at truth, with a higher perspective, with an awareness that goes beyond myself. This is reminiscent of Arne Naess' deep ecology, which includes an understanding of self that begins with an extended self-realization.
He says that as humans, we have the ability to expand our sense of self outward, beyond our own limited ego, to include and recognize the inherent value, potential and beauty of all living things. One can only begin to know one's self through the interconnected relationships and diversity of the creation. However, also within each one of us is that same value that will aid in the realization of a higher quality of life.
Until I make that change in myself, including others in my value structure and practice, I am not really living up to my full potential. And I am not really valuing them. That means loving and caring for others from this higher standard, or from God's perspective. Often this higher perspective can be perceived directly from the other — if I take the time and have the openness of heart to hear something that I may not understand or even agree with.
Shall I make this political by mentioning that we don't have to look far to hear the Israelis crying for a homeland? The Palestinians have that same cry, and each people is not really listening to the other. Shall I make it environmental by bringing up the fact that although we have had ice ages and global warming in the past, none have precipitated such a massive change in such a small amount of time? Mother Earth is crying out under the strain.
I've already made it religious by saying that I believe the solution comes from looking at our nature, our position and our relationships from God's point of view. But I'm not here to argue — my heart is still in shock, and I wonder whom else I have uncaringly hurt? How can I repent deeply enough to change and broaden my heart for the new year?
— — —
Anne E. Ulvestad is a free-lance writer residing in Maryland. Having gotten her MA in earth literacy, she is now embarking on the further adventures of a Ph.D. in Wisdom Studies. She is available for public lectures and group presentations and rituals on Spirituality and the Environment. Anne can be reached at {email anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com}anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Anne E. Ulvestad.