Thursday, January 24, 2008 at 2:02am
In darkness
Column: Our Place in the Universe
I'm still having a hard time to breathe. But I must focus, since it is work time. Will it all matter in the end? Restore, re-story — these words take up a litany in my head and heart. The story is being rewritten as I type. My role — to continue to breathe deeply. How to re-story without words, but with emotions, with feelings? The pieces of the puzzle of my life are the same, but the order and connections are different.
Ah — is that it? The connecting pieces have changed and the interconnection of pieces is different. Instead of having three bumps and a hole, my story now has one bump and two holes. How and where do I connect to make the picture more beautiful? The answer to this must lie with an extended vision of Self and learning to see beyond my limited perspective.
How can I tell the story now that anticipates what is over the next hill? How can I tell it so that I can support the connections that I want to develop? And how can I be instrumental in healing wounds of the past, altering vibrations that have been stuck in one pattern, but now cry out for purity, goodness, freedom and peace?
As I wrote last week, I am seeing so clearly that the connection that first must be established is the vertical one — the one that connects me to Heavenly Father. I was talking to a friend a few days ago. She asked me what it was that gave me the courage and confidence to get through the obstacles in my life.
I thought about it for a moment and then replied, "God." And, after a pause: "Although I don't usually tell people that. Most people shy away from acknowledging that connection, and don't want to hear about it." She sighed and said softly, "But it's time. It's time they knew. It's time they heard." Connecting experiences first to God allows me to take my own personal situation and make it not about me, make it a re-storying situation.
But it's winter now. Growth takes time. Right now the seed I am nurturing is underground, but stirring. I must be patient and still. Digging when the ground is frozen only produces frustration and pain. Wait for the warming thaw. Right now we are still in the beginning chapters of the new story. My participation is vital, but without that higher, deeper, broader perspective, the environment won't be prepared.
I am remembering the parable of the seed falling on different ground. Each seed tells its own story of being blow away by the wind, being washed away by the rain, being dried up by the sun. Preparing the environment for the seed is the most important first step. If a seed has come from a difficult environment, then it will be in shock and need special care and nurturing, slowly unfolding toward the sun.
Sometimes, no matter what the effort, the environment is not meant to support this kind of bloom. In this case, let me open my heart to offer the seeds to the world. "Let my seeds be sown by the wind, rooted by faith and grown in love."
"I love you, Heavenly Father, most Beloved of all. Please root Your love, Your intention, Your vision and ideal in my heart and mind, so that my environment can reflect Your all-encompassing love of truth and light, encouraging all to grow closer to a oneness with You that vibrates in a hymn of praise and joy."
Darkness is not to be feared. It is the stillness and embrace of the womb. It is the warmth and vitality of the primordial seas. It is the moment of anticipation and hope that makes the breaking forth of the sun's rise more spectacular and memorable.
"Oh, Mother, fill my mind with patience and gratitude during this time of waiting, and let the pain of growth add to the inheritance that I offer to others. My hands are dirty from the effort of tilling the soil. Let me be cleansed by the tears of Your heart, as well as my own tears and sweat and blood in the retelling of my story, and the repentance for my sins."
Thank you, Beloved, for sharing your lonely path with me, and for allowing me to share my story with others. Amen, Amen, Amen.
— — —
Anne E. Ulvestad is a free-lance writer residing in Maryland. Having gotten her MA in earth literacy, she is now embarking on the further adventures of a Ph.D. in Wisdom Studies. She is available for public lectures and group presentations and rituals on Spirituality and the Environment. Anne can be reached at {email anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com}anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Anne E. Ulvestad.
Ah — is that it? The connecting pieces have changed and the interconnection of pieces is different. Instead of having three bumps and a hole, my story now has one bump and two holes. How and where do I connect to make the picture more beautiful? The answer to this must lie with an extended vision of Self and learning to see beyond my limited perspective.
How can I tell the story now that anticipates what is over the next hill? How can I tell it so that I can support the connections that I want to develop? And how can I be instrumental in healing wounds of the past, altering vibrations that have been stuck in one pattern, but now cry out for purity, goodness, freedom and peace?
As I wrote last week, I am seeing so clearly that the connection that first must be established is the vertical one — the one that connects me to Heavenly Father. I was talking to a friend a few days ago. She asked me what it was that gave me the courage and confidence to get through the obstacles in my life.
I thought about it for a moment and then replied, "God." And, after a pause: "Although I don't usually tell people that. Most people shy away from acknowledging that connection, and don't want to hear about it." She sighed and said softly, "But it's time. It's time they knew. It's time they heard." Connecting experiences first to God allows me to take my own personal situation and make it not about me, make it a re-storying situation.
But it's winter now. Growth takes time. Right now the seed I am nurturing is underground, but stirring. I must be patient and still. Digging when the ground is frozen only produces frustration and pain. Wait for the warming thaw. Right now we are still in the beginning chapters of the new story. My participation is vital, but without that higher, deeper, broader perspective, the environment won't be prepared.
I am remembering the parable of the seed falling on different ground. Each seed tells its own story of being blow away by the wind, being washed away by the rain, being dried up by the sun. Preparing the environment for the seed is the most important first step. If a seed has come from a difficult environment, then it will be in shock and need special care and nurturing, slowly unfolding toward the sun.
Sometimes, no matter what the effort, the environment is not meant to support this kind of bloom. In this case, let me open my heart to offer the seeds to the world. "Let my seeds be sown by the wind, rooted by faith and grown in love."
"I love you, Heavenly Father, most Beloved of all. Please root Your love, Your intention, Your vision and ideal in my heart and mind, so that my environment can reflect Your all-encompassing love of truth and light, encouraging all to grow closer to a oneness with You that vibrates in a hymn of praise and joy."
Darkness is not to be feared. It is the stillness and embrace of the womb. It is the warmth and vitality of the primordial seas. It is the moment of anticipation and hope that makes the breaking forth of the sun's rise more spectacular and memorable.
"Oh, Mother, fill my mind with patience and gratitude during this time of waiting, and let the pain of growth add to the inheritance that I offer to others. My hands are dirty from the effort of tilling the soil. Let me be cleansed by the tears of Your heart, as well as my own tears and sweat and blood in the retelling of my story, and the repentance for my sins."
Thank you, Beloved, for sharing your lonely path with me, and for allowing me to share my story with others. Amen, Amen, Amen.
— — —
Anne E. Ulvestad is a free-lance writer residing in Maryland. Having gotten her MA in earth literacy, she is now embarking on the further adventures of a Ph.D. in Wisdom Studies. She is available for public lectures and group presentations and rituals on Spirituality and the Environment. Anne can be reached at {email anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com}anne@ourplaceintheuniverse.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Anne E. Ulvestad.