Tuesday, January 29, 2008 at 2:02am
Silence your inner critic
Column: All Paths
You know, there's one thing that I am willing to bet the farm on that most of us have in common. Can you guess what it is? Well, I am not a cruel guy. I won't let you sit there and wrack your brain. I will tell you. It's our inability to forgive ourselves. I think most of us have at least one thing we can't forgive ourselves for.
Why is it that a lot of us find it much easier to forgive others than ourselves? Rabbi Joseph Gelberman, the founder of The New Seminary and patriarch of interfaith ministry, said: "It's not about deserving forgiveness or not deserving it. The truth is, we deserve not to suffer from the painful and harmful effects of non-forgiving." I submit that the painful and harmful effects of non-forgiving will linger forever until we release them and let go of whatever guilt we have about past mistakes and actions.
No matter how much work we do on ourselves, hours of counseling and workshops we sit through or self-help books we read, most of us can't quite seem to find a way to forgive ourselves for some things. And, because of this inability to forgive ourselves, many of us live in a state of torture where we constantly make harsh judgments about who and what we are. It's as though we try, convict and condemn ourselves over and over again. This is no way to live and certainly no way to go out into this world, and find the path to your destiny. We can truly never reach our highest potential, until we release ourselves from the shackling bondage of non-forgiving.
Today I am going to ask you to release and let go of your non-forgiving ways. Take a minute and think about it. As I said earlier, I firmly believe that most of us have at least one thing that we can't forgive ourselves for. I know I used to have many. However, due to some hard inner work, my list is getting shorter.
So whatever it is from your past that makes you sink into a state of self-judgment and loathing, get rid of it. Expel it from your memory banks, and whenever it surfaces, I want you to say to yourself, "I love you and I forgive you and God loves me and forgives me." This may sound like a simple thing to do. However, it worked for me.
It helped me to remember that there was this very loud and destructive inner critic who resided somewhere inside me that needed to be silenced and expunged from my inner being. The only reason my inner critic was there is because I gave him life and a voice. Yes, through my inability to forgive myself, I allowed him to exist and provided him with a very receptive ear.
Think about it: You can't just let the inner critic surface and say whatever he wants and undermine your confidence and chip away at your self-esteem without countering him. You have to tell him to shut up and go away. You must not listen to the inner critic.
By just standing there and listening without countering him, it's like being in a fight where you let the other guy hit you repeatedly without fighting back. Boxers call this loading up on a guy. In other words, let him know you are not going to stand there and get loaded up on. Remember, when you hear the inner critic start speaking, you let that other guy who resides inside you — whom I call "the inner cheerleader" — speak louder.
Finally, Mary Pickford said, "You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." So my friends, get up and forgive yourself and silence the inner critic in you forever.
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Rev. Jay Speights has an MA in public policy and is an interfaith minister and the main U.N. representative for The New Seminary in New York. You can learn more about his work at The New Seminary website or at http://jayspeights.blogspot.com/. His email address is {email jayspeights@newseminary.org}jayspeights@newseminary.org{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Jay Speights.
Why is it that a lot of us find it much easier to forgive others than ourselves? Rabbi Joseph Gelberman, the founder of The New Seminary and patriarch of interfaith ministry, said: "It's not about deserving forgiveness or not deserving it. The truth is, we deserve not to suffer from the painful and harmful effects of non-forgiving." I submit that the painful and harmful effects of non-forgiving will linger forever until we release them and let go of whatever guilt we have about past mistakes and actions.
No matter how much work we do on ourselves, hours of counseling and workshops we sit through or self-help books we read, most of us can't quite seem to find a way to forgive ourselves for some things. And, because of this inability to forgive ourselves, many of us live in a state of torture where we constantly make harsh judgments about who and what we are. It's as though we try, convict and condemn ourselves over and over again. This is no way to live and certainly no way to go out into this world, and find the path to your destiny. We can truly never reach our highest potential, until we release ourselves from the shackling bondage of non-forgiving.
Today I am going to ask you to release and let go of your non-forgiving ways. Take a minute and think about it. As I said earlier, I firmly believe that most of us have at least one thing that we can't forgive ourselves for. I know I used to have many. However, due to some hard inner work, my list is getting shorter.
So whatever it is from your past that makes you sink into a state of self-judgment and loathing, get rid of it. Expel it from your memory banks, and whenever it surfaces, I want you to say to yourself, "I love you and I forgive you and God loves me and forgives me." This may sound like a simple thing to do. However, it worked for me.
It helped me to remember that there was this very loud and destructive inner critic who resided somewhere inside me that needed to be silenced and expunged from my inner being. The only reason my inner critic was there is because I gave him life and a voice. Yes, through my inability to forgive myself, I allowed him to exist and provided him with a very receptive ear.
Think about it: You can't just let the inner critic surface and say whatever he wants and undermine your confidence and chip away at your self-esteem without countering him. You have to tell him to shut up and go away. You must not listen to the inner critic.
By just standing there and listening without countering him, it's like being in a fight where you let the other guy hit you repeatedly without fighting back. Boxers call this loading up on a guy. In other words, let him know you are not going to stand there and get loaded up on. Remember, when you hear the inner critic start speaking, you let that other guy who resides inside you — whom I call "the inner cheerleader" — speak louder.
Finally, Mary Pickford said, "You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down." So my friends, get up and forgive yourself and silence the inner critic in you forever.
— — —
Rev. Jay Speights has an MA in public policy and is an interfaith minister and the main U.N. representative for The New Seminary in New York. You can learn more about his work at The New Seminary website or at http://jayspeights.blogspot.com/. His email address is {email jayspeights@newseminary.org}jayspeights@newseminary.org{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Jay Speights.