Wednesday, February 6, 2008 at 2:02am
Is sex overrated? Part 2
Column: Love, God and Sex
In my essay titled "Is sex overrated?" that ran last week, I said that sex was overrated only if it was used for self-serving purposes. If it's used in the service of transcendence, then it is not overrated.
The point I want to make this week is that there are many experiences that lead to transcendence.
Thomas Moore, author of "Soul of Sex," said in a recent article on tango.com: I discovered from Renaissance authors that any attempt to transcend yourself can be spiritual.
In that respect, sexuality is like anything else. It's what you put into it (pun intended) that counts. In the union of two souls that are perfectly open to receiving one another: no barriers. It could be naked and raw, or it could be sweet and tender. It is more like dancing when the dancer becomes the dance; or when the runner becomes the run. It's any moment when we are so in the moment that there's no thought - it's just being; it's being the rhythm. Walt Whitman wrote, "I sing the body electric" in an instant of awareness of all that is. You can feel the universal pulse internally. And you can hear the silence that precedes manifestation. You are one with Creativity.
Why are we ashamed to feel ecstasy? The Baal Shem Tov, the founder of Hasidism, used to go out to the woods to commune with God. When Hasids dance, they feel ecstatic. The whirling dervishes of Sufism are ecstatic as they whirl.
Just last week, I was talking to a friend of mine who was catching me up on her life. She separated from her husband a couple of years ago. Once she moved past the shock of the breakup, she began meeting men. She's a beautiful woman to whom men are naturally drawn. She also admitted that in the past year she had allowed herself to explore her sexuality. She said she had had some amazing sexual experiences. She said that one night she had had a seven-hour orgasm. "That's nothing," I said. "When I opened to my writing ability, I had a three-day orgasm." She then said that when she was a cellist for the Philharmonic, she would have an orgasm while playing Beethoven.
My suspicion is that so many people feel this during sex because of their breathing. Tantric breathing practices produce powerful orgasmic experiences. During sex, you breathe into your throat chakra, which is the site of the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). The PNS induces relaxation, so there's an "ahhhh" moment before the "ooooo" of the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) kicks in.
Sexual energy is the energy of life. It is the creative energy of the universe. Sex can be used in the service of lower order needs or higher order needs. Lower order needs are about survival, domination, control, manipulation and self-esteem. Higher order needs begin with an open heart, communication.
How does this relate to keeping sex exciting in a long-term relationship? The answer is to make your life transcendent. Thomas Moore described it beautifully in the article cited above as:
It begins by instructing the reader to get two major aspects of life in order: First, find meaning in your existence. What are your personal laws and needs? What are you called to do? What is your dharma? Second, get your home and career on track. Give your life form. Have a philosophy that can guide you, and apply it to your everyday concerns. Only then will you be ready to learn how to make love.
The best lovemaking awakens kundalini. Kundalini is the universal energy buried deep at the base of the spine. It rises up the spine like a serpent when it is aroused. The higher it goes, the more enlightened we become. In a loving relationship, personal laws and needs are articulated. Your home and career allow you to thrive. And you have a philosophy that allows you to deal skillfully with whatever life hands you.
Is sex overrated? Yes and no. It's not overrated in that it can lead to energy. But it is overrated when you think that it's the only way to get there. The ecstasy of following your heart can be just as potent as the ecstasy of lovemaking.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
The point I want to make this week is that there are many experiences that lead to transcendence.
Thomas Moore, author of "Soul of Sex," said in a recent article on tango.com: I discovered from Renaissance authors that any attempt to transcend yourself can be spiritual.
In that respect, sexuality is like anything else. It's what you put into it (pun intended) that counts. In the union of two souls that are perfectly open to receiving one another: no barriers. It could be naked and raw, or it could be sweet and tender. It is more like dancing when the dancer becomes the dance; or when the runner becomes the run. It's any moment when we are so in the moment that there's no thought - it's just being; it's being the rhythm. Walt Whitman wrote, "I sing the body electric" in an instant of awareness of all that is. You can feel the universal pulse internally. And you can hear the silence that precedes manifestation. You are one with Creativity.
Why are we ashamed to feel ecstasy? The Baal Shem Tov, the founder of Hasidism, used to go out to the woods to commune with God. When Hasids dance, they feel ecstatic. The whirling dervishes of Sufism are ecstatic as they whirl.
Just last week, I was talking to a friend of mine who was catching me up on her life. She separated from her husband a couple of years ago. Once she moved past the shock of the breakup, she began meeting men. She's a beautiful woman to whom men are naturally drawn. She also admitted that in the past year she had allowed herself to explore her sexuality. She said she had had some amazing sexual experiences. She said that one night she had had a seven-hour orgasm. "That's nothing," I said. "When I opened to my writing ability, I had a three-day orgasm." She then said that when she was a cellist for the Philharmonic, she would have an orgasm while playing Beethoven.
My suspicion is that so many people feel this during sex because of their breathing. Tantric breathing practices produce powerful orgasmic experiences. During sex, you breathe into your throat chakra, which is the site of the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve activates the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). The PNS induces relaxation, so there's an "ahhhh" moment before the "ooooo" of the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) kicks in.
Sexual energy is the energy of life. It is the creative energy of the universe. Sex can be used in the service of lower order needs or higher order needs. Lower order needs are about survival, domination, control, manipulation and self-esteem. Higher order needs begin with an open heart, communication.
How does this relate to keeping sex exciting in a long-term relationship? The answer is to make your life transcendent. Thomas Moore described it beautifully in the article cited above as:
It begins by instructing the reader to get two major aspects of life in order: First, find meaning in your existence. What are your personal laws and needs? What are you called to do? What is your dharma? Second, get your home and career on track. Give your life form. Have a philosophy that can guide you, and apply it to your everyday concerns. Only then will you be ready to learn how to make love.
The best lovemaking awakens kundalini. Kundalini is the universal energy buried deep at the base of the spine. It rises up the spine like a serpent when it is aroused. The higher it goes, the more enlightened we become. In a loving relationship, personal laws and needs are articulated. Your home and career allow you to thrive. And you have a philosophy that allows you to deal skillfully with whatever life hands you.
Is sex overrated? Yes and no. It's not overrated in that it can lead to energy. But it is overrated when you think that it's the only way to get there. The ecstasy of following your heart can be just as potent as the ecstasy of lovemaking.
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, "A Chorus of Wisdom" is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.