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Posted: February 14th, 2008 at 1:10am By: Adele Ryan McDowell
Today is Valentine's Day. It is one of my favorite holidays, but not for the obvious reasons. Now, needless to say, who doesn't love a chocolate heart and a flower or two, but what really grabs my attention is a day that stops and says, "Heads up. It's all about love."
OK, now stop rolling your eyes. I am not sitting here in a froth of red lace on a mountain of Hallmark cards espousing ooey-gooey platitudes, nor am I covered in etched chocolate cupids or beribboned undies.
I am someone who, just like you, has been in the trenches of life. As such, haven't we all been awestruck by the love and care, kindness and tenderness, mercy and compassion of one human being for another?
We human beings can be pretty amazing. We offer help to family, friends and even strangers. We have been known to act out of a sheer desire to help and be of service. You need blood, I will donate blood. You need help with a flat tire; I've got a strong back and a jack. You need prayers; I will pray.
I think of the story of a woman, a single mother of six, who, years ago, made headlines with her divorce due to domestic violence. This mom had had the guts to go public at a point and time in history when abuse in the home was still a closeted and shame-filled topic.
This mom was driving home one afternoon, wondering what she was gong to prepare for dinner. There was no food in the house and no money in her wallet. What was she going to do with six hungry kids? As she walked up to her door, she noticed a grocery bag. It was filled with food by some unknown friend or neighbor who understood her circumstances. That, to me, was such a sweet act of love.
Many gurus and mystics will tell you repeatedly, "Love is the answer." These wise ones have a point, but love, my friends, is not for the faint of heart. Love is a courageous, faith-filled step.
And love, like faith, is an action word; it is a verb that calls for us to take steps, like surrender and acceptance.
"Surrender to love is the hardest damn work I have ever done in my life. Put me working in prisons to teach murderers how to give good massages or give me women who haven't slept without nightmares in ten years, but don't ask me to be open and receive tender loving care of someone who is going to know all my dirty laundry and stick around anyway!
"Why is it so hard? Well, I guess I've just been on the road so long I don't know the difference between my feet and my boots and here comes someone to offer a foot rub and I gotta' feel how tired my feet are and how long I've been wanting some good touch and lay down all those other times of disappointment and confusion and let this in without overwhelming myself or anyone else with grief and longing. I didn't learn how to do this at home or school. Did you? It takes a combination of mercy and love we give ourselves."
— John Calvi, from "True Love" in The Friends Journal, 1992, as quoted in the "Heron Dance Book of Love and Gratitude"
Don't John Calvi's words take your breath away? This is a man who knows that love is not only a surrender of self; it is also unconditional. Love, that high-octane love with a capital "L," asks us to accept without qualifiers. Bank accounts, hairlines and waistlines are not the issue. It is acceptance, total, complete, uncomplicated, all-of-you and all-of-me acceptance that is necessary to walk this path.
Light and shadow, child and adult, broken and healed, all aspects of our complicated, multifaceted, highly evolved and yet still-in-denial selves are called forth in every relationship in which we choose to consider love.
The wounded parts will war with the wounded parts. Will you hurt me? Reject me? Abandon me? Can I trust you?
It takes guts to lower our defenses, show our authentic faces and speak our truth. It is a daring step to metaphorically stand naked before another in all of our vulnerable glory. And, yet, when we share communion, be it of table, telephone or bed, with another, there is this portal of transformation that is available. This portal allows our radiance to come forth, and in all that sparkliness, I can see the divine in you, and you can see the divine in me.
Unconditional love is the path of the soul. Really, there is no other work at hand; simply (as if it really were that simple) learn to love wholly, which, of course, becomes holy.
And that promise of unconditional love begins at home. Therefore, whether you are coupled or childless, have 26 rings of relatives or are totally alone, Valentine's Day can still work for you. Surrender to your own wonderfulness, at least for the day. It can't hurt, and, who knows, it could become a lovely new habit.
And in keeping with the spirit of the day, dear reader, I send you an etheric chocolate heart and a bunch of happy tulips in gratitude. You have accepted me and, in that acceptance, my soul has dared to step forth. Happy Valentine's Day!
— — —
Dr. Adele Ryan McDowell, Ph.D., is a psychologist, empath and shaman who likes looking at life with the big viewfinder. Her email address is {email ARMCDOWELL@aol.com}ARMCDOWELL@aol.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Adele Ryan McDowell.
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Today is Valentine's Day. It is one of my favorite holidays, but not for the obvious reasons. Now, needless to say, who doesn't love a chocolate heart and a flower or two, but what really grabs my attention is a day that stops and says, "Heads up. It's all about love."
OK, now stop rolling your eyes. I am not sitting here in a froth of red lace on a mountain of Hallmark cards espousing ooey-gooey platitudes, nor am I covered in etched chocolate cupids or beribboned undies.
I am someone who, just like you, has been in the trenches of life. As such, haven't we all been awestruck by the love and care, kindness and tenderness, mercy and compassion of one human being for another?
We human beings can be pretty amazing. We offer help to family, friends and even strangers. We have been known to act out of a sheer desire to help and be of service. You need blood, I will donate blood. You need help with a flat tire; I've got a strong back and a jack. You need prayers; I will pray.
I think of the story of a woman, a single mother of six, who, years ago, made headlines with her divorce due to domestic violence. This mom had had the guts to go public at a point and time in history when abuse in the home was still a closeted and shame-filled topic.
This mom was driving home one afternoon, wondering what she was gong to prepare for dinner. There was no food in the house and no money in her wallet. What was she going to do with six hungry kids? As she walked up to her door, she noticed a grocery bag. It was filled with food by some unknown friend or neighbor who understood her circumstances. That, to me, was such a sweet act of love.
Many gurus and mystics will tell you repeatedly, "Love is the answer." These wise ones have a point, but love, my friends, is not for the faint of heart. Love is a courageous, faith-filled step.
And love, like faith, is an action word; it is a verb that calls for us to take steps, like surrender and acceptance.
"Surrender to love is the hardest damn work I have ever done in my life. Put me working in prisons to teach murderers how to give good massages or give me women who haven't slept without nightmares in ten years, but don't ask me to be open and receive tender loving care of someone who is going to know all my dirty laundry and stick around anyway!
"Why is it so hard? Well, I guess I've just been on the road so long I don't know the difference between my feet and my boots and here comes someone to offer a foot rub and I gotta' feel how tired my feet are and how long I've been wanting some good touch and lay down all those other times of disappointment and confusion and let this in without overwhelming myself or anyone else with grief and longing. I didn't learn how to do this at home or school. Did you? It takes a combination of mercy and love we give ourselves."
— John Calvi, from "True Love" in The Friends Journal, 1992, as quoted in the "Heron Dance Book of Love and Gratitude"
Don't John Calvi's words take your breath away? This is a man who knows that love is not only a surrender of self; it is also unconditional. Love, that high-octane love with a capital "L," asks us to accept without qualifiers. Bank accounts, hairlines and waistlines are not the issue. It is acceptance, total, complete, uncomplicated, all-of-you and all-of-me acceptance that is necessary to walk this path.
Light and shadow, child and adult, broken and healed, all aspects of our complicated, multifaceted, highly evolved and yet still-in-denial selves are called forth in every relationship in which we choose to consider love.
The wounded parts will war with the wounded parts. Will you hurt me? Reject me? Abandon me? Can I trust you?
It takes guts to lower our defenses, show our authentic faces and speak our truth. It is a daring step to metaphorically stand naked before another in all of our vulnerable glory. And, yet, when we share communion, be it of table, telephone or bed, with another, there is this portal of transformation that is available. This portal allows our radiance to come forth, and in all that sparkliness, I can see the divine in you, and you can see the divine in me.
Unconditional love is the path of the soul. Really, there is no other work at hand; simply (as if it really were that simple) learn to love wholly, which, of course, becomes holy.
And that promise of unconditional love begins at home. Therefore, whether you are coupled or childless, have 26 rings of relatives or are totally alone, Valentine's Day can still work for you. Surrender to your own wonderfulness, at least for the day. It can't hurt, and, who knows, it could become a lovely new habit.
And in keeping with the spirit of the day, dear reader, I send you an etheric chocolate heart and a bunch of happy tulips in gratitude. You have accepted me and, in that acceptance, my soul has dared to step forth. Happy Valentine's Day!
— — —
Dr. Adele Ryan McDowell, Ph.D., is a psychologist, empath and shaman who likes looking at life with the big viewfinder. Her email address is {email ARMCDOWELL@aol.com}ARMCDOWELL@aol.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Adele Ryan McDowell.
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