Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 12:12am
Experiencing life without expectations
Column: PERFECTBALANCELIFE
It is absolutely necessary that you live your life without any expectations. Some people say such a goal is like asking a leopard to remove its spots. I don't think so. As soon as you expect something from life, you are placing yourself in the position of God, and this is a sin. When you sin, you are not able to see clearly what is going on inside you or around you. We are all challenged to meet life moment by moment without any preconceived notions or expectations. This kind of attitude is easily recognizable in the behavior of children. Children can teach us much about how to live without expectations. Jesus admonishes his adult disciples to model the behavior of children if they want to live in the kingdom: "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3).
Children know only one way to respond to life, and that is with pure eyes and an open heart. Growing children place no value judgments on themselves or others. They simply live their life moment to moment, in eager anticipation of the next experience. Children love life because they are alive. They place no expectations on what life will present to them. Children naturally respond to their environment with no special agenda or strategy, and this is why we can so easily love and appreciate them.
Children seem not to mind looking silly or making mistakes in front of other people. Children are readily able to take risks without being sure of the outcome, such as when their parents ask them to take their first step standing upright. We let go of them, step back, hold our arms and call them to us. There they stand, unsure of what is coming. They stare back at us, hesitate ... and then take the plunge. Plop! They hit the floor with a thud. But then, right back up they come, ready to take another shot at it, eager to get it right. How beautiful.
Children learning to speak let non-intelligent sounds, syllables and whatever else comes out to represent language, with no regard to whether or not it makes sense or sounds right.
Children have an implicit trust that we, as parents, will do them no harm and have only their best interests in mind. They open their heart and mind to us naturally, without any resistance.
Children love their parents not because of what they think they have done for them, for they cannot possibly be aware of the sacrifices made, but as a spontaneous response to life that wells up from within their heart.
Children at play totally invest themselves in the activity, giving their full and undivided attention to the business at hand. During such times of play children are content and at peace with themselves and their surroundings.
I believe that when we place all sorts of expectations on ourselves and others, we are pulling ourselves away from an innocent and pure response to life in its fullness. When you think about it, what all the great faith traditions are asking of us is nothing else than to be like children in our approach to life. These traditions encourage us to be pure, innocent, fully engaged with life, trusting, courageous, bold, happy, joyful, filled with love, and at peace. "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3).
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Jack LaValley is a practitioner of the martial arts, physical cultivation exercises, and sitting meditation. Although currently working in the hospitality industry, he spends much of his free time helping and working together with those who are pursuing the spiritual path. Jack and his wife, Wha-ja Oh-LaValley, a native of South Korea, reside in Westchester County, New York, and are the proud parents of three beautiful children. Jack is completing his book manuscript, "A Perfectly Balanced Life: Living Each Day with Wisdom and Strength," and expects publication to be in October 2008. You can reach Jack at: perfectbalance1@optimum.net © Copyright 2008 by Jack LaValley.
Children know only one way to respond to life, and that is with pure eyes and an open heart. Growing children place no value judgments on themselves or others. They simply live their life moment to moment, in eager anticipation of the next experience. Children love life because they are alive. They place no expectations on what life will present to them. Children naturally respond to their environment with no special agenda or strategy, and this is why we can so easily love and appreciate them.
Children seem not to mind looking silly or making mistakes in front of other people. Children are readily able to take risks without being sure of the outcome, such as when their parents ask them to take their first step standing upright. We let go of them, step back, hold our arms and call them to us. There they stand, unsure of what is coming. They stare back at us, hesitate ... and then take the plunge. Plop! They hit the floor with a thud. But then, right back up they come, ready to take another shot at it, eager to get it right. How beautiful.
Children learning to speak let non-intelligent sounds, syllables and whatever else comes out to represent language, with no regard to whether or not it makes sense or sounds right.
Children have an implicit trust that we, as parents, will do them no harm and have only their best interests in mind. They open their heart and mind to us naturally, without any resistance.
Children love their parents not because of what they think they have done for them, for they cannot possibly be aware of the sacrifices made, but as a spontaneous response to life that wells up from within their heart.
Children at play totally invest themselves in the activity, giving their full and undivided attention to the business at hand. During such times of play children are content and at peace with themselves and their surroundings.
I believe that when we place all sorts of expectations on ourselves and others, we are pulling ourselves away from an innocent and pure response to life in its fullness. When you think about it, what all the great faith traditions are asking of us is nothing else than to be like children in our approach to life. These traditions encourage us to be pure, innocent, fully engaged with life, trusting, courageous, bold, happy, joyful, filled with love, and at peace. "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3).
— — —
Jack LaValley is a practitioner of the martial arts, physical cultivation exercises, and sitting meditation. Although currently working in the hospitality industry, he spends much of his free time helping and working together with those who are pursuing the spiritual path. Jack and his wife, Wha-ja Oh-LaValley, a native of South Korea, reside in Westchester County, New York, and are the proud parents of three beautiful children. Jack is completing his book manuscript, "A Perfectly Balanced Life: Living Each Day with Wisdom and Strength," and expects publication to be in October 2008. You can reach Jack at: perfectbalance1@optimum.net © Copyright 2008 by Jack LaValley.