Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 1:01am
Vilifying others to excuse your bad behavior
Column: PERFECTBALANCELIFE
Do you ever wonder why you have a tendency to criticize other people? Whenever we speak ill of others, it is very likely that we are simply covering up our own inadequacies. One of the most disruptive behaviors of human beings is our willingness to speak ill of others without any desire to help the person be better. Authentic faith traditions and spiritual disciplines consistently admonish their disciples about the negative consequences associated with this kind of behavior. Developing the habit of encouraging and uplifting others is the most effective way to resolve this darker side of human nature. Are you up to the task?
Presidential elections seem to be a time when people actively practice vilifying and slandering people. It's amazing how much venom and ill will are passed around during election season. In the 2000 presidential election I was teaching at a middle school in New England, where most of the teaching staff was determined to elect the Democratic candidate, Al Gore. The last few days before the election were particularly intense. During this time I was amazed at the level of demonizing that occurred about Bush and Gore, depending on one's political persuasion.
Many teachers at this school where I taught painted a picture of Bush as the most hideous and malevolent man ever to have walked the earth. To them, a Bush presidency would result in plunging the entire human race into the Dark Ages. Any individual wanting to vote for Bush was characterized as someone wanting to support barbarism and war. For these Democrats it was inconceivable that any rational person would consider for one second casting a vote for Bush. I found such conversations fascinating and also disturbing.
One morning, during a break in between classes, I was talking with one of the teachers about Bush. This guy went on and on about all the terrible motives and inclinations of Bush until suddenly I blurted out: Hey, when someone keeps talking about how bad a candidate is, without finding any redeeming qualities in that person, then I think they are doing this as a way to avoid examining their own motives and character. This teacher just paused, stared back at me in silence for a moment and replied, "Ya know, maybe you're right. But not in this case, not in the case of George W. Bush."
When we strongly feel the urge to demonize, tear down or belittle someone, it behooves us to step back, take a deep breath, and examine our underlying attitudes and motives. Through this process we can protect our soul and continue to nurture our spirituality. Without doing this, we will easily find fault with others. We will forget that much of what upsets us and makes us feel "holier than thou" is our lack of self-awareness about our own foibles and shortcomings. Walking the spiritual path requires us to be different from ordinary people. And by ordinary people, I mean those people who have no qualms about badmouthing others, seeking to profit from their mistakes, and relishing in the misfortunes of others. People in this space have little or nothing to offer others in terms of encouragement and hope.
If you are being challenged in this particular area right now, here are some suggestions to resolve this kind of behavior:
Read and meditate on the following biblical passages:
- Proverbs 11:12: "He who belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent."
- Proverbs 16:24: "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
Take time each morning before you leave the house to reflect on your relationships with others. Check your feelings very carefully. How are you thinking and feeling about the people you know? Do you find yourself criticizing any of them in your mind? Are you quick to find fault with them? If so, realize that you are in a dangerous place, spiritually.
Make a plan to monitor for one week your internal thoughts and feelings about people. Objectively step back and listen to what your internal voice is saying about them. Observe the words that come out of your mouth when you start to speak about someone. Just listen and observe.
Offering words of encouragement to others and cultivating genuine hope within our own heart are key indicators of a spiritually rich life. As soon as you are made aware that you are tearing people down and speaking ill of others, with no intention or desire to help the person get better, know right in that moment that you are veering off the spiritual path. Know that such behavior is likely covering up a multitude of sins that you are committing against self and others. Are you up to the task?
— — —
Jack LaValley is a practitioner of the martial arts, physical cultivation exercises, and sitting meditation. Although currently working in the hospitality industry, he spends much of his free time helping and working together with those who are pursuing the spiritual path. Jack and his wife, Wha-ja Oh-LaValley, a native of South Korea, reside in Westchester County, New York, and are the proud parents of three beautiful children. Jack is completing his book manuscript, "A Perfectly Balanced Life: Living Each Day with Wisdom and Strength," and expects publication to be in October 2008. You can reach Jack at: perfectbalance1@optimum.net © Copyright 2008 by Jack LaValley.
Presidential elections seem to be a time when people actively practice vilifying and slandering people. It's amazing how much venom and ill will are passed around during election season. In the 2000 presidential election I was teaching at a middle school in New England, where most of the teaching staff was determined to elect the Democratic candidate, Al Gore. The last few days before the election were particularly intense. During this time I was amazed at the level of demonizing that occurred about Bush and Gore, depending on one's political persuasion.
Many teachers at this school where I taught painted a picture of Bush as the most hideous and malevolent man ever to have walked the earth. To them, a Bush presidency would result in plunging the entire human race into the Dark Ages. Any individual wanting to vote for Bush was characterized as someone wanting to support barbarism and war. For these Democrats it was inconceivable that any rational person would consider for one second casting a vote for Bush. I found such conversations fascinating and also disturbing.
One morning, during a break in between classes, I was talking with one of the teachers about Bush. This guy went on and on about all the terrible motives and inclinations of Bush until suddenly I blurted out: Hey, when someone keeps talking about how bad a candidate is, without finding any redeeming qualities in that person, then I think they are doing this as a way to avoid examining their own motives and character. This teacher just paused, stared back at me in silence for a moment and replied, "Ya know, maybe you're right. But not in this case, not in the case of George W. Bush."
When we strongly feel the urge to demonize, tear down or belittle someone, it behooves us to step back, take a deep breath, and examine our underlying attitudes and motives. Through this process we can protect our soul and continue to nurture our spirituality. Without doing this, we will easily find fault with others. We will forget that much of what upsets us and makes us feel "holier than thou" is our lack of self-awareness about our own foibles and shortcomings. Walking the spiritual path requires us to be different from ordinary people. And by ordinary people, I mean those people who have no qualms about badmouthing others, seeking to profit from their mistakes, and relishing in the misfortunes of others. People in this space have little or nothing to offer others in terms of encouragement and hope.
If you are being challenged in this particular area right now, here are some suggestions to resolve this kind of behavior:
Read and meditate on the following biblical passages:
- Proverbs 11:12: "He who belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent."
- Proverbs 16:24: "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
Take time each morning before you leave the house to reflect on your relationships with others. Check your feelings very carefully. How are you thinking and feeling about the people you know? Do you find yourself criticizing any of them in your mind? Are you quick to find fault with them? If so, realize that you are in a dangerous place, spiritually.
Make a plan to monitor for one week your internal thoughts and feelings about people. Objectively step back and listen to what your internal voice is saying about them. Observe the words that come out of your mouth when you start to speak about someone. Just listen and observe.
Offering words of encouragement to others and cultivating genuine hope within our own heart are key indicators of a spiritually rich life. As soon as you are made aware that you are tearing people down and speaking ill of others, with no intention or desire to help the person get better, know right in that moment that you are veering off the spiritual path. Know that such behavior is likely covering up a multitude of sins that you are committing against self and others. Are you up to the task?
— — —
Jack LaValley is a practitioner of the martial arts, physical cultivation exercises, and sitting meditation. Although currently working in the hospitality industry, he spends much of his free time helping and working together with those who are pursuing the spiritual path. Jack and his wife, Wha-ja Oh-LaValley, a native of South Korea, reside in Westchester County, New York, and are the proud parents of three beautiful children. Jack is completing his book manuscript, "A Perfectly Balanced Life: Living Each Day with Wisdom and Strength," and expects publication to be in October 2008. You can reach Jack at: perfectbalance1@optimum.net © Copyright 2008 by Jack LaValley.