God, I need your help.

I realize that, once again, I am stuck. Like an anchor in the mud, I am bolted to my current habit patterns. I am like a junkie mainlining the old and the familiar. I say I want to create change. I say I want to go forward. I say I want to be present to my path, but I seem to busy myself with a thousand other details.

Who knew there were so many "Law and Order" reruns? Who knew that I could edit the spam settings on my computer? And the flowers need to be watered; the calls returned; and on and on it goes with life doing life. I'm busy; I am just not focused on my priority.

I promise myself that tomorrow or Monday or the first of the month I will create the space and time to do what I know is the next right step. Yet, I am embarrassed to admit that I find myself like the kid who puts her fingers in her ears and repeatedly intones, "La, la, la, la." I am ignoring what I know to be my truth.

Why don't I do what I say I want to do? I believe what I say; there is no cognitive dissonance. I just don't take the action steps I know I need to take.

I am feeling a bit like Charlie Brown and want to yell, "Arrgh." Once again, I have created my own stewpot of misery.

I think you would recognize this state as one of resistance, that ever-familiar 10-letter word that I know is a form of fear.

And, Good God, haven't we been through this drill countless times? Why am I so damn stubborn, reluctant and the Queen of Procrastination and Postponed Starts? Why do I keep treading water along my path with my very own resistance water-wings? Why is it that I refuse to take the plunge?

Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle writes: "Resistance is an inner contraction, a hardening of the shell of the ego. You are closed." Tolle is right. Resistance does feel like a hunkered-down, no-forward-movement position on the path. However, if everything, and I mean everything, including the ego, is all part and parcel of the divine, isn't it possible that resistance serves a purpose?

There was some wise person who once said, "What we resist, we already own." I like that thinking for several reasons. First, it makes me feel less awful about myself. Second, it intimates that resistance is a temporary state of stop. It says I will reach that destination point beyond resistance, but before I proceed to go, I need to stop momentarily.

I realize that resistance, when protracted, ignored and not addressed, can become a huge smoke screen of denial and avoidance. Confucius reminded us, "Moderation in all things," and that holds true for resistance as well. As I said earlier, resistance is a temporary state of stop.

But let's get clear: Is stopping so terrible? Am I a failure because I am afraid on some level, and I have a need to stop? Have I wasted my life and done harm to my process?

Isn't the spiritual path a continuum of consciousness? Aren't we all here to learn and awake from the sleepy unconscious? Aren't some of us bright and chipper in the morning; whereas others of us need a hot shower, some caffeine and no conversation to become awake? We are all different in how we awake and how we learn; the path of consciousness is no exception.

Further, I am a big believer that nothing happens a minute sooner or a minute later until it is meant to happen. I don't think any of us can force the hand of God. We can accelerate and hinder our path by the choices we make. And, yes, resistance is a choice, often a default choice, until we feel ready enough to take the requisite steps.

And readiness is certainly subjective. Do we force our children when they are not ready? Usually we don't, because the results backfire in our faces. And, more often that not, parents choose to respect their child's present place on the developmental scale. Unless you are a bulb who is forced to grow prematurely, growth is difficult to manipulate.

Perhaps resistance is a kind of reflex, protective mechanism. It allows us to gather our wits, calm our fears and soothe our egos. Resistance allows us to reground and center ourselves. We can get back into our bodies and out of our heads where the fears have been running amok playing hide-and-seek in the dark.

Resistance is a preparatory step; it's the baby step until the need for protection, safety or reassurance dissipates.

On the personality level, when we have emotionally and cognitively put ourselves in a coherent state, we can feel readied and prepared. On the soul level, we can choose to surrender to the divine. In that release, we can find godly alignment and from that place, fear is usually a non-issue.

I am coming to realize that resistance can serve as an act of self-care. It can be viewed as a developmental step akin to children regressing to an earlier behavior before a growth spurt. Resistance becomes the gateway to trust and surrender.

Resistance requires that we pay heed to the small quiet, afraid voice. The resistance process teaches us about ourselves; it helps us to call in the fractured or disenfranchised parts and move toward wholeness. That sounds like healing to me.

And, once we are on the downside of resistance, we use our faith - faith in ourselves, faith in the divine — to take the first, faltering step. That sounds positive.

God, does this make sense? I realize that many of my comparisons have been to children, and I guess that really says it all. I am still learning and developing. No doubt, I will continue to hit plateaus of resistance along the way, but now I choose to see resistance as a stopping point for playing catch-up with my soul. I choose to treat myself more lovingly, and, as You well know, that seems to take the edge off.

Thanks for listening, God. I feel better.

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Dr. Adele Ryan McDowell, Ph.D., is a psychologist, empath and shaman who likes looking at life with the big viewfinder. Her email address is {email ARMCDOWELL@aol.com}ARMCDOWELL@aol.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Adele Ryan McDowell.