Death is a great mystery that makes no sense. But then so is life. Even though we know that you can't have one without the other — birth forecasts death — we still possessively cling to one and abhor or deny the other. Death makes even less sense when the person who passes not only lived a full and productive life to the ultimate but exuded a zest for living until close to the end. That was true of my friend Robert Sorensen, who died of cancer on Feb. 22 at age 84.

I met Robert (he firmly announced at age 4 that he was Robert, not "Bob") after I came to Marymount Manhattan College in 1993 to direct a program in the Psychology Department and Continuing Education. Soon after, I joined the founding committee of a new program for age 50-plus retirees called The Center For Learning and Living. For a small fee, students could take a number of courses by volunteer faculty, many of whom were world-class teachers from outstanding universities and the business world — like Robert Sorensen. His courses on "The Joys and Tragedies of Humor," "The Just and the Unjust," "Values and Ideologies in Conflict" and a number of other lofty subjects were big hits noted for his penetrating intelligence, mischievous wit, and Renaissance command of knowledge which he could deliver in delectable, easy-to-digest, provocative bites.

Then, in an odd coincidence, I was thumbing through a life span textbook that I wrote in 1978 when I came across a full-page summary of a landmark study of adolescent sexuality by none other than Robert Sorensen. So I knew Robert before I knew him.

Growing up in Lincoln, Neb., in family that was steeped in law — his father was the Depression-era attorney general of Nebraska — Robert, not surprisingly, melded his interest in sociology with law. His doctoral dissertation at the University of Chicago was on "The Role of Public Sentiment and Personal Prejudice in Jury Trials of Criminal Cases." Robert moved on to numerous prominent positions that were offshoots of his interests and training. Law and sociology would frame his professional life. His first position was assistant professor at the University of Nebraska College of Law in 1948 — the only sociologist at the law school. Next he joined the Operations Research Office at Johns Hopkins University, where he applied sociology to military, economic and political problems. Later he worked on psychological warfare efforts for the U.S. Army in Korea. In 1954 he moved with his wife, Marjorie and two small children to Munich, Germany, for five years as director of audience research and analysis for Radio Free Europe. After that he settled in New York City, where he worked for This Week Magazine, then as vice president and corporate director at D'Arcy Advertising, followed by director of marketing at Warner Communications. In 1968 he founded his own company, Sorensen Marketing/Management Corp., which pioneered in the application of public opinion research techniques to trademark infringement and intellectual property issues. While managing his company, he also was professor of marketing at Rider University from 1981 to 1993.

A rich and comprehensive professional life! Yet at the memorial service last Saturday, his impressive professional work history slipped into the background. What stepped forward from the remembrances was the man himself and his inspiring presence. At the end, what we honor and respect are not so much the formal achievements or material accomplishments but the impact on people — the contributions that are off the main radar screen that traditionally define who we are.

That was most notable when Robert's younger brother Ted came to the podium to remember his beloved brother. Theodore Sorensen, who had achieved great renown as special counsel, adviser and legendary speechwriter for President John F. Kennedy, was now speaking just as a younger sibling who grew up in awe of his big brother. That feeling never subsided: Robert continued to be his lifelong mentor and friend — and "the trail blazer" who was the first in the family to move to New York City. Robert's two sons, Chris and David, echoed those sentiments. David added that Robert was not the traditional father who always showed up at the soccer games and school productions. David sometimes felt bad about that as he was growing up. But when he entered adolescence and grasped who his father was, along with his wisdom and caring guidance, the sense of awe never ceased.

And that word "awe," as well as "inspiring, wise, dedicated and playful," came up over and over from speakers representing organizations and people impacted by Robert's presence and contributions: Childreach/Plan International, the Scandinavian seminar, The Institute on Religion in the Age of Science, The Center for Advanced Studies of Religion and Science, Primary Stages Theater Company, and Scandinavian Seminar College, to name a few.

Ten months ago Robert invited my wife and me to join him and Marge at a special performance and reception at Primary Stages. I was quite astonished that they were going out that evening. There had been warnings of a stormy night — Robert was having difficulty getting around and Marge, as well, was recovering from a physical injury. But from past experiences, I was well acquainted with the Sorensen mantra: "March on."

Just 12 days before he died, I got to speak to Robert on the phone. It almost sounded like the old Robert — he commented on politics and a number of other subjects. We frequently exchanged emails on issues and traded interesting websites and unusual news items. When I mentioned that his brother Ted was quoted a few days earlier in a New York Times column, he wanted to know all the details — the section, the page number, etc. That spark of life was on automatic — it was his default operating system that would not easily surrender.

Marge said that receiving guests at the memorial service was a homecoming. She and Robert had met over six decades earlier at a Universalist Church in Lincoln, Neb., and now she was celebrating Robert's life in the magnificent All Souls Universalist Church in New York City. "We had 65 wonderful years together, and that's something to celebrate, not mourn," she said. Then she added, with a look of determination, that she was dedicated to focusing on the positive. She shared Robert's quality of fierce positive living despite adversity.

All we can hope for in the mysterious journey through the brief moment we have on this planet is a good life — and that will define a good death. Such was the life and death of Robert Sorensen.

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Bernard Starr, Ph.D., formerly professor of developmental and educational psychology at the City University of New York, now teaches "Spirituality in Film" and leads "The Spiritual Forum" at Marymount Manhattan College. In addition to his work in radio, he is a longtime contributor of commentary and opinion articles to numerous major publications. He is also the president of the Association for Spirituality and Psychotherapy and is the main United Nations representative for the Institute of Global Education that founded the Mucherla Global School in Mucherla, India. His book "Escape Your Own Prison: Why We Need Spirituality and Psychology to be Truly Free" is published by Rowman & Littlefield (October 2007). He can be reached at: {email OmniCns@aol.com}OmniCns@aol.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Bernard Starr.