Thursday, March 13, 2008 at 2:02am
Happiness comes in bites
Column: Unclutter Your Life
A friend shared that she finds it challenging to switch from a negative, unhappy mode (her usual habit) to a positive, happy mode (her preferred habit) and gets frustrated when she feels anything other than what she desires. My response was to remind her about her fairly recent decision to lose weight. Just as she didn't decide how much her target amount to lose was then see it happen by the next day, week or month, neither should she expect to switch "gears" overnight. She'll accomplish choosing to feel better more readily (and easily) if she chooses to do so one moment at a time, just as she approached her new way of eating one bite at a time.
I also reminded her that when an event or situation happens that's more serious or causes sadness, we have to watch that we don't judge ourselves for feeling our emotions or resist feeling them in the initial stages. We have a right to feel what we feel. We also have the ability to choose to respond rather than react.
One of her key emotional concerns is anger. Anger is a useful emotion in that it brings our attention to something that's out of balance and needs our attention. We don't want to eliminate anger; we do want to learn how to manage and use it productively.
We also talked about emotional "triggers." Our triggers are ingrained in us by the age of 7. One of the best things I ever did for myself was to be honest about the fact that I get triggered into negativity. However, over the years I've been diligent about discovering which tools or new "programs" help me move more quickly into a positive state of being. We don't necessarily delete our old programs as we do on computers, but we can install new ones. This process then begins to look like this:
- We get triggered into an emotion.
- We train ourselves to recognize we've been triggered.
- Take a moment to honor rather than judge ourselves for these feelings.
- Self-remind that we have a new program installed, then engage it.
- Take appropriate action, whether at the inner or outer level or both, that leads to head and heart alignment.
Sometimes the most appropriate action is no action, because we feel at a loss about what to do. That's not a problem or fault; it's honest. When you experience this, tell yourself you may not know right now, but as soon as you do, you'll do what's needed.
My friend has a dog. I suggested she remember to be as kind and understanding with herself as she would with her beloved four-legged family member; to offer herself the same level of guidance and looking out for her best interests as she would for her puppy. She would never treat her pet the way she treats herself.
I recall wise words given to me years ago: Treat yourself the same way you'd polish silver ... gently.
— — —
Joyce Shafer is a life empowerment coach and author of "I Don't Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say" as well as "How to Have What You Really Want" and contributor of articles to various publications. She's also a free-lance proofreader, editor and rewriter for fiction and non-fiction writers. Shafer can be emailed at {email jls1422@yahoo.com}jls1422@yahoo.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Joyce Shafer.
I also reminded her that when an event or situation happens that's more serious or causes sadness, we have to watch that we don't judge ourselves for feeling our emotions or resist feeling them in the initial stages. We have a right to feel what we feel. We also have the ability to choose to respond rather than react.
One of her key emotional concerns is anger. Anger is a useful emotion in that it brings our attention to something that's out of balance and needs our attention. We don't want to eliminate anger; we do want to learn how to manage and use it productively.
We also talked about emotional "triggers." Our triggers are ingrained in us by the age of 7. One of the best things I ever did for myself was to be honest about the fact that I get triggered into negativity. However, over the years I've been diligent about discovering which tools or new "programs" help me move more quickly into a positive state of being. We don't necessarily delete our old programs as we do on computers, but we can install new ones. This process then begins to look like this:
- We get triggered into an emotion.
- We train ourselves to recognize we've been triggered.
- Take a moment to honor rather than judge ourselves for these feelings.
- Self-remind that we have a new program installed, then engage it.
- Take appropriate action, whether at the inner or outer level or both, that leads to head and heart alignment.
Sometimes the most appropriate action is no action, because we feel at a loss about what to do. That's not a problem or fault; it's honest. When you experience this, tell yourself you may not know right now, but as soon as you do, you'll do what's needed.
My friend has a dog. I suggested she remember to be as kind and understanding with herself as she would with her beloved four-legged family member; to offer herself the same level of guidance and looking out for her best interests as she would for her puppy. She would never treat her pet the way she treats herself.
I recall wise words given to me years ago: Treat yourself the same way you'd polish silver ... gently.
— — —
Joyce Shafer is a life empowerment coach and author of "I Don't Want to be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say" as well as "How to Have What You Really Want" and contributor of articles to various publications. She's also a free-lance proofreader, editor and rewriter for fiction and non-fiction writers. Shafer can be emailed at {email jls1422@yahoo.com}jls1422@yahoo.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Joyce Shafer.