Wednesday, March 19, 2008 at 12:12am
I still believe in marriage
Column: Love, God and Sex
Natalie Angier, who writes about human behavior for The New York Times, published a piece recently about the prevalence of promiscuity across species. Angier demonstrates how promiscuity is the norm in most species. Pairs mate and bond, but only as long as the offspring remain helpless. In other words, pairs don't bond for a lifetime. There are exceptions to the rule, of course. There's even evidence that homosexuality is prevalent in some species, as in the story about the two male penguins who raised an abandoned baby penguin.
But I still believe in the kind of marriage that Allison and Joe DuBois have. Allison is the real-life psychic medium brilliantly played by Patricia Arquette on the NBC television show "Medium." In addition to life's normal stressors, Allison's ability to receive messages from the dead adds another layer of stress. She and Joe contend with three growing daughters; they have financial problems and sick relatives. Allison also awakes in the middle of the night from dreams about murders, murderers and victims. Some of the dreams are particularly gruesome, even disturbing. She's able to air all her dreams to Joe, who helps her sort out the truth in the dreams' symbolism. At the end of the show's hour, inevitably she's revealed the killer's identity.
Of course, Joe is depicted as the perfect man. Who wouldn't want a husband who takes the girls to school, picks them up, cooks dinner, and listens to his wife's dreams? He even helps her solve mysteries. He's also the perfect dad. His two eldest daughters have inherited their mom's gift. When Joe's middle daughter has a dream that a credit card customer service rep was going to be a victim of a break-in to his home, Joe spent time tracking down the rep - in India - to ease his daughters' worry.
And, by the way, right now Joe is out of work. Allison was outed as a medium. Mediums are still regarded as charlatans. Allison's notoriety cost her boss, the Phoenix DA, his job as well as her own. Since then she has been finding work as a psychic very sparse.
Whoever is writing the show is doing a brilliant job. A visceral sense of commitment to family and to partnership oozes through each episode. The thing that gets Allison and Joe through each week's drama is their love for each other. And they have hot sex.
Just about every psychology study about well-being shows that social support contributes significantly to people's health and happiness. Giving and receiving love is like getting a shot of the most potent drug in the world. Love releases dopamine, which is the pleasure neurotransmitter. Love also releases oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone.
That's why I believe in marriage. A pair-bond is the foundation on which our species is based. I once took a political science class. The teacher spoke about the family as the elemental political unit. Think about it: The family is the basic form of relationship in which differences need to be worked out.
It appears that people who mate for life are becoming a minority. Fewer than half of all marriages last beyond 15 years. It also appears, according to Angier's article, that most species do not mate for life. In fact, some of them engage in what would be called exchanging "favors" for sex. When a male shrike wants to mate, he brings his intended delicacies such as insects or small rodents. If the male shrike wants to have an extramarital affair, he brings his potential mistress even more impressive delicacies.
But humans can grow, and that's what I see in Joe and Allison's idyllic marriage. It's also the kind of marriage I've had with Larry. I love the term "pledging your troth" to your spouse. Troth is a variation in spelling of the word "truth." As Eckhart Tolle and hundreds of other mystics, seers, authors and spiritual teachers have said, your troth or your truth is that you are Divine! You are the I AM THAT I AM Presence that created the universe.
A recent Creations Magazine cover photo showed two penguins standing side by side, their wings outstretched towards each other and touching, as if they were holding hands. The caption under the photo read, "Partnership is the Way!"
A marriage first and foremost is a partnership. For me it's been a path to the liberation of Presence and an experience of bliss. Did that experience come easily? No, but it's been my first priority. There's nothing like living 24/7 with someone who reminds you constantly of Jesus' injunction to "love one another." It can be work, but to me, it's the best job in the entire universe!
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, "A Chorus of Wisdom," is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.
But I still believe in the kind of marriage that Allison and Joe DuBois have. Allison is the real-life psychic medium brilliantly played by Patricia Arquette on the NBC television show "Medium." In addition to life's normal stressors, Allison's ability to receive messages from the dead adds another layer of stress. She and Joe contend with three growing daughters; they have financial problems and sick relatives. Allison also awakes in the middle of the night from dreams about murders, murderers and victims. Some of the dreams are particularly gruesome, even disturbing. She's able to air all her dreams to Joe, who helps her sort out the truth in the dreams' symbolism. At the end of the show's hour, inevitably she's revealed the killer's identity.
Of course, Joe is depicted as the perfect man. Who wouldn't want a husband who takes the girls to school, picks them up, cooks dinner, and listens to his wife's dreams? He even helps her solve mysteries. He's also the perfect dad. His two eldest daughters have inherited their mom's gift. When Joe's middle daughter has a dream that a credit card customer service rep was going to be a victim of a break-in to his home, Joe spent time tracking down the rep - in India - to ease his daughters' worry.
And, by the way, right now Joe is out of work. Allison was outed as a medium. Mediums are still regarded as charlatans. Allison's notoriety cost her boss, the Phoenix DA, his job as well as her own. Since then she has been finding work as a psychic very sparse.
Whoever is writing the show is doing a brilliant job. A visceral sense of commitment to family and to partnership oozes through each episode. The thing that gets Allison and Joe through each week's drama is their love for each other. And they have hot sex.
Just about every psychology study about well-being shows that social support contributes significantly to people's health and happiness. Giving and receiving love is like getting a shot of the most potent drug in the world. Love releases dopamine, which is the pleasure neurotransmitter. Love also releases oxytocin, which is the bonding hormone.
That's why I believe in marriage. A pair-bond is the foundation on which our species is based. I once took a political science class. The teacher spoke about the family as the elemental political unit. Think about it: The family is the basic form of relationship in which differences need to be worked out.
It appears that people who mate for life are becoming a minority. Fewer than half of all marriages last beyond 15 years. It also appears, according to Angier's article, that most species do not mate for life. In fact, some of them engage in what would be called exchanging "favors" for sex. When a male shrike wants to mate, he brings his intended delicacies such as insects or small rodents. If the male shrike wants to have an extramarital affair, he brings his potential mistress even more impressive delicacies.
But humans can grow, and that's what I see in Joe and Allison's idyllic marriage. It's also the kind of marriage I've had with Larry. I love the term "pledging your troth" to your spouse. Troth is a variation in spelling of the word "truth." As Eckhart Tolle and hundreds of other mystics, seers, authors and spiritual teachers have said, your troth or your truth is that you are Divine! You are the I AM THAT I AM Presence that created the universe.
A recent Creations Magazine cover photo showed two penguins standing side by side, their wings outstretched towards each other and touching, as if they were holding hands. The caption under the photo read, "Partnership is the Way!"
A marriage first and foremost is a partnership. For me it's been a path to the liberation of Presence and an experience of bliss. Did that experience come easily? No, but it's been my first priority. There's nothing like living 24/7 with someone who reminds you constantly of Jesus' injunction to "love one another." It can be work, but to me, it's the best job in the entire universe!
— — —
Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University's Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, "A Chorus of Wisdom," is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky.