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Posted: March 20th, 2008 at 1:23am By: Joyce Shafer
The Law of Attraction states that whatever we hold our focus — specifically, our emotionally charged feelings - on is what we get more of, even if it's not what we desire. It's easy to relate this to a better job, more money, and all the improvements we typically seek to expand into our lives. If you're familiar with "The Secret," the law also applies to relationships.
When we're first introduced to information such as this, and even after working with it for years, we discover we have many issues and areas of our lives we wish to affect. Akin to separating like-colored marbles in a bag, we find we have to deal with each "color" one at a time in order to accomplish this.
I've been on a diligent path to address my "marbles," so matters are dealt with as they come to my attention. One in particular is a long-time relationship with someone who's been considered difficult. In the last several years, circumstances changed and her behaviors escalated to a point that people who needed to interact with her found they couldn't cope with her. They couldn't get her to understand how she was affecting those around her, so they began to avoid her. I was one of them. It was truly challenging for me to engage with her at any level; yet, I wasn't willing to give up.
One of my affirmations is "I EXPECT harmonious relationships." This got my attention during a morning meditation, and I asked myself, "How can you expect your relationship with her to be anything other than what it's been as long as you have her fixed in your mind as capable of only certain behaviors?"
I didn't give this a lot of thought. I simply chose in that moment to set her free from my imposed belief and expectation that she couldn't behave any other way. Nor did I envision her behaving as I'd like her to. I Let Her Be. We spoke the following week, and what happened might be called a miracle by some. After years of conversations I regarded as tortuous, we had the most pleasant conversation in decades. Within a few days, I received an email from someone whose experiences with this woman matched mine. His comments were that he'd just had a most remarkable conversation with her, unlike any he'd had with her in years; and he was stunned.
Our view of others can be so subtle in our consciousness that we don't realize how we affect our relationship with them. In setting her free, I set myself free, as well. After all, not all of my memories about this person are what we'd call negative ones. There are many, many positive ones. Since I've shifted my perception of her, more positive memories float into my consciousness and I embrace them. This is what's called Changing the Past. We don't actually change the past, but rather how we perceive or view it. The outcome is that doing this has changed the way I experience the present.
Set them free and you set yourself free.
— — —
Joyce Shafer is a life empowerment coach and author of "I Don't Want to Be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say", as well as "How to Have What You Really Want" and contributor of articles to various publications. She's also a free-lance proofreader, editor and rewriter for fiction and non-fiction writers. Shafer can be emailed at {email jls1422@yahoo.com}jls1422@yahoo.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Joyce Shafer.
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The Law of Attraction states that whatever we hold our focus — specifically, our emotionally charged feelings - on is what we get more of, even if it's not what we desire. It's easy to relate this to a better job, more money, and all the improvements we typically seek to expand into our lives. If you're familiar with "The Secret," the law also applies to relationships.
When we're first introduced to information such as this, and even after working with it for years, we discover we have many issues and areas of our lives we wish to affect. Akin to separating like-colored marbles in a bag, we find we have to deal with each "color" one at a time in order to accomplish this.
I've been on a diligent path to address my "marbles," so matters are dealt with as they come to my attention. One in particular is a long-time relationship with someone who's been considered difficult. In the last several years, circumstances changed and her behaviors escalated to a point that people who needed to interact with her found they couldn't cope with her. They couldn't get her to understand how she was affecting those around her, so they began to avoid her. I was one of them. It was truly challenging for me to engage with her at any level; yet, I wasn't willing to give up.
One of my affirmations is "I EXPECT harmonious relationships." This got my attention during a morning meditation, and I asked myself, "How can you expect your relationship with her to be anything other than what it's been as long as you have her fixed in your mind as capable of only certain behaviors?"
I didn't give this a lot of thought. I simply chose in that moment to set her free from my imposed belief and expectation that she couldn't behave any other way. Nor did I envision her behaving as I'd like her to. I Let Her Be. We spoke the following week, and what happened might be called a miracle by some. After years of conversations I regarded as tortuous, we had the most pleasant conversation in decades. Within a few days, I received an email from someone whose experiences with this woman matched mine. His comments were that he'd just had a most remarkable conversation with her, unlike any he'd had with her in years; and he was stunned.
Our view of others can be so subtle in our consciousness that we don't realize how we affect our relationship with them. In setting her free, I set myself free, as well. After all, not all of my memories about this person are what we'd call negative ones. There are many, many positive ones. Since I've shifted my perception of her, more positive memories float into my consciousness and I embrace them. This is what's called Changing the Past. We don't actually change the past, but rather how we perceive or view it. The outcome is that doing this has changed the way I experience the present.
Set them free and you set yourself free.
— — —
Joyce Shafer is a life empowerment coach and author of "I Don't Want to Be Your Guru, But I Have Something to Say", as well as "How to Have What You Really Want" and contributor of articles to various publications. She's also a free-lance proofreader, editor and rewriter for fiction and non-fiction writers. Shafer can be emailed at {email jls1422@yahoo.com}jls1422@yahoo.com{/email}. © Copyright 2008 by Joyce Shafer.
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