Posted: April 15th, 2008 at 6:51pm By: Sorah Dubitsky
The other night Larry and I saw Steve Martin’s adaptation of the Carl Sternheim play, “The Underpants.” The play was quite funny; the cast, comprised of drama students, did a good job of capturing the mores and hypocrisies of Germany in 1910. In the story’s main plot line, the heroine’s underpants (drawstring bloomers) accidentally fell to her ankles while she was watching a passing parade for the Kaiser. She swiftly stepped out of them, scooped them up and bundled them under her cloak, but not before being seen by many in the throng. Her “accident” became the topic of scandal.

Her husband is a lout of a man; pompous, self-righteous, and completely unsexual. She was longing to be taken. Two of the male witnesses to her “accident” sought her out and requested lodging in the room she and her husband had available to rent. One of her suitors was a passionate, romantic poet who set her heart aflutter. The other suitor was a “nerdy” defender of her virtue. Of course, her husband knew none of this; he was intent on ravishing their female tenant who lived upstairs.

A key scene occurs in the dialog between the husband and the romantic suitor about what a real man is. The husband brings the dialog to a stop when he declares that a man isn’t a man until he takes care of someone.

Today it would seem that a man is defined by the size of his erection. A real man can stay hard for hours – even days – as the commercials would have us believe. Staying hard for hours says nothing of a man’s character. Who knows, even “Smiling Bob,” the ubiquitous symbol of prowess in the male enhancement commercials, may be a “putz,” a Yiddish word for the male member that really means "idiot."

There’s another Yiddish word that, to me, defines a real man. The word is Mensch. The word means man, but it really means an honorable man. To call someone a Mensch is to offer the ultimate compliment. A Mensch is responsible, keeps his word and his commitments. A Mensch may not have a lot of money, but he still digs into his pockets to scrape together some change for the homeless person begging on the corner.

One of my single middle-aged girlfriends told me recently that all the eligible men over 40 are taking male enhancers. She said that although they want to please the women they’re with, when they take the pills they get hard, stay hard, but they don’t have orgasms. In other words, for them, sex is about how they perform. Mechanically, they’re proficient, but that’s the point — they’re mechanical. The most important ingredient is missing: the caring that comes from an open heart.

Some research made the headlines recently about how men who are less good looking than their wives make better husbands. Very handsome men are always on the lookout for another conquest. Less handsome men put their women on a pedestal. Jackie and Ari Onassis and Sophia Loren and Carlo Ponti are excellent examples. I'm not saying that looks has anything to do with being a Mensch. What I am saying is that perhaps these men have opened their hearts so that they’re more sensitive, caring, and loving.

Of course women, as well, have to decide what’s important to them. Why are they having sex? Are they affirming their femininity, proving their own seductive powers, or seeking intimacy? The latter can only be found in a relationship with a Mensch.

So before asking if he’s packing Viagra, find out what’s in his heart. Is he a man who wants to be a caretaker, not necessarily in the sense of taking care of all your physical needs, but in the sense of taking care of your heart? Who do you want to share your bed time with: a man or a Mensch?

Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University’s Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, A Chorus of Wisdom is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to {email dr.sorah@drsorah.com}dr.sorah@drsorah.com{/email}. © copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky



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