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Yesterday I took a whole day off for myself. To say that this has been a difficult week would be something of an understatement. I knew I needed to rest and regroup. I tell others to remember the need for Sabbath rest. I absolutely believe in it, but more theoretically than in reality.
In reality, I feel guilty when I stop working for one whole day. There is always more to do – more folks to meet with, to pray with, more projects to plan, more phone calls to make. The “To Do” list forever looms large and haunting.
For years I tried adding down time to the “To Do” list. In the midst of reminders to prepare the Sunday bulletin, call so and so, pick up food for this meeting, visit that member in the hospital, I’d add “Sit still, do nothing,” or “Remember to breathe.”
Remember to breathe….now there’s a wise reminder, but it doesn’t tell me to stop altogether for one whole day. “Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy,” is one of the Ten Commandments that Jesus broke many times in order to heal the sick and help the lowly. As a follower of Jesus, aren’t I expected to always do good all of the time?
I’d love to blame scripture for my compulsion to never stop working, but even Jesus escaped to a quiet place to pray in solitude again and again. Can I afford not to do likewise?
The answer, of course, is No. I need a day off just as all of us do. Even God rested on the seventh day. And so, yesterday, I took a whole day off for myself.
But I still feel guilty about it.
I know that I needed it. I know that this kind of guilt tends to be an ego trip that says I’m supposed to be invincible, unstoppable, always doing good or better.
So I’m facing my hidden feelings of guilt today in hopes of letting them go, in hopes of acknowledging my humanity and my need for balance.
The world tells me always to work harder, be more productive, do more, say Yes to every opportunity to serve.
My Spirit whispers, “No. Slow down. Allow yourself the time you need to renew your soul. Your work will be more meaningful, more productive, more useful if you do. Really.”
Really?
Really!
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