Posted: May 7th, 2008 at 7:17pm By: Sorah Dubitsky
This week my husband and I celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary. We celebrated by singing “You’re in my Heart; you’re in my Soul” along with Rod Stewart via Youtube. You’re in My Heart; you’re in my Soul had just come out around the time we got married and we immediately adopted it as “our song.” Larry also bought me a bouquet of lavender lilies and calligraphied a Happy Anniversary banner.

I’m Larry’s fourth wife and he’s my second husband, so we did have practice in the art of relationships before we got together. Of course, it was very helpful that I received a directive from God to move in with him; otherwise I never would have realized that the friendship and spiritual understanding we shared were the prime ingredients for a literal match made in heaven.

These days it seems that long-term relationships are becoming fewer and fewer. We live in an age of “me,” not “we.” We live in an age where sex is available 24/7 via the internet. One adults only relationships site I visited in the interest of research, touted over 28 million members with 98 thousand people online at that moment. The site must have had some kind of detection software in it, since it also showed me salacious photos of people that I could meet in Miami. I don’t know how the site knew I lived in the Miami area, but if I was seeking some kind of extracurricular marital activities, I easily could have found it.

The ready availability of any kind of sexual fantasy fulfillment on the internet that anyone could possibly want reminds me of kids with keys to a candy store. Imagine that you were five years old and had unlimited access to all the candy that you could eat. What would happen? My guess is that at first you’d be really excited and you’d gorge yourself. Then you’d probably get high from all the sugar. Eventually you’d get really sick. You might even swear off candy for life. That scenario once happened to me with Sushi. I binged to the point of euphoria then nausea and heaving. Now, 30 years later, just thinking of eating raw fish is enough to make me gag.

Having been caught up in the ‘70s swingers’ phenomena, I know, from experience, that sex, for the sake of exploration, does not nourish the soul. It’s exciting, but any novel experience is exciting at first. In time, the excitement subsides, and either you have to up the excitement ante or realize that sex, in and of itself, is like a temporary fix.

The spiritual philosopher, Osho, describes three levels of love. The first level is lust. It’s a purely physical objectification of the other. When people have sex at this level, one or both of the partners will feel exploited. At the second level, the partners genuinely want to enjoy each other and so sex is undertaken for mutual pleasure. In Osho’s third level of love, love has become “a state of Being.” Love moves in, through, and around the partners so that they become Love.

The first level is like the kid’s in the candy store scenerio. It will never be fulfilling. The second level can sustain relationships for a while, but without commitment to explore the depths of relating to another soul, even its joys will leave the partners hungering for something else.

The third level is what I call “the wind beneath my wings” level. It’s when the partners have learned to love each other as themselves, for they have recognized their shared identity as Love Itself. They’ve seen the Beloved, or the face of God in one another.

There’s another song that I really love. It asks the questions: Why have you come to earth? Why have you taken birth? The answer it provides is “To love, to serve, and to remember.”

So when Larry and I and sang to each other “You’re in my heart; you’re in my soul,” what we were really saying is that we remember that we share a Soul. We’ve allowed each other to look within and have found the original goodness of the I Am that I Am.

Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University’s Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, A Chorus of Wisdom is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to dr.sorah@drsorah.com. © copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky



Permalink