In case you haven’t heard the latest news, Tila broke up with Bobby. She’s searching again for true love and sharing the experience with anyone who tunes into A Shot of Love’s second season. For the pop-cultural-awareness impaired, Tila is the model/actress/singer Myspace sensation who’s real claim to fame is that she’s bisexual. I accidentally caught the second season’s opening episode while channel surfing one night. It could have been the first season’s opening episode; the names and faces may have changed, but the plot didn’t. A gaggle of girls and guys compete in various feats of daring do to win the fair Tila’s hand.

The show is definitely misnamed. A Shot of Lust much more accurately describes the show’s action than A Shot of Love. The show reminds me of the 1970s hit song Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places. Although sexual attraction, which is what the show is really based on, is often a prelude to more committed involvement, sexual attraction, by itself, doesn't lead anywhere.

Stephen and Ondrea Levine, in my book A Chorus of Wisdom, describe relationships as a yoga, a path to the realization of union with God. Stephen says that it takes a couple two years before they realize they are in a relationship. They get married because they both love the color blue or they both love jazz. They don’t understand that living with someone else day after day brings up every petty grievance you can imagine, and some you probably never imagined: dirty sox, hanging panty hose, not closing the toothpaste cap, moving the mayonnaise in the fridge, snoring, burping, PMS, and on and on. Staying in a relationship despite the petty grievances takes work.

There was a New York Times story recently about a pair of Buddhist teachers who took vows to never separate – literally. They are never more than 15 feet away from one another. They are always in each other’s space whether it’s eating, sleeping, working, walking, flying, teaching, meditating, doing yoga or any other activity in which each individually or both together engage. The practice, as they describe it is “high level” and involves confronting their own imperfections such as anger or jealousy. By doing this, they believe, they become better world servers.

Geshe Michael, the male partner, says that their practice allows them to become kinder, more loving people. They get to see, on a 24/7 basis, how their emotions affect their perceptions of one another and, in turn, affects the path of their relationship. They have been living together this way for ten years.

Their partnership is also celibate, although they share a bed. Any exchange of physical touch is done with the intention of healing, as in laying-on-of-hands practices. Their level of togetherness may be too much for American couples. How many couples do you know would have the discipline to share food from the same plate or simultaneously read the same book?

In romantic love the heart resonates to the splendid parts of the loved one and we magnify these lovely parts to encompass the whole person, and we delude ourselves into thinking that we know the whole of this person. But underneath the splendid parts are the wounds and scars of past trials and tribulations. The psychologist, Carl Jung, called this our dark side. The dark side will slide out of its hiding place of repression and eventually will surface as anger, impatience, grumpiness, or stress.

I’m not advocating that people who want to enter into relationship do it at the same level of togetherness as Geshe Michael and his partner. But having been with the same person for a total of 26 years has resulted in a delectably sweet and satisfying life. With the spiritual understanding that my partner is a reflection of God, our marriage is a bit of heaven on earth. By continuously working (and sometimes it is work) at seeing Larry through the eyes of love, I’ve grown in kindness, patience and understanding.

I doubt if I’ll watch another episode of A Shot of Love. Its message that love can be found in sexual attraction is superficial at best and destructive at worst. Real love is grounded in compassion, empathy and acceptance. Those traits are acquired over time and time doesn’t lend itself to a ten-week television season.

Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University’s Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, A Chorus of Wisdom is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to dr.sorah@drsorah.com. © copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky