The other day I took a non-violent communication workshop. I asked what was meant by the term “what is alive in you?” that NVC uses to describe what people want to communicate. By communicating what’s alive in you, it is easier to meet those needs that will enrich your life. Communicating “what is alive in you” is one of the foundations of the non violent communication process. Three different people answered my question. One person talked about how “what is alive in me is awareness of essence.” Another person said that it’s an energy that comes from inside. Another person talked about being with whatever “is” in the moment.

I came to the conclusion that non-violent communication is better than sex. All the descriptions of what “what’s alive in us” means is what happens in sex at its best. It’s also what everyone is seeking and is often hard to find.

In great sex, the thinking mind stops and the feeling body takes over. Sympathetic nervous system activity stimulates the heart. The faster heart beat speeds up your breathing. More oxygen is forced into the breathing. The center of breath in great sex is at the base of the neck. This is where the thyroid gland is that controls metabolism. The rapid breath stimulates the vagus nerve that controls the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic system induces relaxation. As the body relaxes, breathing slow, but breathing also deepens. Relaxation is accompanied by greater trust and greater trust allows for even more opening. The more open you become, the more life force energy flows through you. Boundaries disappear and you and your partner merge into the unity that is God. That’s what full expansive orgasm is. It’s the sensation of being fully and completely alive; it’s feeling the tingle in your naughty parts in every part of your body.

From a spiritual perspective, what happens during great sex is the “union mystica” – the experience of the infusion of the Holy Spirit or dissolution of the perception of self.

Great sex is holy because it’s “wholly.” Because you’re so infused with Divine energy, you feel whole. I’m convinced that “whole” is how we’re supposed to feel. Wholeness is our original nature.

The feeling of wholeness can come through the breath as well as through sex. There’s a breathing exercise that I’ve used in workshops. I learned it from Stephen and Ondrea Levine. It’s a way of synchronizing breathing with someone and merging energies. As with other transformational breathing exercises, it triggers a change of consciousness by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. The difference with the “Ahh” breath, as Stephen calls it, deepens interpersonal intimacy. Within minutes of synchronized breathing you feel what another person feels. You become a conduit that focuses Divine energy on the solar plexus.

The beauty of NVC is that, with practice, it allows for being a conduit for Divine nature; that means that it allows for a process to communicate from original nature, from Source and from Love.

The urge to merge is inherent in 99% of the species on earth. Each species in its own way has devised rituals for mating. Humans may be the only species that has a choice in how to mate, whom to mate (although scientists have identified 1500 species that practice homosexuality), when to mate, and whether or not to use mating to reproduce. Communion through mating is only one way to use life force. Another way is to be fully present and alive in the energy when interacting with anyone. Imagine being able to have a language and a process to connect heart to heart and soul to soul with another human being. Imagine being able to be so aware of sensory experience that you can safely release it. Imagine relaxing into the flow of life without getting stuck in anything that inhibits that flow.

In the 50s Nat King Cole made the song Nature Boy famous. Its soulful chorus ended with the beautiful “The only need in the whole wide world is to love and to be loved in the return.”

Imagine being able to meet the need to love and be loved in every human interaction in which you engage. Meeting that need is an experience of Heaven on earth.

Dr. Sorah Dubitsky, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, teacher and healer. She conducts workshops and seminars on love, marriage, sexuality and spirituality. She also offers individual and couples counseling. She is also a fellow at Florida International University’s Center for the Study of Spirituality. Her book, A Chorus of Wisdom is available at Amazon.com and all major online and retail book outlets. Visit her website. Send an email to dr.sorah@drsorah.com. © copyright 2008 by Dr. Sorah Dubitsky