Wednesday, August 6, 2008 at 1:01am
Sex is the new cigarette
Column: Outing the Goddess Within
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For the past five months I've been floating along in my bubble of new-baby bliss. But thanks to a conversation with the mother of a teenage girl this morning, my bubble of bliss is burst with a shocking reality hit. And all thanks to two innocuous little words: "Rainbow Party"
No, not a party for pretty girls in frilly frocks eating fairy bread. More like a group oral sex party involving adolescent girls putting on different coloured lipsticks and leaving their mark on the boys. Afterwards the boys show off their rainbow-coloured nether regions, but for what purpose I'm unable to ascertain.
I'm also unable to ascertain whether this concept is an urban myth, a sick plot by juvenile fiction author Paul Ruditis, or whether it's really a horrifying truth that our teenage girls are enduring.
One clinician I spoke to at the the Family Planning Association of Western Australia said that while none of her clients had been to a rainbow party, some of her colleagues have conducted STI screening on girls claiming to have been to one. "It's not an urban myth," said the clinician, "rainbow parties are happening, but I'm not sure how prevalent they are."
On the other hand, according to an article in the New York Times, the director of the Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality at San Francisco State University, Deborah Tolman, writes: "This 'phenomenon' has all the classic hallmarks of a moral panic… One day we have never heard of rainbow parties and then suddenly they are everywhere, feeding on adults' fears that morally-bankrupt sexuality among teens is rampant, despite any actual evidence, as well as evidence to the contrary."
Either way, when hearsay fails I turn to the stats. A 2004 NBC-People survey of 1000 13- to 16-year- olds found that less than half a percent overall had been to an oral sex party. If these statistics are correct, well, when it comes to the safety and health of my daughter, that's still half a percent too many.
Already adolescent girls have enough anxieties about image, adequacy and even their place in the pecking order of their friendships. When I was going through adolescence, the "tough" girls smoked behind the bicycle shed. Nowadays sex is the new cigarette and teenage girls are under enormous pressure to abuse their sexuality in a way that is the antithesis of sacred.
Amrita Hobbs, an Australian author and counsellor, says on her website that teenage girls "... are in a curious, experimental, questioning time of life. They play around with ideas, clothes, friends and possibly smoking, sex, drinking and drugs."
But, it seems, they don't play around with self-esteem. "In workshops I ask young people to tell me things they like about themselves. Some teens can think of nothing," says Amrita.
What has happened to our girls that "some" can't think of anything nice to say about themselves? More importantly, what has happened to us, as parents, that we have allowed even some of our girls (not just our daughters), grow up without an affirmation of their wonder, admiration of their innate spark, initiation into their magical maidenhood, and words of encouragement to foster their sacred feminine?
It's not hard to tell a girl she is an amazing human being. In fact, it's easy to tell a girl how much joy she brings, how wonderful her smile is, how pleasurable her company is, and how sacred her femininity is. These are aspects of a healthy self-esteem that I stress during any mother-daughter Goddess Playshops that I conduct. And since the conversation with my girlfriend this morning, these are all things I'll be consciously telling my daughter — and her friends — every day as this generation of daughters grows up.
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Anita Revel is the creatrix of igoddess.com, a resource portal for women's wellbeing. You can click here to read more of her columns with United Press International. © copyright 2008 by Anita Revel.
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For the past five months I've been floating along in my bubble of new-baby bliss. But thanks to a conversation with the mother of a teenage girl this morning, my bubble of bliss is burst with a shocking reality hit. And all thanks to two innocuous little words: "Rainbow Party"
No, not a party for pretty girls in frilly frocks eating fairy bread. More like a group oral sex party involving adolescent girls putting on different coloured lipsticks and leaving their mark on the boys. Afterwards the boys show off their rainbow-coloured nether regions, but for what purpose I'm unable to ascertain.
I'm also unable to ascertain whether this concept is an urban myth, a sick plot by juvenile fiction author Paul Ruditis, or whether it's really a horrifying truth that our teenage girls are enduring.
One clinician I spoke to at the the Family Planning Association of Western Australia said that while none of her clients had been to a rainbow party, some of her colleagues have conducted STI screening on girls claiming to have been to one. "It's not an urban myth," said the clinician, "rainbow parties are happening, but I'm not sure how prevalent they are."
On the other hand, according to an article in the New York Times, the director of the Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality at San Francisco State University, Deborah Tolman, writes: "This 'phenomenon' has all the classic hallmarks of a moral panic… One day we have never heard of rainbow parties and then suddenly they are everywhere, feeding on adults' fears that morally-bankrupt sexuality among teens is rampant, despite any actual evidence, as well as evidence to the contrary."
Either way, when hearsay fails I turn to the stats. A 2004 NBC-People survey of 1000 13- to 16-year- olds found that less than half a percent overall had been to an oral sex party. If these statistics are correct, well, when it comes to the safety and health of my daughter, that's still half a percent too many.
Already adolescent girls have enough anxieties about image, adequacy and even their place in the pecking order of their friendships. When I was going through adolescence, the "tough" girls smoked behind the bicycle shed. Nowadays sex is the new cigarette and teenage girls are under enormous pressure to abuse their sexuality in a way that is the antithesis of sacred.
Amrita Hobbs, an Australian author and counsellor, says on her website that teenage girls "... are in a curious, experimental, questioning time of life. They play around with ideas, clothes, friends and possibly smoking, sex, drinking and drugs."
But, it seems, they don't play around with self-esteem. "In workshops I ask young people to tell me things they like about themselves. Some teens can think of nothing," says Amrita.
What has happened to our girls that "some" can't think of anything nice to say about themselves? More importantly, what has happened to us, as parents, that we have allowed even some of our girls (not just our daughters), grow up without an affirmation of their wonder, admiration of their innate spark, initiation into their magical maidenhood, and words of encouragement to foster their sacred feminine?
It's not hard to tell a girl she is an amazing human being. In fact, it's easy to tell a girl how much joy she brings, how wonderful her smile is, how pleasurable her company is, and how sacred her femininity is. These are aspects of a healthy self-esteem that I stress during any mother-daughter Goddess Playshops that I conduct. And since the conversation with my girlfriend this morning, these are all things I'll be consciously telling my daughter — and her friends — every day as this generation of daughters grows up.
——————-
Anita Revel is the creatrix of igoddess.com, a resource portal for women's wellbeing. You can click here to read more of her columns with United Press International. © copyright 2008 by Anita Revel.
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