I choose to stay aware of what is going on in the wider world. There is always trouble out there. always unspeakable horror happening somewhere in the world. If it isn’t armed conflict, it’s the slow violence of poverty, starvation, lack of medical services or clean water. And while others seem bent on killing one another, too many of the rest of us relax in the luxury of consumerism, literally destroying our planet with our mindless use of resources. Tragedy is everywhere. I’m depressed.

But the sun is shining in my little corner of the world. Except for the brown haze that hangs in the air I might be convinced that all is well, at least here.

My heart aches. If I were more detached, less sensitive, less aware, I might just go to the mall and buy a new pair of shoes. Truthfully, I’ve tried that. But the suffering that is happening out there seems always to seep in here. I face the challenge of finding a way to be at peace in a world at war. How do I find a center of peace that is not simply denial? How do I follow the Prince of Peace in these crazy times?

Seems it has always been crazy times. There may have been fewer people 2000 years ago but certainly the Roman occupation of Palestine forced Jesus and his followers to face the violence of injustice that culminated not only in his crucifixion but in the death of most of his followers as well. How did his faith based in love and promoting peace manage to survive? How do I?

The law of love asks me to remember to not only act with compassion toward God and my neighbor, but toward myself as well. When I am gentle with myself I am more able to be gentle with you. If I wish to manifest peace (and I do) then I must be kind. I won’t do it perfectly, but if I do the best I can, maybe God will pick up the slack and help me live by my best principles.

I need to remember to ask for help. I need to make a place and a time for God in my life. I can’t just act as if I’m friends with Jesus. I have to be friends with Jesus by spending time with his teachings, his Spirit, his presence.

I can’t do it alone. Without a community to support and guide me I’m in trouble. I need friends who will challenge me to be my best self if I hope to grow into that best self.

It isn’t easy to maintain hope when so many around me are in despair. But I will reach out to others who are learning to live by the law of love as they follow the Prince of Peace.

These last few days have been a time of intense struggle for me. It is not just my sensitivity that makes me vulnerable to depression and despair. It is my life choices in the past and a childhood of harsh choices by parents and others. There is no one to blame now but I really do struggle to stay centered enough to find peace in these hard times.

I don’t want to be a negative energy source adding more pain to this wounded world. But when I’m down it is hard to remember that even my sadness has its value.

If the world is suffering – and it is – then there is a time for grief, a time for tears. If I expect total cheerfulness from myself I am being unrealistic and I am discounting the great value in conscious grieving. We need time for keening, for wailing and weeping over the sufferings of others and our own sufferings. It is not a crime to be sad. Artificial happiness is vacuous.

There is a time to weep. And when I allow myself to be fully present to my own sadness I am able to be comforted by the Spirit that will eventually turn my sorrow into joy.

When I trust God with all my feelings I find God’s peace can be as near as the breath I breathe. It is a mystery, but peace comes. Even in my sorrow, peace comes.