From conception to birth miracles abound in the creation of life. These miracles continue as our children grow, evolve and share our collective experiences. Feeling your newborn's delicious breath synchronize with yours; watching your toddler master the ability to walk; the calm that emerges after a raging tantrum; and the developing bodies and minds of our children as they enter into puberty all exemplify the miracles of moving from one stage of development to the next. As our children transition through these amazing changes in their lives, as parents we too are transitioning. Since many parents waited longer to have their children, ours is one of the first generations where mothers are experiencing menopause while their children are experiencing puberty. Although these transitions may be very challenging, within each of these changes is a miracle waiting to be embraced.

No one has guided our generation through transitional times more gracefully than Marianne Williamson. In the 1900’s she inspired us to shift our perceptions and connect with God, through A Return to Love. Then after 9-11 her wisdom motivated us to become spiritual activists and peaceful change agents through her work in the The Peace Alliance. Now, in her newest book, The Age of Miracles: Embracing the New Midlife, Marianne shares a deeply honest and uplifting conversation about the transitions people are facing as they enter mid-life. Named one of the 50 most influential baby boomers by Newsweek Magazine, Marianne is an extraordinary mentor, inspiring millions to reframe their perceptions and experience the miracles that are present in every moment.

When looking at the collective transition of puberty and menopause Marianne says, “In the first puberty, the persona of the child fades away, and the persona of the adolescent comes forward. In societies which are wise enough to honorably mark this transition through ceremony, through ritual, through acknowledgement, the transition is made much more appropriately. In situations where such a conscious marking does not occur, the child feels a subconscious need to mark the transition in some other way, and often, that marking is dysfunctional; body piercing, immoderate sex, drugs, et cetera.”

Marianne continues, “I think that mid-life, the second puberty is very similar in a way. The persona of the young adult fades away and is replaced by something else. With mid-life, while we can feel what it is we've left behind, we're not sure what it is we're coming into. In societies — and hopefully, this book contributes in some part to this conversation— which we mark a coming of age, in which we acknowledge and honor it, then the transition becomes much easier. It even becomes holy, a sacred rebirth. In the absence of such a marking, what happens in the second puberty is just like in the first. There's a subconscious need to mark it anyway, and that is what is often happening with the proverbial midlife crisis. When a midlife crisis is expressed externally it often has to do with some crazy acting out of some kind, but it is no less a crisis when it is marked internally, what is often an unacknowledged period of depression. This book is about is moving from crisis to process, not denying that something important is going on, but creating a psychic container that then allows the process to occur in a way that is both healthy and helpful.”

These transitional times are often accompanied by painful emotional issues coming to the surface. On a physiological level this is often the result of the hormonal shifts going on within the body. But on a spiritual level something much deeper is going on. Marianne continues, “Whatever issues you've been not dealing with, able to stay so busy that you can avoid them, so busy with the kids, so busy with the career that you don't really have to face those issues, something happens at a certain point in life where those issues will be ignored no longer. By a certain age we have each experienced the pain of disappointment and loss. We have had accumulated heartbreak.” As we experience our volatile emotions, our children, who are going through their own hormonal changes, will be deeply impacted by our emotional state. Marianne continues, “It's not ultimately helpful to just teach people to deny their emotions. These negative emotions are a toxin to the psyche, and ultimatiley a a toxin to the body. It's ultimately a toxin in the body. There is a need to release your emotions, to go through the grieving process. There's need to forgive yourself. There's need to forgive other people.” What a powerful lesson to also teach our children.

Then there is another dimension that defines the relationship between parents and children as each collectively experiences these transitions. There is a developmental time when you have to begin letting go. Marianne continues, “I realized that it was very important not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically, to let my child go, to let her grow up, and I mean obviously, on a biological level, you have no choice. I realized that the importance of doing this not only for her sake, but also for me. We've each grown a new pair of wings, so it's time for the next phase of her life, and it's time for the next phase of mine. It's time for the next season of her life, and it's time for the next season of mine. Also, counter-intuitively, the more you let people go, the closer they come towards you. I'm aware as a mother that my allowing my daughter to be the young adult that she is now becoming not only enables her greater freedom, but our relationship has room to transition into a new phase which is just as exciting as it's ever been. It is a different relationship. Although it is different, it's no less significant, no less loving, no less profound, and no less delightful. But it's just like everything else about midlife; you have to acknowledge there's one thing that's over now, and grieve what part of it you need to grieve. And then having cried those tears, you are able to move into new territory, into the new day, into the new dawn, into the new beginning.”




As you and your children ride the rollercoaster of change, feel what you need to feel, teach your children to honor their emotions, then, love and accept yourself and each other in the process. Most importantly remember to look for the deeper meaning, the miracle that lies in the present moment just waiting to be embraced. You and your children are miraculous and by honoring the transitions each of you are experiencing you allow the love to grow deeper between you.

To order The Miracles at Mid-Life or for more information on Marianne Williamson’s extraordinary work. Visit her online at www.marianne.com or www.hayhouse.com.
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Debbie Milam is the co-creator of "Empowering Our Children: Creating Connected Families, Classrooms, and Communities " . She is an occupational therapist and life coach whose work has been featured in over 300 media outlets including The Miami Herald, Elle, Ladies Home Journal, PBS and The Hallmark Channel. Visit her website for more books and resources to help you be a highly effective parent. Visit her online at www.bestyoucanbe.org and sign up for her newsletter to receive your special report, "Creating Peace Within Yourself and Your Family." © Copyright 2008 Debbie Milam.